My Best Friends

For some reason, these six people, total strangers to me, jump first to my mind when I reminisce my friends. For me Joey, Chandler, Ross, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe represent everything that I hold dear in a friendship. The series represented a group dynamics, not much unlike any real group dynamics. Each person knew the other inside out. They helped, backed and stepped out for each other. They all had their selfish moments, they all exchanged the negative roles between them but most important of all they stuck with each other, stood up for each other and were there for each other. This is what being a friend means, when being right isnt as important as being yourself. Now the blog is not about the series called FRIENDS, but about my dead past. And its a sincere note of obligation to those who stood by me, in worst of my times.

The first memories of friends, bring back images filled with laughters and tears, the defining moments and a carefree time. For they are images of a distant past, the time we called childhood. Since an early age, I was able to form a closed knit group around me. And I have had some ferociously loyal friends, and at a time when I didnt understand the true implication of having friends. When I look back, I find myself wondering how big an idiot must I have been to not know what the best of my friends did for me. It was release from a tyrant rule of parents, into a world where my opinion mattered and even revered (although to a lesser extent). This first group of friends I hold the dearest, because it was the innocence, the friendship at its best. We did make some pathetic attempts of staying in touch by snail mail (it was the year 1997-98), of course didnt work. Oh and I forgot, this was the first time I realized presence of girls in my life when I misunderstood (first of many times) a girl, and stampeded all over her (heart?).

Here, I must emphasize the importance of the fact that my father works in a bank. So he gets thrown around India a lot. That is to say we dont stay in a city for too long. The groups of friends, are mostly friends with each new school or living place.

The second group, I dont remember much for the simple fact that our association was brief and the end was marred by nasty incident. That was the first bitter pill of "everyone for himself", which I was to encounter a lot regularly after that.

The third group, for the first time in my life I wasnt leading, I was the lowest creature on the lowest rung. Bullied all around, I learnt the virtue of silence. Although not because of friends, but it was at this point in my life I also learnt the virtue and uselessness of truth. I chose virtue. But still, two years later I walked away with my head held high and a handful of friends, and these become frontrunners to people I call "old friends," for they continue to remain close to my heart. And of course since then, I have redeemed myself from the lowest rung to an equal. Of course there was the "everyone for himself" factor.

While I handled second and third group, a totally seprate group formed due to geographic sepration. This group wasnt noteworthy cuz, there was a detachment. A constant detatchment from everyone. Although, at the end of fourth group this group re emerged, very briefly but played a very significant role. And I love them for that, especially one person... (I will not name her, as going by tradition of no names) thank you, I still wish I could have done more for you.

The fourth group, was the first time in my life that I was so emotionally attached to other people. It was this period I found my first girlfriend, and two best friends to die for. At that time, I would have taken a bullet for any of them. The girlfriend I lost in one month, the other two in two years. The two people I cared about beyond any, had planned the lesson of "betrayal" for me in this part of my life. Three best friends, and each went his (or her) own way. Since then I have managed to patch things up with one of them, wasn't so lucky with the second one. It is funny because, in hard cold facts, the first betrayed second, I sided with second, lost first there then lost second for being friends with first. If it makes any sense whatsoever. Anyway, I have high hopes of rebuilding my friendship with "first" in the coming years. For after all, he was the closest of all friends I have ever had.

The fifth group, saw me eat the first pill of admiration. I have never admired anybody as much as I admired my new best friend. We braved many fights together, though lost most of them but I dont complain because I enjoyed everyone of them. We continue to remain good friends, and I hope it will continue.

The fifth group also saw me handle two sets of totally different friends, and perhaps this was the best time of my life. I lost the big battle, but gained much more. Then lost that too... but it doesnt matter even the memories of those two friends, who helped me realize who I am. They defined me, the fifth group and although none remains from this second group, they are never more than a moment away from my mind.

The sixth overlapped with fifth group's second and those six months, I could literally fly. Just before the strike, I was the happiest I have ever been in my life, I was like the child again. Three best friends, full of laughs and high fives. But well, life has had the knack of not letting me live in peace. It happened one fine day in January, everything broke. It dragged from there till July, when chaos... and I was to lose one by one, all three of them. Those three remain friends, it was I who was shunted. Dont get me wrong, it was my choice and decison. Rather than the group to breakdown altogether, the unstable element should leave. Two of those three still manage a polite word when they see me, which is more than I can ask for. And I am thankful for it. At this point in my life I wonder, where did the loyalty disappear?

Would you blame me if I become a cynic? Can you blame me if I dont expect life to deal the sunny side up. Can you blame me if I am reckless with not much regard for relations or friendship? I immerse myself in work, thats my cure...

"When sands of time dusts up the mirror of memories, faces fade."

I am hoping the faces will fade soon..