A Scattered Life

Have you ever been down that dark alley, layered with myst, which has signs to turns that you cant see? And that alley just stretched out, one cornerstone to another and each one as unfamiliar as the last? And you see familiar faces but cant recognize anybody? And after a while, you are no longer certain whether you are moving forward or back, having lost all sense of direction. And then a chill grips you, stifling you.

"I am no stranger to this place
Where real life and dreams collide,
And even though I fall from grace
I will keep the dreams alive."

What, you didnt think you were the only one, did you? We have all been down that road, at least those who have been lucky. I should say fortunate, lucky is such an ambiguos term. What is this road then, the path, the place or whatever the hell it is. Truth be told I dont know, I can not draw any anomaly. But lost and alone seems about the right description. A decison that went wrong in the past, misfortune and misery piled up and one strike and crash... the life is scattered.

I know not whether a solution exist, a way past the way. But allow yourself to believe when I say, it is perhaps not as bad as it looks. Positives can come out of it, and perhaps the positives is the solution. While in that rut, perhaps I still am, but I dont notice as much, I decided to keep myself occupied, with one thing or another for pleasure or for pain, I didnt give myself much time to reflect on what is stifling me. And slowly, the hold started loosening, the myst faded and the turns begin to appear. While I was despairing, my heart was in the deepest shadow, eyes closed wallowed in self pity, in those tiring moment after immeasurable labor, when I woke up I found the smallest ray of sunshine. The end of the tunnel. The smile that got lost in the dark alley was once again magically attached to my lips, heart lightened, burden off the shoulders.

And it was hope that drove me. Hope in fact is a good thing, perhaps the best of things. It was faith that willed me. I may not be out in the sun, I might still be stuck in some layers of the underground, but my heart is free again. The alley will capture your heart, and if it manages that, you have lost. Struggle, kick and scream if all else seem last. Crawl if you can not walk, but keep moving. Work so hard that death seems nearer than sleep. And when you have braved everything, death will recede, lights appear at the end of the tunnel...
Just pray its not the train!!