As I fight a fresh bout of depression/self-pity, I feel this is no reason to ruin my blog with pathetic and self deprecating mumblings. So I decided to go nasty instead... Welcome to the Nasty Post, and I hereby announce opening of a whole new tag and category-- The Nasty Ones!
I should begin by explaining what I mean by nasty. The first requisite for a post to be categorized as nasty is it should be "dripping" with sarcasm. It is a blatant attack on a system, person, idea, or basically any social crap that we have to put up with. Although not necessary, but I will try to put as much dark (or shallow) humor as possible to make it an excellent read.
To begin with the post..
I have been quoted as saying relationships are important because they help you grow and become a better person. Although I am starting doubt that, cuz walking down that lane again, I only have horrible ideas. But still, lets give being good a chance. There are many things that come as dowry in a relationship, even if it is 5 minutes of making out with a stranger or 10 mins of it, with a dear old friend while you are drunk. Whether its long distance or short, doesnt matter. This dowry is sometimes good, sometimes bad, just like everything in life. So what I will do is, take the 10 best items of the dowry and tell you why its good to be in a relationship. Next time you feel strained by a relationship or feel like dumping your significant other, come back and read this. Not that it will solve any of your problems, but I do hope it will give you one solid laugh.
So in perfectly random order
* You have a standing excuse to bail on stupid/boring plans your friends made or if you have to help them with something that you dont want to do
* Every guy has a feminine side, what better opportunity to do those things that you always wanted to do but cant because they are feminine. Your gf will love you for it.
* Increasing your visibility in the girl sororities
* Now that you are unavailable, it increases your rating with your dreamgirl, the one that you were always afraid to ask out. A recent study showed, people are always interested in what they cant have.
* If you play it cool and well enough, your parents dont bother you as much because they are curious about the long hours you spend talking on the phone, and they start being nice to you.
* It is one up on the brothers without girlfriends, and in those mean circles any sort of advantage is cool.
* Your kid cousins dont try to fix you up with their kid friends.
* My personal favorite: Its nice to have someone who can list all your shortcomings in under a minute, if you ever decide to strive to be a better person.
* It increases your cool quotient. In many circles it is considered lame to be single, and well cool to have a girlfriend. Like disc, for example, many wont let you enter without a female friend.
* And of course, the unmentionables! After all it is one step closer to the booty town thing we talked about earlier. ;)
I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I seriously hope certain people will not suddenly find out about the existence of this webspace and log on to it, that can turn awkward. But if they do, let me just say, its all in good fun and nothing personal.
As always, with love
Yours Truly
Void
Monday, September 7, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
An Iota of Inspiration
Last time I started writing, I wanted to write something that would inspire me and get my deepest thoughts out. Instead I ended up bitching about a failed romance. I hope to go better this time.
It has been a rough couple of months for yours truly, the Void. I have lost so much, seen so much come to naught, that I am beginning to doubt myself. Well actually, I started doubting myself, a long time ago, right now I am starting to give up on myself. Everywhere things are like coming to no conclusion, and as much as I am trying to move forward I cant. Its the deep alley I described two years ago, I am back there again. (Click here to read that post)
And real life and dreams are colliding, big time. I keep trying to assure myself its going to be ok, and trying to keep positive, and not get frustrated by it, but it aint happening. I am cold, and as much as I hate to admit this, I am rattled.
But, shit happens all the time. And you have to look above all of that, and be good. I always say, Failure is when your best wasnt good enough, but what does a failure mean? Does it mean your life is over? Or that none of your dreams will ever come true? Some failures are more obvious, like failing a test, now u can always reappear in that test, so not such a big deal. Unfortunately, not all failures are that simple.
But you know, I am disappointed too. Because, I did put in an effort towards everything, I have worked hard for four years, and I expected some rewards right about now. I am just trying to convince myself, that I dont deserve anything, but I cant make myself believe it. Simply because I have put in too much fucking effort, to see it come to naught. Its all so screwed up that I am left wondering where would I be right now, if I had slacked off like many of my friends. Down a sewer maybe?
And maybe I have some other purpose, maybe I am meant to do something else. But most likely, my dues aint paid yet. It looks like, I still have some battles to fight before I can get my life back on track. I am prepared to start at the bottom again, and I am excited about it too. I know I will make something out of it. Right now, hope has really deserted me and there is no light coming in from anywhere, but well, things will change. They have to, I wont give up. After twenty two years of fighting life trying to screw me (at least last 10 years of it), I can easily take a few more years. No problems. I will fight back, its like that U2 song, "There is nothing you can throw at me, that I havent already had(heard)". I may be down, but I am not out. Noway!
It has been a rough couple of months for yours truly, the Void. I have lost so much, seen so much come to naught, that I am beginning to doubt myself. Well actually, I started doubting myself, a long time ago, right now I am starting to give up on myself. Everywhere things are like coming to no conclusion, and as much as I am trying to move forward I cant. Its the deep alley I described two years ago, I am back there again. (Click here to read that post)
And real life and dreams are colliding, big time. I keep trying to assure myself its going to be ok, and trying to keep positive, and not get frustrated by it, but it aint happening. I am cold, and as much as I hate to admit this, I am rattled.
"A decison that went wrong in the past, misfortune and misery piled up and one strike and crash..."
But, shit happens all the time. And you have to look above all of that, and be good. I always say, Failure is when your best wasnt good enough, but what does a failure mean? Does it mean your life is over? Or that none of your dreams will ever come true? Some failures are more obvious, like failing a test, now u can always reappear in that test, so not such a big deal. Unfortunately, not all failures are that simple.
But you know, I am disappointed too. Because, I did put in an effort towards everything, I have worked hard for four years, and I expected some rewards right about now. I am just trying to convince myself, that I dont deserve anything, but I cant make myself believe it. Simply because I have put in too much fucking effort, to see it come to naught. Its all so screwed up that I am left wondering where would I be right now, if I had slacked off like many of my friends. Down a sewer maybe?
And maybe I have some other purpose, maybe I am meant to do something else. But most likely, my dues aint paid yet. It looks like, I still have some battles to fight before I can get my life back on track. I am prepared to start at the bottom again, and I am excited about it too. I know I will make something out of it. Right now, hope has really deserted me and there is no light coming in from anywhere, but well, things will change. They have to, I wont give up. After twenty two years of fighting life trying to screw me (at least last 10 years of it), I can easily take a few more years. No problems. I will fight back, its like that U2 song, "There is nothing you can throw at me, that I havent already had(heard)". I may be down, but I am not out. Noway!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Farewell, Baba... May the stars watch over you
"The distance was just over 150 km, but in our hearts it was more."
How do you say your final goodbyes? What do you say to a dying man? What do you say to your person who has loved you since the day you were born, changed your diapers, read you bed time stories, let you win at cards, smiled at your jokes even if they hurt him, what do you say?
What do you say to someone who is much older than you are, seen the life about four times as much as you have, someone who made his life himself, and in all probability made the difference between you being born on a farm or in the city. A person who has contributed to what you are today and what you will be tomorrow. Your first teacher.
What do you say to a person you love so deeply, but standing besides his deathbed you feel awkward. What do you say to a person, you have known your entire life and dont know a single thought running inside his head. What do you say to a person who wont speak back. What do you say to a person, who loves you so much that he cried everytime he saw you, but today with eyes wide open cant summon up a smile on his face.
What do you say to a dying man, how do you tell him it is over. How do you decide when to stop the oxygen and when to bring him home, where he want to close his eyes. How do you play the executioner of God's will. How do you decide when to kill, the one responsible for your presence in the world.
What do you say to his wife, whose tears are uncontrollable, how do you reason with her. How do you reason with yourself, how do you tell yourself to move on and to forget the past. How do you not remember the differences of opinion, and how do you wish for them to go away, how do you turn back time and wipe away those memories of anger and folly. How do you reason with yourself, it wasnt your fault.
How do you control the deep sorrow welling up your heart, how do you wipe away unshed tears or for that matter how do you cry for one who helped shape what you are today. How do you go downstairs and find the will to sit beside his dead body and chant mantras, how do you go to sleep. What do you tell his brother, who expects you to sit next to him and help him through the night with chanting of mantras. How do you switch on your faith in God, and how do you believe there are better things in store for him.
How do you say goodbye to your grandpa?
"The distance was just over 150 km, but in our hearts it was more."
How do I make it untrue?
In all of my glory, and self confidence... this is Void... confused and defeated... hoping the non cynics will fare better than I have.
How do you say your final goodbyes? What do you say to a dying man? What do you say to your person who has loved you since the day you were born, changed your diapers, read you bed time stories, let you win at cards, smiled at your jokes even if they hurt him, what do you say?
What do you say to someone who is much older than you are, seen the life about four times as much as you have, someone who made his life himself, and in all probability made the difference between you being born on a farm or in the city. A person who has contributed to what you are today and what you will be tomorrow. Your first teacher.
What do you say to a person you love so deeply, but standing besides his deathbed you feel awkward. What do you say to a person, you have known your entire life and dont know a single thought running inside his head. What do you say to a person who wont speak back. What do you say to a person, who loves you so much that he cried everytime he saw you, but today with eyes wide open cant summon up a smile on his face.
What do you say to a dying man, how do you tell him it is over. How do you decide when to stop the oxygen and when to bring him home, where he want to close his eyes. How do you play the executioner of God's will. How do you decide when to kill, the one responsible for your presence in the world.
What do you say to his wife, whose tears are uncontrollable, how do you reason with her. How do you reason with yourself, how do you tell yourself to move on and to forget the past. How do you not remember the differences of opinion, and how do you wish for them to go away, how do you turn back time and wipe away those memories of anger and folly. How do you reason with yourself, it wasnt your fault.
How do you control the deep sorrow welling up your heart, how do you wipe away unshed tears or for that matter how do you cry for one who helped shape what you are today. How do you go downstairs and find the will to sit beside his dead body and chant mantras, how do you go to sleep. What do you tell his brother, who expects you to sit next to him and help him through the night with chanting of mantras. How do you switch on your faith in God, and how do you believe there are better things in store for him.
How do you say goodbye to your grandpa?
"The distance was just over 150 km, but in our hearts it was more."
How do I make it untrue?
In all of my glory, and self confidence... this is Void... confused and defeated... hoping the non cynics will fare better than I have.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
20 things to do before graduating
We are graduating in june(or nearabouts) this year, and we all will soon be one of those 9-5 job guys... or if considering recession... unemployed. Both are depressing, each one more than the other. This is the last fun part of your entire life. So what is the craziest thing you wanted to do but never had the balls to do... or thought insensible to do?
Here is my list... I have already done many of them.. but still
20) Tell a lecturer how stupid he is, when he confidently suggests a wrong thing.
19) Slap the stupid blighter in case he disagrees.
18) Tell my hod how gay he is.
17) Try drinking desi tharra (alcohol)
16) Get into a really nasty fight.
15) Get really drunk and sneak into girl's hostel!
14) Return of Bajrang Dal... (enough said!)
13) kill all biharis except kinetic bihari of corse... TI rules!
12) Start singing "you are not alone" by tears for fears loudly in examination hall.
11) Kill my old quarterback's "sister"!
10) Find the principal, grab him by both arms and shout "engines can't be made of plastic you fool"
9) Find our chairman, and say "You are fucking blind man... and so are your close circuit cameras"
8)Convince the english professor to attend english speaking classes.
7) Walk out of a lecture on the grounds that the lecturer is too stupid and even I can't teach him!
6) Have an unlimited booze party with strippers!
5) Spray paint "HOD('s name) is a loser all over the campus.
4) Give a seminar on lovelogy and the proper way to smooch... really the kids have it all wrong!
3) Have an ONS..
2) Find a job (with the market situation as it is, that actually is a crazy thing)
1)---CLASSIFIED---
I hope you enjoyed it, I will be back with more soon. Keep watching this space.
Luv
Void
Here is my list... I have already done many of them.. but still
20) Tell a lecturer how stupid he is, when he confidently suggests a wrong thing.
19) Slap the stupid blighter in case he disagrees.
18) Tell my hod how gay he is.
17) Try drinking desi tharra (alcohol)
16) Get into a really nasty fight.
15) Get really drunk and sneak into girl's hostel!
14) Return of Bajrang Dal... (enough said!)
13) kill all biharis except kinetic bihari of corse... TI rules!
12) Start singing "you are not alone" by tears for fears loudly in examination hall.
11) Kill my old quarterback's "sister"!
10) Find the principal, grab him by both arms and shout "engines can't be made of plastic you fool"
9) Find our chairman, and say "You are fucking blind man... and so are your close circuit cameras"
8)Convince the english professor to attend english speaking classes.
7) Walk out of a lecture on the grounds that the lecturer is too stupid and even I can't teach him!
6) Have an unlimited booze party with strippers!
5) Spray paint "HOD('s name) is a loser all over the campus.
4) Give a seminar on lovelogy and the proper way to smooch... really the kids have it all wrong!
3) Have an ONS..
2) Find a job (with the market situation as it is, that actually is a crazy thing)
1)---CLASSIFIED---
I hope you enjoyed it, I will be back with more soon. Keep watching this space.
Luv
Void
Saturday, February 28, 2009
The Three Months
People sometimes ask me why I dont publicise my blog? Its simply because then my blog will be public and I wont be able to get in all personal and stuff. Still I figure I need to write something really cool and nasty, that sounds more like me to get over all the stupid things I wrote in the last part.
One of the things about being twenty one and waiting on your real life to begin is, it is the best time to get into a relationship. The equation is really simple, you have three months left on college. So you try and find someone, have the fun part and get out. Thats like a normal relationship, right? Wrong, basically you have an exit coming up on the highway, and you know it is coming up three months down the line! You have it all planned, three months later you will move, definitely move to a new place and into new dynamics. The dynamics shift is what we are looking for.
To understand what I really mean, lets go back three and a half years. You are a young eighteen year old, walking in, the world is your oyster and all that crap teens believe in. You develop a crush in your first month, ask her out in the second, date her in the third, tolerate her in the fourth, fight her in the fifth and you dump her in the sixth. You still have three and a half years left at the place where you are stuck with the people you never want to see in your life! A lot can go wrong in the three and a half years! You can end up in same friend circle, your best friend can end up dating her, you can end up dating her best friend. That is not to mention all the jokes your friends are going to throw at your face when you two bump in a very public place (like the cafeteria!) It has crisis written all over it. You suddenly find out the life is a bytch, and you get four years training on exactly what kind of bytch the life is!
Or you can choose to skip that training. Believe me life being a bytch is a lesson you will learn without even trying. Life tries to screw you so bad and so much, that by the time four years are over your ass resembles the surface of a golf ball!
Now if you are dating outside your college, let us hope you are suitably located for that kind of thing. That you are living in the heart of the city, and your college workload allows you considerable freedom, then you can date someone who is not remotely connected to your college.
Or there is the LDRs, I am personally prejudiced against LDRs simply because they are lame and is basically not at all like being in a relationship but yeah, there is the LDR. Especially if the chick is in your hometown, your hometown is hundred miles from college and attendance is not so much compulsary. Otherwise they dont work.
But there is a downside to this, what happens is when you are dating someone outside the college that means you are not interested in girls in your vicinity. So what happens is the girls in your vicinity assume you are gay or DC. Now if you break up with the LDR or the gal outside college you get stuck in a no-women's-land zone, which is basically opposite of lesbian booty town. Comparing it with stats, there is 87% chance you will break up before you are 20 and 98% chance you will break up before 21. (Did you know 42% of all stats are made up on the spot?)
So how the three month period works.... In the forst month you locate a girl, calculate the stability and probability (forget the crush part). In the second month you date her, in the third month you create the distance. In the fourth month, but wait... there is no fourth month! You are out of college, just change sims, block her from facebook and orkut and you are done. Or if you dont want to be nasty, you can just keep on increasing the distance, using the shifting dynamics as an excuse, till the elastic limit is reached, plastic deformation occurs and yield point is reached (sorry I am a mechanical engineer!)
Now, why the three month period is crucial. First and foremost WE LIVE IN INDIA, by the time the girl is finishing her four year course their is a eighty percent likelihood her parents are trying to get her married! Even if they are not, the marriage is not distant at all. The girls are looking for freedom and life saviors. Second reason is well, near the end, ends happen! Lot of vulnerable people out there! Third reason is you are stepping into a grownup world, younger chicks dig that. Vulnerability is not just about relationships being over, people also get scared before any new beginnings, like first day of school, first day of college, the first day of real life is approaching!! Run! Run for your lives!!
But the most important reason is people go crazy near graduation. There is simply too much fun that was there in your college life, so in the dying moments you want to have as much of it as possible. You have dreams (not the academic ones you idiot), thoughts, you wanted to accomplish! I shit you not, girls have fantasies about things they want to do before leaving college that will make your head spin! If you get inside it is very close to lesbian booty town! ;)
Have fun and please hook up!
Love
Void
P.S. I humbly dedicate this post to awesome and "legen.... wait for it..... dary (legendary)" Barney Stinson. Go read the Barney's Blog for more wisdom!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
My Two Steps to Understanding
I was pissed, then I begin thinking.
I understood the first step and I was still pissed.
I kept thinking
I understood the second step and I was no longer pissed.
I stopped thinking and went to bed.
That is how last three days have been. I have introspected, blamed myself for things that werent my fault. Gotten mad, lost control of self. But I finally figured it out.
There are very few things like morphine in this world. Nothing gives as much kick as a single shot of morphine in your spine. But there is something quite close, somebody coming up to you and saying in a very even tone they hate you, hate you double, loathe you.
The thing that really bothered me was it shouldnt be bothering me, if you know what I mean. Never has anybody gotten so much inside my head than that girl... ugh! But what happens, happens. Not much we can do about it. What we can do instead is figure out they why and take precautions that situation like that dont repeat. Not "the someone saying I hate you" part, but "the bothering" part!
I always quite knew I am not the most popular guy around, people hate me and I am fine with it.
Not much we can do about others. What ticked me off was when the blame games started. I got blamed for things I didnt do and for things I did opposite of. I am not saying I was all right, I too did some bad things, but well... I did what I had to do, to keep the Q4R going. And another thing that upset me was the fact, throughout the year I took so much shit for supporting these people, and at the end of it they dont appreciate it. Sometimes, I wonder why the hell I bothered.
But then, I am happy. I gave people a chance. I tried to make something happen, and maybe it didnt turn out the way some people thought, but it still was something amazing. That was the second step of understanding. She isnt mad at me, but herself. Everybody lost a lot during Q4R, but we all gained. There was not a single person who went to Japan as part of TIRC who didnt become a better/improved/well-rounded (take ur pick) person due to this project. Some of us even believe we took the transition from boys to men in this phase. But there was one person who didnt learn anything. One who lost on other fronts and gained nothing from the project. One person who let that opportunity slip right through her hands. She is mad because she knew she blowed a chance. By blaming it on me, she is seeking redemption of some sorts. It is the defense mechanism at work.
So what do I do? I stand by and watch... I dont interfere. Let her figure out these things on herself, if she does it will hurt but she will take step closer to development. If she doesnt.. well shortcuts also work! At this point I have decided to renew my theory of minimal human interaction. It was a bitter pill I got and I dont want another taste of it anytime soon.
Until laters!
Love
Void!
I understood the first step and I was still pissed.
I kept thinking
I understood the second step and I was no longer pissed.
I stopped thinking and went to bed.
That is how last three days have been. I have introspected, blamed myself for things that werent my fault. Gotten mad, lost control of self. But I finally figured it out.
There are very few things like morphine in this world. Nothing gives as much kick as a single shot of morphine in your spine. But there is something quite close, somebody coming up to you and saying in a very even tone they hate you, hate you double, loathe you.
The thing that really bothered me was it shouldnt be bothering me, if you know what I mean. Never has anybody gotten so much inside my head than that girl... ugh! But what happens, happens. Not much we can do about it. What we can do instead is figure out they why and take precautions that situation like that dont repeat. Not "the someone saying I hate you" part, but "the bothering" part!
I always quite knew I am not the most popular guy around, people hate me and I am fine with it.
Not much we can do about others. What ticked me off was when the blame games started. I got blamed for things I didnt do and for things I did opposite of. I am not saying I was all right, I too did some bad things, but well... I did what I had to do, to keep the Q4R going. And another thing that upset me was the fact, throughout the year I took so much shit for supporting these people, and at the end of it they dont appreciate it. Sometimes, I wonder why the hell I bothered.
But then, I am happy. I gave people a chance. I tried to make something happen, and maybe it didnt turn out the way some people thought, but it still was something amazing. That was the second step of understanding. She isnt mad at me, but herself. Everybody lost a lot during Q4R, but we all gained. There was not a single person who went to Japan as part of TIRC who didnt become a better/improved/well-rounded (take ur pick) person due to this project. Some of us even believe we took the transition from boys to men in this phase. But there was one person who didnt learn anything. One who lost on other fronts and gained nothing from the project. One person who let that opportunity slip right through her hands. She is mad because she knew she blowed a chance. By blaming it on me, she is seeking redemption of some sorts. It is the defense mechanism at work.
So what do I do? I stand by and watch... I dont interfere. Let her figure out these things on herself, if she does it will hurt but she will take step closer to development. If she doesnt.. well shortcuts also work! At this point I have decided to renew my theory of minimal human interaction. It was a bitter pill I got and I dont want another taste of it anytime soon.
Until laters!
Love
Void!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Ugh!!
I should really be allowed to shoot some people. On such a lovely and beautiful day, when there is the first warmth of the spring sun, people can mess with your head!
Thats why I am happy with minimum contact. And I am not kidding. I just happen to have excellent reasons to do it. Like for instance, this friend of mine (well we are not exactly friends, more like acquaintainces) out of nowhere instilled the idea of becoming a better person in my head. And that idea is a bytch to begin with!! The idea is so deeply horrible and self destructive that I am compulsed to follow it, which basically means curbing all my natural instincts.
The good news is, my insomnia is back and so is nicotine and caffiene. On a day like today, about a month ago, I figured out a couple of things. The first was there are always, invariably two steps to understanding. The first is you understand the situation and the second is you understand the cause of the situation. And we are no nearer a solution yet. Thats whats bugging me. I am as away from the second step as anyone could ever be.
The second thing I figured out was I only want things that I cant get! I dont know if it holds true for everyone, but yes all indications are in that direction!! So the problem basically is I want something I cant have. I only want it because I cant have it, and if I get it I wouldnt want it anymore! Not that I am anywhere even near to getting that thing.
I know what you are thinking... I am messed up in head. Well, what is to say I am not!
Thats why I am happy with minimum contact. And I am not kidding. I just happen to have excellent reasons to do it. Like for instance, this friend of mine (well we are not exactly friends, more like acquaintainces) out of nowhere instilled the idea of becoming a better person in my head. And that idea is a bytch to begin with!! The idea is so deeply horrible and self destructive that I am compulsed to follow it, which basically means curbing all my natural instincts.
The good news is, my insomnia is back and so is nicotine and caffiene. On a day like today, about a month ago, I figured out a couple of things. The first was there are always, invariably two steps to understanding. The first is you understand the situation and the second is you understand the cause of the situation. And we are no nearer a solution yet. Thats whats bugging me. I am as away from the second step as anyone could ever be.
The second thing I figured out was I only want things that I cant get! I dont know if it holds true for everyone, but yes all indications are in that direction!! So the problem basically is I want something I cant have. I only want it because I cant have it, and if I get it I wouldnt want it anymore! Not that I am anywhere even near to getting that thing.
I know what you are thinking... I am messed up in head. Well, what is to say I am not!
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