tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29836627734016159832024-03-12T21:16:53.848-07:00Wanderings of a Spotless MindMy thoughts, My ideas, My beliefs... My KingdomVoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-39406844926869664612011-12-08T02:25:00.000-08:002011-12-08T02:49:45.918-08:00The OneI mean, what a topic to write about. So this pseudo friend I have, insists that I write about her. She is really hard to say no to, you know. Simply because she wont shut up unless and until you listen to her. Forget what you want to do, or what the consequences might be, but you have to do what she tells you to do.<br /><br />Of course, its not only me. She would tell anyone and everyone, to do what she wants them to do. And poor bastards (and bitches) follow her command too. But then again, she would shout and scream and possibly throw stuff at you if you refuse. I say possibly because, lately my interactions with her have been over the phone or the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Internet</span> and I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> know if you know this but it is damn difficult to throw stuff at someone over the phone. And poor bastards (and bitches) take on the devious tasks she allots them and fulfills her command to the extreme. And then there are the consequences.<br /><br />Its like when you keep drinking those intoxicating shots off the stripper's belly, and you know you should stop but you <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> simply because its too much fun. Then there is the morning after. The throwing up and the hangover, the bright lights and the loud noises. And she swears never again, but what do you know. By the end of the day she is at it again, and you end up drinking shots off the poor stripper's belly once again.<br /><br />Every once in a while, there is a brave man (or stupid fuck). This brave man (or stupid fuck), hates all forms of life (especially mine) and goes on to ignore her commands. This ends up in a war, an all out epic right out of the sets of Pearl Harbor. Wait, make that Lord of the Rings. I mean those black flying <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">thingys</span> (<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Nazguls</span> to the literates amongst you) made a noise quite similar to her. And off she goes striking down anything and everything in her path. It actually makes me glad that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Vishwamitra</span> and all those other saints with the power to bestow curses are long gone or were mythical. I mean if they were real and alive, she would have bullied them into cursing entire humanity (Men only, women will be spared) into some sort of a fire wheel, where you keep running and running with your ass on fire for an eternity. I assure you, she would have done it.<br /><br />And of course, in absence of these blessed saints, I am the one left to explain the subtle intricacies of humanity to her. And I tell her, life sometimes is very unfair and you should calm down every now and then or blow an artery ( I actually secretly hope that would happen. It would make my life so much easier). But of course, the things I want never happen, so she rambles on while I wonder what the fuck, all this bullshit and all she wanted was a "diet soda".<br /><br />(Dedicated to a pseudo sister :P)Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-68655511494578684672010-07-17T17:49:00.000-07:002010-07-17T18:54:51.623-07:00ConformityI knew a twenty one year old girl who had leukemia, who threw anything she could lay her hands on, screamed hell but was also intelligent and in a weird way, with bones sticking out of her, and going completely bald, was still very beautiful. <br /><br />I knew a seventy year old couple, fourty five years married and still in love. <br /><br />I knew a brilliant guy, the ninety eight percent one, who threw away his life in alcohol and drugs. <br /><br />I knew a guy, who supplied illegal firearms, uncrowned king of a small town underworld, who called me brother. <br /><br />I knew people who had more shit surrounding them than the sewage line of Mumbai, and still came out smelling of roses. <br /><br />I knew a psychology student who used to think I was Freud reincarnated. <br /><br />I knew a girl, who made an ISD call to her ex to ask him to never speak to her again. <br /><br />I knew a friend, who would only see good in people.<br /><br />I knew a woman, who would criticise her best friends continuously to each other and still had more than her share of friends.<br /><br />I knew a guy once, who believed in supernatural and claimed experiences continuously.<br /><br />I knew a guy once who would cut off his arm and give it to anybody he has met twice. <br /><br />I knew a girl once, who would never be satisfied no matter how much people did for her.<br /><br />I knew a girl once, who was breathtaking gorgeous, intelligent like anything, and yet with a heart of gold. <br /><br />I knew a girl who was 21 and a mother of a year and half old child.<br /><br />I knew a guy once, who would jump off any cliff, claiming you will never know until you try. <br /><br />Yes, I knew all of them...<br /><br />I talk often enough about conformity. I talk about chances, I talk about fear, and I talk about hope. But today is different. Today I will make a request.<br /><br />The reason I wrote a line about all these people was because there are a million ways to live your life. There are million ways to react to a particular situations. There are million ways of judging right from wrong. There are a million ways to win, another million to loose.<br /><br />But the one thing anyone (except of course the authors of self help books) will admit, they have no fucking clue as to the winning certainty of a way in a situation. You can always see the best course of action in retrospect, but knowing it as you confront the situation is not quite possible. <br /><br />The point I am trying to make is, when we dont know, why do we interfere and advise. Why do we force our friends and family in conformity? Why cant we just let them live out their life in their own way. Everyone needs a bit of support. More so, when they go on and try new things, march in to unchartered territories. Why do we stop them. Why not, whisper a word of encouragement. Why not put our trust in them. <br /><br />Why else do you think we have so many arguments with our parents? <br /><br />Sometimes or rather always, you must let people do things their own way. And not, unwillingly or because it leads to an argument. You understand them. You put yourself in their shoes, and be there for them. Not show resentment towards not following your advise. And should they fail, for whatever reason, be there. Support them, without saying "told you so". <br /><br />A world where everybody does it the same way is a boring world. A world where you dont understand your friends and family, is a sad world. And there is no solution, but understanding. <br /><br />The world is interesting. From the things to see, things you hear, things you smell, things you feel and of course the people you meet. The chief reason behind it, as I see it, is the variety you get, from ugly to beautiful. Some that makes sense to some that dont. Some that is fair, some that is unfair. Some natural, some artificial. But it is all there. And that is what makes world interesting.<br /><br />So, I humbly rquest you, please dont ruin it...<br /><br />As always, with love I remain,<br /><br />Yours Truly<br />VoidVoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-46749921256395070902010-07-13T12:43:00.000-07:002010-07-13T12:58:29.513-07:002009 Never Came2008 was the best year of my life. I remember writing about it. Check it out <a href="http://lilvoid.blogspot.com/2008/12/goodbye-2008-best-ever.html">here</a> before you contine to read this.<br /><br />We worked hard, achieved a lot. Eyes that were full of dreams, as the year begun, saw the detination approach closer. By the end of the year, I was almost certain we had made it. I could sense it, feel it. I was sure it will appear any minute now, just waiting for the year to come.<br /><br /> "A lot has been achieved in 2008, the year that was the high waters of a truly entertaining voyage. 2009 is the year we reap the awards, reach the destination."<br /><br />But 2009 never came. Its eighteen months since I wrote that. I am eighteen months older, eighteen months more of a cynic, but the destination is nowhere on the horizon. The scent, the feel, the hope, all vanished overnight, going up in a puff of smoke. I am lost. In fact, so much so, I am no longer even sure where the destination is. <br /><br />But in the end, the golden rule always works. Keep your expectations to a minimum, and hope to a maximum. I guess in a way, the only difference between 2008 and 2010 is, I am not enjoying life anymore... Hopw you fare well.<br /><br />Luv & Luck<br />VoidVoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-86573602072077479412010-05-30T13:50:00.000-07:002010-05-30T14:15:25.784-07:00Dance Like No One is WatchingDance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth.<br /><br />If you pause to consider, it is probably the best advise anyone can dispense you, that you are very unlikely to heed. It is also a beautiful thought and it happens to be a Mark Twain quote, which suddenly makes me crave for a Tom Sawyer adventure.<br /><br />If you ever have a crappy day, you can usually rely on three things to cheer you up. Chocolates (or in general a good meal), alcohol and if there is still some room left, a heart to heart conversation with someone who understands. But then there are days when you get all three of these and still feel depressed/lonely/sad (take your pick) as you climb in bed. Then there is the hidden fourth. <br /><br />All you have to do is cry... and you will feel better. (Just Kidding) <br /><br />The hidden fourth is a brilliant song, or better still, a collection of songs, an empty terrace/balcony/room/any-secluded-place-in-general, and two feet that can move. :) The only thing better than dancing like no one is watching, is dancing when there is actually no one watching you. :P <br /><br />Just, put on some music on a radio, i pod, a complicated woofer system, or whatever you can lay your hands on, just find something and sway to its beats. Dance awkwardly, slowly, steadily. Sing along with the song, shout if the situation demands it. But sing, and dance. And as you sing, and as you dance, the second part of the quote will materialize in you. Your troubles will recede, at least for the time being, your head will be lighter, your heartache will take a breather, and you will be able to sleep. Hopefully. <br /><br />As always, hope must drive you.<br /><br />Fare you well, comrade.<br /><br />Luv and Luck<br />VoidVoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-81928298747285996082010-05-20T12:16:00.000-07:002010-05-20T12:20:23.469-07:00Description of SAIL MANAGEMENT TRAINEE (Tech) [Uncensored Version]Very few things in this world gives as much satisfaction as poking fun at your job description. <br /><br />A sub-specie of Homo sapiens; predominantly male, however, a few females (although ugly) are spotted every now and then and are usually surrounded by a crowd of males. There are no stable indicators of its appearance, since they come in all colours, shapes and sizes, but an average male is 5' 8" in height and an average female is 5' 0" in height.<br /><br />Being a largely cold-blooded mammal, it does not venture outside in the heat of the day and remains lying on beds in air conditioned common rooms of places having Steel in their name (Eg. Steel House). It can also be found in any place that sells tea in a glass and cigarettes or well, most types of alcohol. These places constitute its summer habitat, which, if destroyed, will make it extremely difficult for them to survive the summer. In face of such a threat of extinction, The SAIL Management Trainees, migrate, in large numbers to other habitats, which maybe corporates or other PSU's, where AC rooms, tea stalls and alcohol are rampant.<br /><br />Close examination reveals that A SAIL Management Trainee delights itself in singing songs, poking fun at others of its species, criticizing SAIL management, and plotting ways to change their species (the success rate is limited, but in another iteration of evolution, biologists believe, the success rate may increase by 5%).<br /><br />Male SAIL Management Trainee is highly sought after mate for homo sapiens (because they are obscenely prosperous) residing in most regions of India. Mating commonly happens through parental arrangements and consents, followed by celebrated rituals (more commonly known as arranged marriage) and may involve some sort of dowry. It is although not uncommon for both male and female management trainees to enter into pre mating with partners without parental consent. Although, here their choice of a mate is very limited, and it is not uncommon for a management trainee to have a mate in a far away city (more commonly known as long distance relationships).<br /><br />All current and future engineers, desirous of joining this specie are strongly advised against it. <br /><br />P.S. I hope it makes a good read. I do not take credit for writing this post. The credit of turning a one liner joke into a full blown article belongs to my besty, Prachi. Let this be first of many things, that we write together... Cheerios!Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-89207202995832094012010-03-23T13:49:00.000-07:002010-03-23T14:52:42.537-07:00Stupid Effing Conspiring Universe"All things are one. And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." <br />From the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. <br /><br />The Alchemist, on the whole is a truly remarkable book. I read it when I was in school, and I swear I slept with it under my pillow for many nights. My best friend from school, still calls me up every time he thinks of the alchemist. If you are yet to read The Alchemist, and dont want the story ruined for you, please leave now, and return when you finish. <br /><br />The Alchemist is about this boy Santiago who dreams of a treasure, makes his way from Spain to the pyramids in Egypt on the way falling in love and claiming his treasure and how the universe conspires to help him achieve it. I still think chasing treasure is a bad metaphor for chasing your dreams. I mean, would you really leave the love of your life for some treasure that may or may not exist?<br /><br />The universe do conspire, as I keep finding out over and over much to my annoyance, but for what, that is the mystery. May be, Coelho has got it right, it conspires for you to achieve whatever you may want, but the problem with living in the modern world is nobody has any clue what they want. And the stupid effing conspiring universe is, -er- well, stupid. It apparently cant differentiate between the people who want something and people who are just confused. Or maybe, the confused people have screwed up the calculations. Or two people want the same thing. Or maybe, we are just part of a cosmic joke. <br /><br />(I cant help but remember, Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy, book 4... the creator had this message for beings of this universe "Sorry for the inconvenience" )<br /><br />To tell you the truth I have no clue how this universe works. Nobody does. But by the time I started college, I had figured out one thing about dreams or the things you want. They are one and the same. You cant dream your way out of reality. You cant wish your dreams into coming true. You cant be unprepared for your dreams to shatter like glass. If you have a dream, the universe may conspire and help you achieve it. Or the universe may conspire to throw a rock at your dreams, so they shatter before you get a chance to chase them. One way or the other, you cant predict it. And no, calling it stupid and effing doesn't help. <br /><br />But here is the important thing. There are close to 7 billion people in this world. The universe apparently cant conspire for everyone at once. It ignores you more than it conspires for or against you. There is only one way to make your dreams come true. You fight for them. You wake up every morning, and you go to work to make your dreams come true. You dont complain or drown in self pity, but you pick up your hammer and start fixing what you want, starting from breakfast. And yes, you can fix your breakfast with a hammer (think seafood). <br /><br />Yes, The Alchemist is a truly remarkable book. But it is a book, and that is the problem. If the packs of cigarettes should contain statutory warnings, the same should be applied to these books. Like I said, it is a truly remarkable book.Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-77391586435544335542010-03-17T12:55:00.001-07:002010-03-17T12:59:06.134-07:00Happyness, or the pursuit that ofLife is not easy. A simple thing to say, simpler to accept. Yes you nod your head, and pass the sympathetic smiles like you do at times when you hear about death in a friend's family. But do you actually understand the pain at that moment? And likewise you don't, unless you pause and take a moment to consider life is not easy.<br /><br />Many things in life are overrated, and you can go on about arguing what is and what is not. But the sad thing is, like you agree life is not easy but don't really understand the fact unless you stop to consider, there is only one thing in life that sure as hell is not overrated. It is happyness (spelt with a y in dedication to the awesome movie pursuit of happyness). I say sadly, because even though you agree, odds are you are still not doing anything about it. How many things we chase since childhood, beginning from toys, sweets and balloonds, affection, honor, respect, girls/guys, marks, booze, partying, career, money and the list goes on. But when do we pursue happyness, if we do at all.<br /><br />Remember your first paycheck, and your happiness, did the subsequent ones brought anything more than relief at getting paid? Does your bank balance bring a smile to your face. When you were alone did your toys brought you comfort in your childhood, let alone happiness? Think of all the this on that list, or better still make your own list, and really think how much happiness did the things you chased madly brought you. If you are lucky, you will find the one thing that will be like a talisman in your heart, keeping you warm and happy in knowledge of its existence. If you don't, just think I am barking mad, and discard these silly mumblings of a pathetic poor idiot.<br /><br />Amen to your happyness (or the pursuit that of).<br /><br />As always, with love I remain<br /><br />Yours Truly,<br />VoidVoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-10561996413367050192010-03-11T14:40:00.000-08:002010-08-02T08:29:03.053-07:00More from the PastSeptember 12, 2007<br /><br />"I have a dream, a dream in which I see the time and hours I gave. I feel the tiredness in my limbs, I feel my eyes burning because I haven’t slept in so long. But I see a successful me, a better person."<br />--- From my early notes about Q4R<br /><br />I cant believe I predicted the effect of Q4R this accurately almost a year in advance. To Q4R! Here is a toast to the dead already and a hurrah for the next to die. <br /><br />October 1, 2007 <br /><br />Every step I take!<br /> <br />Every step that I take<br />Leads me to a road unseen, <br />I follow it in my heart’s wake<br />Full of pits and false stones,<br />I follow it in my heart’s wake.<br /> <br />The road beckons to me,<br />Whispering words of promise,<br />And feigning glimpse of the key,<br />To what it is that my heart seek.<br /> <br />And I knew that even before,<br />I set my foot on this treacherous path,<br />It is as they say in lores of yore,<br />My soul shall walk this path.<br /> <br />It is not the dangers I must face<br />That makes my stout heart shrink,<br />But the ghosts of past I must chase<br />So I can crawl, walk or run the road.<br /> <br />And in the deepest core of my heart,<br />Where no shadows ever fall,<br />For the light no darkness can part,<br />I wish, dream and hope.<br /> <br />I hope not for the quest, <br />To go well, undoubtedly as it shall.<br />But for courage so I can jest,<br />At every demon that dare.<br /> <br />I dream not of a better day,<br />For a better day shall surely come. <br />But for tiring limbs so I can say,<br />My sleepless night were not in vain.<br /> <br />I wish not for easy roads,<br />For toiling hard makes roads easy.<br />But for friends to share my loads,<br />So I can laugh, sing and be free.<br /> <br />I care not whiter to the road leads,<br />Colorful success or blinding pain,<br />Either way it’s a dream that feeds,<br />My heart and soul, while my body moves on.<br /> <br />Luv and Luck<br />VoidVoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-10479994800924964562010-02-21T16:39:00.001-08:002010-03-08T21:10:55.920-08:0020 reasons not to fall in love!Yay baby, the nasty post is back.<br /><br />As I find myself tethering on the edge of a failed romance, I am thinking what the hell. So without preamble, lets have it...<br /><br />(In a perfectly random order)<br /><br />* There are a lot of flavors of ice cream out there. There is chocolate chip, there is vanilla, butter scotch, strawberry. Why would you wanna get stuck with one, so like Joey said in Friends Pilot episode, "Grab a spoon!".<br /><br />* Ever heard of Amsterdam? If you fall in love, you can still probably make it to Amsterdam, to be able to enjoy the things that are legal there is a totally different issue.<br /><br />* Love is a figment of your imagination.<br /><br />* Think of all the women with loose morals! What will happen to them if guys like us keep falling in love. How will they survive! Its time you gave your humanitarian side a chance you know.<br /><br />* Think of all the beers you wont be able to drink! (I am only at my best with 3 beers inside of me and more on the way!)<br /><br />* As one of my best friends continuously reminds me, love is like a can of shaked up soda, just waiting to explode. In case it does explode, you wouldnt want to be in the way, would you?<br /><br />* Freeeeeeeeeddddddddddddoooooooooooooooooooom!!! I cant stress this enough! (literally!) Why would you want to put limitations on yourself!<br /><br />* The chief idea of falling in love is to help a person grow up. I strongly object to all forms of growing up! Trust me growing up is no fun!<br /><br />* The "plus 1" factor. You are never alone! Its like a blood sucking leech is attached to you all the time, feeding on you continuously.<br /><br />* Timing! What if you fall in love too early? Your life is ruined man! Think of all the places you wont be able to go, all the trips you wont be able to take! You may even end up getting married. What a perfectly horrendous idea. **shudders**<br /><br />* The conspiracy theory. Love is just a conspiracy spread by girls and sponsored by corporates, to twist the poor guys' heads into a mess so they no longer can differentiate right from wrong. It is a whole process of training the guys to be good husbands! You will know what I mean if you have ever trained a dog and been in a relationship, the principles involved are pretty much the same.<br /><br />* Vegas!! How can anybody think being in love is cooler than having a crazy no holds barred night in Vegas!<br /><br />* A great man had this to say about women,<br /><br />"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?""<br />--Sigmund Freud<br /><br />If the father of psychology cant answer that, what chance do you reckon you have?<br /><br />* Think about this. Do you want to fall from a 10th floor of a building?<br />Forget the 10th floor. Imagine this. You are sitting on your living room couch. Do you want to fall down from that? Then why the hell would anybody want to fall in love is beyond me!<br /><br />* People are pretty stupid as it is. Love just gives them a perfect reason to justify their stupidity! You know if I become president (a dear ambition of mine) some day, I will outlaw stupidity.<br /><br />* The sparkling dream! You lose touch with reality, and start chasing something that doesnt probably exist. You become oblivious to so much, everything appears so rosy and wonderful that by the time you wake up you are in one huge pile of manure.<br /><br />* Failure to accept reality is another side product of being in love. You are unable to accept the fact that your loved one may not be so perfect after all. Many people do, use and throw you know. No way to know for certain, why take the risk.<br /><br />* Think of all the new girls turning 18 every day!<br /><br />* Imagine this, you are driving 80 kmph on a highway. There is an intersection coming up, now if you are lost in the cuckooland, you wont slow down. If there is a truck coming up at right angles to you at the intersection, wham!<br />This is what happens in love, 90% of the time with consequences which I assure you are only more dangerous. Symptoms include loss of vision and purpose, temporary insanity etc.<br /><br />* The top reason --- Potential Heartbreak.<br /><br />I hope you enjoyed it, I will be back with more soon. Keep watching this space. The dedication for this post goes to the unparalleled genius of the truly awesome, Mr. Void.<br /><br />(Yes, I am dedicating this to myself, you got a problem with that?)<br /><br />Oh and on a totally unrelated issue, I declare opening of a complaint hotline. If you have a problem/disagreement with anything I write, please write it down on an A4 paper, fold it down, put it in an envelop. Write the topic to the envelop, address it to Complaints, Void Incorporated. Go to your pooper, and flush it down. I promise to ignore every flushed complaint.<br /><br />I on behalf of Void Incorporated, wish you all a very pleasant day.Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-23258004475783542792010-02-13T11:44:00.000-08:002011-03-15T14:00:48.991-07:00Haunted Musings<p><span style="font-family:arial;">Once upon a time, I used to write a lot. Some of it, even good. I love this story, and it is one of the best I have ever done. To think I was only 18, when I wrote this :P<br /></span></p><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Haunted Musings. </span><br /><br />Dear Father,<br /></span><p><span style="font-family:arial;">It has been twelve years since I abandoned the foundation of trust to walk into an abyss. An abyss that I am getting sucked into, deeper with every passing minute. Today, I write not because I seek my home back, I am writing to confide in you. I have to let somebody know.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">Something inside me has always prevented me from getting too attached to a soul, from getting too close. Hardly a week ago I met Gia. And the moment I saw her laughing, I felt her touch, everything changed. The times she kissed me, the times she ran to hug me, the times I listened to her talk, completely oblivious to the harm I was exposing her to, those are the moments I want to spend a lifetime in. When she fell asleep in my arms, clutching on for dear life, I never wanted to let go. Her innocence was her brilliance. When she was close to me all I wanted to do was provide every thing she will ever need. It seemed as if my life was divided in two parts, one before Gia and one after, an eternity separating them. I realized what a difference she made to my pathetic life. It is amazing how someone can affect you so. She made me smile, something I had long forgotten. I realized what I needed was a family that I could call mine. I realized I needed a Gia.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">I knew within days I will have to let her go for something I had run after all my life and yet something that had failed to provide me any happiness that I seek so desperately. I was culprit of keeping a young child estranged from her mother. I was guilty of keeping a child prisoner for the triviality called money. And as I was collecting my thoughts, the message came through. The parents had succumbed to all the demands. I was not surprised, I would have happily paid everything I had to keep her with me. Those were not the terms and I knew it. With a fist clenching my heart I still promised myself I will make sure I return a smiling child. That was not to be, those cops, those bastards… I can still remember the shock in her eyes, seeing me pull out a gun, the love replaced by fear. I can still remember the stray bullet, the scream, and the blood trickling down her brow… and the whole world went still. I know these are the thoughts I will take to my grave. How do you apologize for something like that? How do you make up for such a loss? Those fallen cops don’t mean a thing. I owe somebody their child. I owe somebody their Gia. I owe a six-year-old girl her life. She is dead because I didn’t care enough. Dad, I killed her. And no matter how hard I try I can’t make these tears stop to the point where I am hoping to god - please let me run out of tears. I can’t live through this. I wont. I will rather burn in hell than stay here burning inside everyday with guilt. By the time you read this I will be long gone from the face of this good earth. Father, I had to let somebody know…</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">A son who couldn’t be yours,</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">Adam Mark Aslegar<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">Mark Aslegar folded the piece of deteriorating letter as he wiped a tear from his eyes, having read it every single day for the past six years. </span></p>Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-74540217554063280052010-02-12T17:11:00.000-08:002010-03-09T02:22:47.086-08:00Guide to Life!Life, if you stop to inspect, is a series of incidents strategically following each other. I say strategically because I am being optimistic. If they are not strategic, they can be just as random as a roll of dice, so I would rather have someone knowing something about what the hell is happening all around us.<br /><br />The only thing to remember is it is too short.<br /><br />Dream, because dreams dont cost anything. Dont forget your dreams, never give up on them. On a day, when you are lying in dirt, beaten and bruised, and you can still remember your brightest dream and know its gonna happen, you will be alright. Either that, or well you have completely lost it.<br /><br />Make friends. That is the only thing you earn in your life. Rest means nothing. Stand by your best friends, mostly. Take that extra drink, spill your guts! literally!<br /><br />Remember your family. Be nice to your siblings. Forget grudges old and new with your parents. They will be gone before you know it. You will be glad if u do, or well extremely pissed!<br /><br />Take that chance. If you want something go after it. Dont drift with the flow. If you know what you want, you are one of the few lucky ones. Even if you miss out, it is always better to take that chance! Although missing out can be hazardous to health. And I said take a chance, not roll a dice at some casino!<br /><br />Travel. Reach out, expand your horizons. Remember the story of the nest bird.<br /><br />Get drunk every once in a while. It clears your head. It shows you (and others!) what you really want, and what you really think. Do that tequila shot every now and then. (Its a shame nothing much can be done about the others.)<br /><br />Be logical. Logic drives pretty much everything in this universe. It explains everything and it usually leads to a happy safe life. And it even drives the robots, so there you go!<br /><br />Fall in love. It is one of the few times in life, where you can bear to be vulnerable. If you ever feel like defying logic, do it for the person you fall in love with. It is an experience you dont want to miss out on. Truly agonizing! :P<br /><br />The only thing to remember is life is too short, so get busy living!<br /><br />Yours Truly,<br />The VoidVoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-83207310007293286722010-02-04T07:04:00.000-08:002010-03-09T02:22:53.899-08:00Blast from the pastI am sort of lost again. It is surprising how often does that happen! Anyway, I found an old diary of mine, with a lot of stuff I had written, some of it live as it happened. This is bits and pieces from the darkest part of my mind, intensely personal. And therefore it is obvious, why it must be censored!<br /><br />(Most of the following I wrote when I was passing time on the last bench in a class)<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">..... I am a horrible student, always been a last </span>bencher<span style="font-style: italic;"> unless coerced by forces of evil towards otherwise. And surely you </span>dont<span style="font-style: italic;"> expect me to listen....</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">... You see the things you dream about all of your life and you finally get them, </span>dont<span style="font-style: italic;"> always turn out to be the way you intend them to be...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">............And I met my </span>treacherous<span style="font-style: italic;"> past, there was a lot that was to be said and should have been said and yet I </span>didnt<span style="font-style: italic;">.....</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">..... There comes a time for everyone when they feel completely, utterly alone. This happens when you are forsaken by your best friends, the people you trust. And first you drift into a sea of nothingness and before you realize it, you get hit by a rock that you didnt knew exist.....</span><br /><br />(And a particularly disturbing entry,)<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">August 29, 2006</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Today looks like another long day. It is particularly difficult to spend the whole day surrounded by people and the days..... (unreadable)..... I dont know what the cure is, I am upto my head in crap.</span> (Wonder what triggered this entry)<br /><br />"<span style="font-style: italic;">The point Arpit, is to remember you must never give up on a friend.</span>"(This I believe is the best spur of the moment thing anybody ever said to me, I keep it close to my heart)<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">You critics or whatever else you may call yourself, are ashamed or frightened of the momentary and transient extravagance which are to be found in all creative minds and whose longer and shorter duration distinguishes thinking artists from the dreamer. You complain of your unfruitfulness because you reject too soon and discriminate too severely. </span><br />(A paragraph from a letter some author wrote to his critics, reproduced by Sigmund Freud in his book Dream Interpretation)<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">My head is on the verge of an explosion. A battle rages inside, a decision made subconsciously conflicts with the desires of the heart. What heart desires is often complex and more often is impragmatic. What heart desires is not always attainable, but the brain impregnated with power to reason and loaded with logic figures out a course of action less prone to failure. But the brain is incapable of power beyond all, a power that is both great and terrible. Dreams. Dreams can wake a man from grave and yet the same can drive him insane. Brain is also without the driving force that makes silver linings in the darkest of clouds. Its called hope. Hope is omnipresent, and its the one thing that nobody can ever take away from you. Courage can fail, hard work comes to naught but hopes and dreams retain the power to vanquish the darkest hour. </span><br />( July 13th, 2006, I remember the day, and things werent well when I wrote this. This somehow brought me peace, and has done so many times since.)<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">........ I just wish I could put all this behind me and close my eyes and fucking go to sleep.....</span><br />(A hard bout of insomnia catching up with me)<br /><br />.<span style="font-style: italic;">........ The body is full of hyper energy which is going to waste more than use.......</span><br />(One of the days trying to put TIRC together)<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">.... Its 1.35am and my hair are progressively greying by the thought of the magnitude of this event.....</span><br />(from the letter inviting people to join TIRC)<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">There are times in life when you encounter things beyond your capability. These are perhaps the most testing times anybody can face or the easiest. The difference lies in the attitude, broadly divided into go-getter or happy-go-lucky person. Go getter is the better human being, while the happy-go-lucky person is well, happier. Period!</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Maybe passion is overrated maybe because passionate people are the unhappy ones. They chase sparkling dreams, and go after things they believe in, things they love. They are the ones who proudly wear their hearts on their sleeves and are not afraid of getting hurt. But a passionate guy is bound to be miserable as he comes to terms with his own limitations or the cavalier manner of his comrade/colleague/companions. But the passionate people will give you everything they got, till long after they can afford to.............</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">..... Maybe passion is overrated, but all it requires is two passionate people madly in love with each other to make an exciting life out of nothing............ I may not be much, but sure as hell know that I am passionate!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>There unfortunately is no end to this diary, and I believe I will stop now, to be continued on a later date. Till then,<br /><br />love<br />Void<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /></span>Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-82740201545426644832009-09-07T13:18:00.000-07:002009-09-17T14:36:30.437-07:00The Nasty PostAs I fight a fresh bout of depression/self-pity, I feel this is no reason to ruin my blog with pathetic and self deprecating mumblings. So I decided to go nasty instead... Welcome to the Nasty Post, and I hereby announce opening of a whole new tag and category-- The Nasty Ones!<br /><br />I should begin by explaining what I mean by nasty. The first requisite for a post to be categorized as nasty is it should be "dripping" with sarcasm. It is a blatant attack on a system, person, idea, or basically any social crap that we have to put up with. Although not necessary, but I will try to put as much dark (or shallow) humor as possible to make it an excellent read.<br /><br />To begin with the post..<br /><br />I have been quoted as saying relationships are important because they help you grow and become a better person. Although I am starting doubt that, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">cuz</span> walking down that lane again, I only have horrible ideas. But still, lets give being good a chance. There are many things that come as dowry in a relationship, even if it is 5 minutes of making out with a stranger or 10 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">mins</span> of it, with a dear old friend while you are drunk. Whether its long distance or short, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">doesnt</span> matter. This dowry is sometimes good, sometimes bad, just like everything in life. So what I will do is, take the 10 best items of the dowry and tell you why its good to be in a relationship. Next time you feel strained by a relationship or feel like dumping yo<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ur</span> significant other, come back and read this. Not that it will solve any of your problems, but I do hope it will give you one solid laugh.<br /><br />So in perfectly random order<br /><br />* You have a standing excuse to bail on stupid/boring plans your friends made or if you have to help them with something that you dont want to do<br /><br />* Every guy has a feminine side, what better opportunity to do those things that you always wanted to do but cant because they are feminine. Your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">gf</span> will love you for it.<br /><br />* Increasing your visibility in the girl sororities<br /><br />* Now that you are unavailable, it increases your rating with your dreamgirl, the one that you were always afraid to ask out. A recent study showed, people are always interested in what they cant have.<br /><br />* If you play it cool and well enough, your parents dont bother you as much because they are curious about the long hours you spend talking on the phone, and they start being nice to you.<br /><br />* It is one up on the brothers without girlfriends, and in those mean circles any sort of advantage is cool.<br /><br />* Your kid cousins dont try to fix you up with their kid friends.<br /><br />* My personal favorite: Its nice to have someone who can list all your shortcomings in under a minute, if you ever decide to strive to be a better person.<br /><br />* It increases your cool quotient. In many circles it is considered lame to be single, and well cool to have a girlfriend. Like disc, for example, many wont let you enter without a female friend.<br /><br />* And of course, the unmentionables! After all it is one step closer to the booty town thing we talked about earlier. ;)<br /><br />I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I seriously hope certain people will not suddenly find out about the existence of this webspace and log on to it, that can turn awkward. But if they do, let me just say, its all in good fun and nothing personal.<br /><br />As always, with love<br /><br />Yours Truly<br />VoidVoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-26745956667829231942009-08-20T10:45:00.000-07:002009-08-20T11:25:47.755-07:00An Iota of InspirationLast time I started writing, I wanted to write something that would inspire me and get my deepest thoughts out. Instead I ended up bitching about a failed romance. I hope to go better this time.<br /><br />It has been a rough couple of months for yours truly, the Void. I have lost so much, seen so much come to naught, that I am beginning to doubt myself. Well actually, I started doubting myself, a long time ago, right now I am starting to give up on myself. Everywhere things are like coming to no conclusion, and as much as I am trying to move forward I cant. Its the deep alley I described two years ago, I am back there again. (Click <a href="http://lilvoid.blogspot.com/2007/07/scattered-life.html">here</a> to read that post)<br /><br />And real life and dreams are colliding, big time. I keep trying to assure myself its going to be ok, and trying to keep positive, and not get frustrated by it, but it aint happening. I am cold, and as much as I hate to admit this, I am rattled. <blockquote></blockquote><blockquote>"A decison that went wrong in the past, misfortune and misery piled up and one strike and crash..."</blockquote><br /><br />But, shit happens all the time. And you have to look above all of that, and be good. I always say, Failure is when your best wasnt good enough, but what does a failure mean? Does it mean your life is over? Or that none of your dreams will ever come true? Some failures are more obvious, like failing a test, now u can always reappear in that test, so not such a big deal. Unfortunately, not all failures are that simple.<br /><br />But you know, I am disappointed too. Because, I did put in an effort towards everything, I have worked hard for four years, and I expected some rewards right about now. I am just trying to convince myself, that I dont deserve anything, but I cant make myself believe it. Simply because I have put in too much fucking effort, to see it come to naught. Its all so screwed up that I am left wondering where would I be right now, if I had slacked off like many of my friends. Down a sewer maybe?<br /><br /><br />And maybe I have some other purpose, maybe I am meant to do something else. But most likely, my dues aint paid yet. It looks like, I still have some battles to fight before I can get my life back on track. I am prepared to start at the bottom again, and I am excited about it too. I know I will make something out of it. Right now, hope has really deserted me and there is no light coming in from anywhere, but well, things will change. They have to, I wont give up. After twenty two years of fighting life trying to screw me (at least last 10 years of it), I can easily take a few more years. No problems. I will fight back, its like that U2 song, "There is nothing you can throw at me, that I havent already had(heard)". I may be down, but I am not out. Noway!<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span>Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-39203598972711374182009-05-27T14:18:00.000-07:002009-09-17T14:32:18.507-07:00Farewell, Baba... May the stars watch over you<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">"The distance was just over 150 km, but in our hearts it was more."</span><br /><br />How do you say your final goodbyes? What do you say to a dying man? What do you say to your person who has loved you since the day you were born, changed your diapers, read you bed time stories, let you win at cards, smiled at your jokes even if they hurt him, what do you say?<br /><br />What do you say to someone who is much older than you are, seen the life about four times as much as you have, someone who made his life himself, and in all probability made the difference between you being born on a farm or in the city. A person who has contributed to what you are today and what you will be tomorrow. Your first teacher.<br /><br />What do you say to a person you love so deeply, but standing besides his deathbed you feel awkward. What do you say to a person, you have known your entire life and dont know a single thought running inside his head. What do you say to a person who wont speak back. What do you say to a person, who loves you so much that he cried everytime he saw you, but today with eyes wide open cant summon up a smile on his face.<br /><br />What do you say to a dying man, how do you tell him it is over. How do you decide when to stop the oxygen and when to bring him home, where he want to close his eyes. How do you play the executioner of God's will. How do you decide when to kill, the one responsible for your presence in the world.<br /><br />What do you say to his wife, whose tears are uncontrollable, how do you reason with her. How do you reason with yourself, how do you tell yourself to move on and to forget the past. How do you not remember the differences of opinion, and how do you wish for them to go away, how do you turn back time and wipe away those memories of anger and folly. How do you reason with yourself, it wasnt your fault.<br /><br />How do you control the deep sorrow welling up your heart, how do you wipe away unshed tears or for that matter how do you cry for one who helped shape what you are today. How do you go downstairs and find the will to sit beside his dead body and chant mantras, how do you go to sleep. What do you tell his brother, who expects you to sit next to him and help him through the night with chanting of mantras. How do you switch on your faith in God, and how do you believe there are better things in store for him.<br /><br />How do you say goodbye to your grandpa?<br /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">"The distance was just over 150 km, but in our hearts it was more."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></span></span>How do I make it untrue?<br /><br />In all of my glory, and self confidence... this is Void... confused and defeated... hoping the non cynics will fare better than I have.<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></span></span>Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-249613450863084742009-04-01T16:07:00.000-07:002009-09-17T14:36:30.437-07:0020 things to do before graduatingWe are graduating in june(or nearabouts) this year, and we all will soon be one of those 9-5 job guys... or if considering recession... unemployed. Both are depressing, each one more than the other. This is the last fun part of your entire life. So what is the craziest thing you wanted to do but never had the balls to do... or thought insensible to do?<br /><br />Here is my list... I have already done many of them.. but still<br /><br />20) Tell a lecturer how stupid he is, when he confidently suggests a wrong thing.<br /><br />19) Slap the stupid blighter in case he disagrees.<br /><br />18) Tell my hod how gay he is.<br /><br />17) Try drinking desi tharra (alcohol)<br /><br />16) Get into a really nasty fight.<br /><br />15) Get really drunk and sneak into girl's hostel!<br /><br />14) Return of Bajrang Dal... (enough said!)<br /><br />13) kill all biharis except kinetic bihari of corse... TI rules!<br /><br />12) Start singing "you are not alone" by tears for fears loudly in examination hall.<br /><br />11) Kill my old quarterback's "sister"!<br /><br />10) Find the principal, grab him by both arms and shout "engines can't be made of plastic you fool"<br /><br />9) Find our chairman, and say "You are fucking blind man... and so are your close circuit cameras"<br /><br />8)Convince the english professor to attend english speaking classes.<br /><br />7) Walk out of a lecture on the grounds that the lecturer is too stupid and even I can't teach him!<br /><br />6) Have an unlimited booze party with strippers!<br /><br />5) Spray paint "HOD('s name) is a loser all over the campus.<br /><br />4) Give a seminar on lovelogy and the proper way to smooch... really the kids have it all wrong!<br /><br />3) Have an ONS..<br /><br />2) Find a job (with the market situation as it is, that actually is a crazy thing)<br /><br />1)---CLASSIFIED--- <br /><br />I hope you enjoyed it, I will be back with more soon. Keep watching this space.<br /><br />Luv<br />VoidVoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-64817465295174831492009-02-28T14:02:00.000-08:002009-09-17T14:32:43.176-07:00The Three Months<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGg91EGM3i4bF8BuSEzYIReKeiT3XexYiaduYFpjTw37zuulS4IRHWVXrphLJtnu_HPID5ENMjsgr7-haCKvkEqQUBKDdzx1JJeC0HVcLYNHNdfYg3fS6pecgjGj023HqZa6oFbWkd1IZa/s1600-h/ist2_2830135_celtic_dark_love_with_.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 220px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGg91EGM3i4bF8BuSEzYIReKeiT3XexYiaduYFpjTw37zuulS4IRHWVXrphLJtnu_HPID5ENMjsgr7-haCKvkEqQUBKDdzx1JJeC0HVcLYNHNdfYg3fS6pecgjGj023HqZa6oFbWkd1IZa/s320/ist2_2830135_celtic_dark_love_with_.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5307997466206495586" border="0" /></a><br />People sometimes ask me why I dont publicise my blog? Its simply because then my blog will be public and I wont be able to get in all personal and stuff. Still I figure I need to write something really cool and nasty, that sounds more like me to get over all the stupid things I wrote in the last part.<br /><br />One of the things about being twenty one and waiting on your real life to begin is, it is the best time to get into a relationship. The equation is really simple, you have three months left on college. So you try and find someone, have the fun part and get out. Thats like a normal relationship, right? Wrong, basically you have an exit coming up on the highway, and you know it is coming up three months down the line! You have it all planned, three months later you will move, definitely move to a new place and into new dynamics. The dynamics shift is what we are looking for.<br /><br />To understand what I really mean, lets go back three and a half years. You are a young eighteen year old, walking in, the world is your oyster and all that crap teens believe in. You develop a crush in your first month, ask her out in the second, date her in the third, tolerate her in the fourth, fight her in the fifth and you dump her in the sixth. You still have three and a half years left at the place where you are stuck with the people you never want to see in your life! A lot can go wrong in the three and a half years! You can end up in same friend circle, your best friend can end up dating her, you can end up dating her best friend. That is not to mention all the jokes your friends are going to throw at your face when you two bump in a very public place (like the cafeteria!) It has crisis written all over it. You suddenly find out the life is a bytch, and you get four years training on exactly what kind of bytch the life is!<br /><br />Or you can choose to skip that training. Believe me life being a bytch is a lesson you will learn without even trying. Life tries to screw you so bad and so much, that by the time four years are over your ass resembles the surface of a golf ball!<br /><br />Now if you are dating outside your college, let us hope you are suitably located for that kind of thing. That you are living in the heart of the city, and your college workload allows you considerable freedom, then you can date someone who is not remotely connected to your college.<br />Or there is the LDRs, I am personally prejudiced against LDRs simply because they are lame and is basically not at all like being in a relationship but yeah, there is the LDR. Especially if the chick is in your hometown, your hometown is hundred miles from college and attendance is not so much compulsary. Otherwise they dont work.<br /><br />But there is a downside to this, what happens is when you are dating someone outside the college that means you are not interested in girls in your vicinity. So what happens is the girls in your vicinity assume you are gay or DC. Now if you break up with the LDR or the gal outside college you get stuck in a no-women's-land zone, which is basically opposite of lesbian booty town. Comparing it with stats, there is 87% chance you will break up before you are 20 and 98% chance you will break up before 21. (Did you know 42% of all stats are made up on the spot?)<br /><br />So how the three month period works.... In the forst month you locate a girl, calculate the stability and probability (forget the crush part). In the second month you date her, in the third month you create the distance. In the fourth month, but wait... there is no fourth month! You are out of college, just change sims, block her from facebook and orkut and you are done. Or if you dont want to be nasty, you can just keep on increasing the distance, using the shifting dynamics as an excuse, till the elastic limit is reached, plastic deformation occurs and yield point is reached (sorry I am a mechanical engineer!)<br /><br />Now, why the three month period is crucial. First and foremost WE LIVE IN INDIA, by the time the girl is finishing her four year course their is a eighty percent likelihood her parents are trying to get her married! Even if they are not, the marriage is not distant at all. The girls are looking for freedom and life saviors. Second reason is well, near the end, ends happen! Lot of vulnerable people out there! Third reason is you are stepping into a grownup world, younger chicks dig that. Vulnerability is not just about relationships being over, people also get scared before any new beginnings, like first day of school, first day of college, the first day of real life is approaching!! Run! Run for your lives!!<br /><br />But the most important reason is people go crazy near graduation. There is simply too much fun that was there in your college life, so in the dying moments you want to have as much of it as possible. You have dreams (not the academic ones you idiot), thoughts, you wanted to accomplish! I shit you not, girls have fantasies about things they want to do before leaving college that will make your head spin! If you get inside it is very close to lesbian booty town! ;)<br /><br />Have fun and please hook up!<br /><br />Love<br />Void<br /><br />P.S. I humbly dedicate this post to awesome and "legen.... wait for it..... dary (legendary)" Barney Stinson. Go read the <a href="http://www.cbs.com/primetime/how_i_met_your_mother/community/barney_blog/index.php">Barney's Blog</a> for more wisdom!Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-2739089747852113282009-02-25T10:16:00.000-08:002009-09-17T14:33:02.409-07:00My Two Steps to UnderstandingI was pissed, then I begin thinking.<br />I understood the first step and I was still pissed.<br />I kept thinking<br />I understood the second step and I was no longer pissed.<br />I stopped thinking and went to bed.<br /><br />That is how last three days have been. I have introspected, blamed myself for things that werent my fault. Gotten mad, lost control of self. But I finally figured it out.<br /><br />There are very few things like morphine in this world. Nothing gives as much kick as a single shot of morphine in your spine. But there is something quite close, somebody coming up to you and saying in a very even tone they hate you, hate you double, loathe you.<br /><br />The thing that really bothered me was it shouldnt be bothering me, if you know what I mean. Never has anybody gotten so much inside my head than that girl... ugh! But what happens, happens. Not much we can do about it. What we can do instead is figure out they why and take precautions that situation like that dont repeat. Not "the someone saying I hate you" part, but "the bothering" part!<br /><br />I always quite knew I am not the most popular guy around, people hate me and I am fine with it.<br />Not much we can do about others. What ticked me off was when the blame games started. I got blamed for things I didnt do and for things I did opposite of. I am not saying I was all right, I too did some bad things, but well... I did what I had to do, to keep the Q4R going. And another thing that upset me was the fact, throughout the year I took so much shit for supporting these people, and at the end of it they dont appreciate it. Sometimes, I wonder why the hell I bothered.<br /><br />But then, I am happy. I gave people a chance. I tried to make something happen, and maybe it didnt turn out the way some people thought, but it still was something amazing. That was the second step of understanding. She isnt mad at me, but herself. Everybody lost a lot during Q4R, but we all gained. There was not a single person who went to Japan as part of TIRC who didnt become a better/improved/well-rounded (take ur pick) person due to this project. Some of us even believe we took the transition from boys to men in this phase. But there was one person who didnt learn anything. One who lost on other fronts and gained nothing from the project. One person who let that opportunity slip right through her hands. She is mad because she knew she blowed a chance. By blaming it on me, she is seeking redemption of some sorts. It is the defense mechanism at work.<br /><br />So what do I do? I stand by and watch... I dont interfere. Let her figure out these things on herself, if she does it will hurt but she will take step closer to development. If she doesnt.. well shortcuts also work! At this point I have decided to renew my theory of minimal human interaction. It was a bitter pill I got and I dont want another taste of it anytime soon.<br /><br />Until laters!<br /><br />Love<br />Void!Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-25783649438445138912009-02-20T12:14:00.000-08:002009-02-20T12:59:36.671-08:00Ugh!!I should really be allowed to shoot some people. On such a lovely and beautiful day, when there is the first warmth of the spring sun, people can mess with your head!<br /><br />Thats why I am happy with minimum contact. And I am not kidding. I just happen to have excellent reasons to do it. Like for instance, this friend of mine (well we are not exactly friends, more like acquaintainces) out of nowhere instilled the idea of becoming a better person in my head. And that idea is a bytch to begin with!! The idea is so deeply horrible and self destructive that I am compulsed to follow it, which basically means curbing all my natural instincts.<br /><br />The good news is, my insomnia is back and so is nicotine and caffiene. On a day like today, about a month ago, I figured out a couple of things. The first was there are always, invariably two steps to understanding. The first is you understand the situation and the second is you understand the cause of the situation. And we are no nearer a solution yet. Thats whats bugging me. I am as away from the second step as anyone could ever be.<br /><br />The second thing I figured out was I only want things that I cant get! I dont know if it holds true for everyone, but yes all indications are in that direction!! So the problem basically is I want something I cant have. I only want it because I cant have it, and if I get it I wouldnt want it anymore! Not that I am anywhere even near to getting that thing.<br /><br />I know what you are thinking... I am messed up in head. Well, what is to say I am not!Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-58863687090031908152008-12-29T08:49:00.000-08:002009-09-17T14:35:30.203-07:00Goodbye, 2008: The Best Ever<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFvFjCiIpxLu1G_s4hDY_S5BJJ9nhIhONOqRVEs9pPOA5cTG13NGR9si9foqkRpl-ewOXotbpLsoNt96WGkK3fXFiTV9tn_KClg3OiHrSY7VxFaft_QIxiDdvOxpwcJ-yzKURZAjIgtfCe/s1600-h/DSC00166.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFvFjCiIpxLu1G_s4hDY_S5BJJ9nhIhONOqRVEs9pPOA5cTG13NGR9si9foqkRpl-ewOXotbpLsoNt96WGkK3fXFiTV9tn_KClg3OiHrSY7VxFaft_QIxiDdvOxpwcJ-yzKURZAjIgtfCe/s320/DSC00166.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5285283034097926482" border="0" /></a><br />20 years from now I will look back at the year 2008 and will say that was one of the best fucking years of my life. The same way I look back at 96-97 as the best period till now.<br /><br />2008 brought back a lot of things I had lost in previous years. 2008 gave me back my confidence and my arrogant stride. 2008 returned to me the power of being good, it brought back old lost friends, and surprisingly a helluva lot stronger family bonds. It also brought back my self respect that was sometime ago flushed down a gutter. It gave me many new things like playing the role of an elder brother or mentor to some of my friends. I found the leader inside of me, reluctant at first but now in flow. And of course, the capability to love... that I had lost somewhere.<br /><br />Life aint perfect, 2008 probably had more downs than I care to admit. But I dont count my life in terms of bad moments. Doing that is plain sad and waste of thought. I say this is the best, cuz I enjoyed it the most. I loved busting my ass to complete the project. I loved hanging out with the guys and getting drunk. I even enjoyed watching and handling Khurana-the drunk baby. I loved skipping lectures, getting on teacher's nerves. I loved plotting and strategising on the best course of actions. I loved studying, cuz the last semester was a hell lot interesting than study ever was. I loved how I was able to use, Satan's darkest tool-- manipulation for the good of Q4R.<br /><br />To add to all that Indian cricket team has finished the year on a real high, winning T-20, getting to second pedastal in Test championship and all that. Liverpool is doing well too, my second favorite sporting team in the world, right now top of the table in BPL, top of the table in champions league group stage. Ferrari, my third favorite is also doing quite alright, winning the constructor's championship and all that. And of course, team India got like 3 medals at the Olympics!! That was the first!! So its been a good year overall, sportswise.<br /><br />Now you will say 2008 might have been good for sports, but what about business.. recession and all that. But then you cant have all the things in life can you? If you do what will be left to fight for? And if there is nothing to achieve wont life be boring and everything? I say fight for things that are in our control rather than those that are not...<br /><br />But a good year isnt just the one which gives enjoyable moments, I say this is the best because not onlyI enjoyed it but it also presented challenges and opportunities for the coming year. A lot has been achieved in 2008, the year that was the high waters of a truly entertaining voyage. 2009 is the year we reap the awards, reach the destination.. I hope it is as fun as this year has been...<br /><br />luv n luck for '09<br />VoidVoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-91403639669132369442008-09-22T11:07:00.000-07:002009-09-17T14:35:30.204-07:00The Year That WasYes, of course you got that right. That is the title of my unpublished abandoned first pathetic attempt at what even I couldnt categorize as a book... but yes it was a start and definitely one of the better titles I have invented over the years. Does that mean today I talk about my failed attempts at writing? definitely not.. thats a story for some other day. Today is the day for nostalgia.. and nostalgia is such an ugly word, the sound is all wrong, the spelling.. it reminds me of nausea and that sure is an ugly word.<br /><br />So I get nostalgic a lot, big deal. Nostalgia leads to great stories or memoirs or just plain simple blabbering. Which one is on for tonight is but obvious. Today we explore the year in which I found and lost friends, remade them and ended up in serious brotherhood than I expected. The year I went on my first overseas trip, and the year I did something to be proud of, and of course the year I fell in love! lol, kidding about the last part..<br /><br />So the year (and I dont mean 2008, I mean the academic year meaning somewhere August 2007 to till now) started with an acquaintance falling on his head one fine evening and seriously injuring his head. Out of this trumultous experience bred out the single most dangerous plan I have heard in my entire life. And as the fate would have it, I had a similar accident the next day and the severe trauma of the accident led me to accept what the plan had to offer. Somewhere down the road, we named it Q4R and of course Torque India Racing Club. See the trouble with my group is we are all emotional fools. We deliberately avoid any path that rationality suggests and hence we end up in more than our share of troubles. And as I recall one fine day in the middle of all of this chaos, I was sane enough to consider walking out of this plan but then of course my besty, the evil sorceress, deluded me with talks of pain and blood and right and wrong. Of course, she is sitting somewhere right now laughing uncontrollably at my misery. And then we got our first success, a bright young lad joined our group and he brought smiles for all and also our first cash sponsor. And we all have our fingers crossed that someday he will take leadership burden. He is a good kid, and although he did cry twice in Japan without any reason I believe he is strong enough.<br /><br />And the year moved on, new year arrived, bringing university exams along. I did well in most of that, passed everything, and then of course febuary came. And everybody knows that I hate febuary, also January but not so much. And as luck would have it, I saw death again and I lost again. But Febuary brought some happy news along, like a car on four wheels, that was Febuary, 14th. But moving on, it wasnt much later that we had our first grand success, we had a running car as on April, 4th and it was a success. It didnt abandon us during the launch on April,5th and ran smooth as a cucumber and we were all relieved. We did fuck up the launch seminar pretty badly as were grossly mismanaged and underprepared, but TI-07 ran smooth and that was all that mattered.<br /><br />Barely after the euphoria of success settled down, we were faced with the impossible choice, either get the rest of the money or shut the project down. Somebody called 15 days to get the money or quit, we got money in 7. That was somewhere towards the end of April. And that was the start of it all. We planned and schemed and blueprinted what TI-08 would be like, we discussed argued and selected an engine and went on a shopping spree. Nothing did last, barely had we started with our chassis work, the Uni Exams came to haunt us. And this time I might have flunked a couple, I am not sure. The results aint out yet, but maybe I didnt cuz my first impression was I didnt, so well. Once the exams were over, it was sweat and blood and thats all it took really. Countless sleepless nights, countless 16 hour shifts and countless days spent in sun on a roadside pavement completing a dream. And we did, and we did go to Japan.. but<br /><br />The engine blew up, and I am not the kind of guy who cry at movies or watching tv. I dont cry when people die. But for some reason tears came out. Maybe it was at my stupid fucked up life, or my enormously screwed up luck, or maybe it was just plain disbelief. Cuz I believed we were the good guys, and according to karma we should have got back what we gave. But damn it wasnt meant to be. And perhaps even with the engine, we wouldnt have one that comp but damn it I wanted TI-08 to show what it was truly capable of. And in Fukuroi city, that night I drank my brains out. I was so hammered, I couldnt have differentiated between people and I might have killed someone if the right moment presented. And at that moment I felt like it was the end of my motorsporting dreams.<br /><br />But Tokyo happened. And I saw life again (there was this great Mexican Sports Bar, called Los Cabos and it was amazing. I had virtually every drink in there and every food! I even ate an Octopus, met with some hookers and other random chicks), and my brothers rallied around me once more, demanding whats their right, another shot at the competition. And yes I was initially very negative, very cynical of chances of survival of Torque India. I am even on a video stating Torque India should disband right now, but I was wrong. TIRC is not one man, its more than that, its heart and blood and sweat of at least seven good men if not more. And well I couldnt just give up, can I? I am in this too deep to quit. And I am glad I made that choice cuz TIRC really deserve another chance.<br /><br />And as I say again and again, Life is but a matter of choice, this or that, yin or yang.<br />Hope still drives me...Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-30485607741922962322008-08-04T09:14:00.000-07:002008-08-05T09:45:23.123-07:00Crazy Ideas: Vol 3: The Return of The VoidI have been busy.<br /><br />Does that encompass lack of a post for eight months, is something I can not answer. Q4R occupied most of those eight months, that I can assure you. Q4R is on the verge of a successful end (or is it the beginning?), by the way.<br /><br />Chalo, I will begin the post.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Terror(?) Attacks!!</span><br /><br />And here we go again, a bomb here and a bomb there. Three cities, and all three of them I share a special connection with, Jaipur, Bangalore, Ahmedabad.<br /><br />I spent my childhood in Jaipur, formative years in Ahmedabad and Bangalore just for the amazing place it is, and because two of my bestest friends live there.<br /><br />And I was thinking, as always, watching stuff from a distance you know like I am used to.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.desert-voice.net/palestinian_terrorist.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 262px; height: 394px;" src="http://www.desert-voice.net/palestinian_terrorist.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a> And two theories strike me, one admittedly because of my mother and the other one for the sheer genius of it.<br /><br />India has been a terrorist hub for ages, our neighboring countries cant seem to respect our National Integrity, or maybe they cant control their citizens. Maybe they don't appreciate the fact that a country can be secular and progressive at the same time or maybe all religions are equal. (The all religion part is real easy for me, being an atheist and all!) Its a well known fact that our neighbors all around the borders have tried infiltration with one form or the other. This fact has been well documented, put in public view and everything. But this is not the point I am trying to put across. There is something missing, there have been bombs before but not so many, and not in the smaller cities (aside of J&K of course) and definitely not so frequently. And I haven't done any research work but I just flat feel a difference. And what about Research and Analysis Wing (RAW), where are they? Haven't they been the top intelligence agency after maybe CIA? How come they couldn't foil these attacks this time, I am sure they don't publicise it but they do spoil a lot of such attempts every year. How do you spoil a plan? Informants, eavesdropping and a million other techniques that are P2C2E (Process too complicated to explain). And so the failure means RAW or IB didn't have any informants, couldn't eavesdrop-definitely means new agency!!<br /><br />New don't mean new like old timer organization Lashkar n stuff, the ISLAMIC group. Neither it is Maoists, naxalites or any other and here are the two theories, and what "new" might be.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Insider Theory</span><br /><br />First one is not my theory like I said before, heard from my mommy first and heard it repeated by Ms. Sushma Swaraj (I have always liked her, by the way). The government is doing it? If you haven't heard the UPA has taken a huge hit in the guts by the inflation. Three cities got hit, all BJP ruled states! You can blame it on BJP government, and their incompetence like the "central" government did. You can also ask the question, why the hell? And when did the politics got so dirty as putting the blame on each other for terrorist acts!!<br /><br />Congress, if I remember correctly have been blamed for massacre, killings, etc. before this. And well after the note wads being waved at the parliament nothing would surprise me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Outsider Theory</span><br /><br />If somebody else has expressed this theory somewhere before I am not aware of it, it is just something that came to my mind.<br /><br />If you look closely at the top of Indian Government, we have two brilliant economists in Manmohan Singh and Chidambaram. So why is our finances (inflation) so screwed up? Indian f<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.voluntarytax.info/images/uncle_sam_dollar_signs.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 193px; height: 172px;" src="http://www.voluntarytax.info/images/uncle_sam_dollar_signs.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>inances were always strong (inflation, gdp) even with the non economist ministers. Why is it going up. It almost makes you wonder. Add to it the instability in the government brought about by the NUCLEAR DEAL, your mind begins to churn. Throw in the bomb blasts, subtract the political corruption of the country (that saved the government), and you get a country with an uncontrollable inflation, no government and bombs exploding every corner. That means maybe you can connect all of them. If you have been reading the newspaper, USA has blamed India for food shortage, inflation in their country and have always been an awful ally. In fact for US, India, which was like an unsquattable bugging fly until a couple of decades ago, is now turning up as a competitor. Competitor who maintains both the GDP and Inflation at 8% steady continuously! And what was with the fall in the dollar, did it really touch 37? What would you do if you had all the resources and CIA! Maybe fuck up the finances, screw with the government and destabilize the country. Easy to do if a neighbor of the country you wanna mess up is your lapdog. After all CIA has a reputation to live up to!!<br /><br />Not that we can do anything about it but well, nice to have these thoughts out!!<br /><br />With Love<br />Void<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></span></span></span><br /></span>Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-64197223608287945382007-11-11T09:17:00.000-08:002010-02-23T10:16:23.646-08:00The Troublemakers in Chief<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://gallery.photo.net/photo/1968987-md.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://gallery.photo.net/photo/1968987-md.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />So my Quarterback says, "Whats the trouble chief"<br />"I have no idea my boy, but sure as hell I will find out."<br /><br />And thats what we have been doing since then, me and my quarterback. Finding The Answer!! Sorry for the delay peeps... It is as we say in German A man's gotta do what he gotta do.<br />(But thats English protests my quarterback. Damn him, he cant read worth shit!)<br /><br />Were we finding the trouble or creating is another matter and we will deal with that too. I have been a self proclaimed sexist for ages now. Why sexist? I will tell you a joke, I got it once or twice (or maybe 2000 times) in forwarded mail, that we all despise. You must have heard it...<br /><br />Girls require money and time, this gives<br /><br />Girls=MoneyxTime<br /><br />And according to old dictum Time is Money.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.smartblonde.net/photos/LP-061-2T.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.smartblonde.net/photos/LP-061-2T.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Girls= MoneyxMoney = (Money) ^2<br /><br />But Also money is the root of all Evil<br /><br />This Gives<br /><br />Girl= {sqr root(Evil)}^2= Evil<br /><br />So Girls are basically evil. Telling you this joke doesnt make me a sexist, even my quarterback agrees (This must be simple if even he can understand it!!) Even liking this joke dont make me a sexist. What makes me a sexist is the fact that I believe it to be something worthy of Einstein! Even better than his work on General Relativity! It is one sparkler! (Which reminds me of the closest thing to this brilliant proof! Its definition of relativity by none other than Mr. Albert Einstein... "Talk to a pretty girl for an hour and it willl fee like a second, put a finger in flame for a second it will seem like eternity. That my friend is relativity!")<br /><br />Now that we have established Girls are evil theory as the base of this post, I dont mind sharing with you the trouble me and my quarterback were facing was girl trouble. ( What are you doing man? Thus spoke my worthy quarterback at this point. Ignore him, he is a little upset. Its not his fault, things havent been going so well for him lately) We were fighting girls. (Not girls you dumbass, evil! says my quarterback. ~grin~ thats why he is my quarteback you know!!)<br /><br />So I and my quarteback embark upon a quest, a quest of irradicating the good in our life and to embrace evil. A journey that so many before us have foolhardingly undertaken. Do we expect to tame evil? In retrospect this sounds really silly but we did hope so! We actually believed that we can conquer evil and make it our bytch! But damn it the evil consumed us, left us soul less.<br />(But you were the one who swallowed my soul, protests my quarteback. He is just babbling now,<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.digitalcinemareport.com/images/images_issue72/narniaded5_275.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 237px; height: 169px;" src="http://www.digitalcinemareport.com/images/images_issue72/narniaded5_275.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a> dont pay attention.) I believed I am the son of light and will vanquish the demons if and when we face them (But how can Satan be son of light, murmurs the Quarterback). I devised strategy, schemed, manuvered even manipulated. But to no extent, a greater evil than any of us can ever be rule on this earth. And she stands there in all her majesty and all we can do is but bow and accept our fate.<br /><br /><br />"So bow you fool" I shouted at my quarterback while thinking of kneeling. No reply came, and I look around and he is nowhere to be seen! I look up and see the soul less bastard at the helm of a flying chariot, lashing with a whip at dark horses. I had to strain to notice him, for sitting in the back in all her majesty was the Queen herself- The Supreme Evil!Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-69950170735273215852007-11-03T16:15:00.000-07:002010-02-23T10:16:23.647-08:00Fucked Up?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://webs.wichita.edu/depttools/depttoolsmemberfiles/mark2/Love.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://webs.wichita.edu/depttools/depttoolsmemberfiles/mark2/Love.gif" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Controversial title? Well I don’t give a damn.</span> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br />Hostel life is much talked about, much idolized. People always tell you that they had some of their best times in hostel, or they learnt so much in the hostel. But for me, its been a wonderful epiphany to the slime we call the world.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>This post is meant to be on love, so why in the hell am I talking about hostel life? Is it because the long tired hours that gave me an answer? Partly yes, but mainly because I have sampled so much, there is simply too much here for Void the cynic. I have refrained from using hostel life for posts simply because of the fact the identity of people involved matter a lot to me, and I have no wish to divulge them. I have inspected, permuted and combined but still I couldn’t find a way to keep their identities secret, because to any person of my hostel, each and every example will be painfully obvious. I just hope they stay on the strategy of ignoring this webpage or if they do venture across, for once don’t spread the word around. So lets get this post started.<br /><o:p><br /></o:p>Earlier, I never could have looked a person in their eyes and just simply lie. Hostel life taught me that. It also gave me time, the best thing that came out of getting stuck in this hell-hole and not having friends. You know up until a year ago, my friends were everything to me, then I let go. And things have changed, and suddenly the burden of feelings have lifted off my shoulders, I can be selfish, even rude if need be. And it doesn’t bother me, staying alone, sitting in front of the computer for so damn long that my eyes hurt, the head spin, and doing nothing but inspecting, everything. Just waiting and watching. And I learnt a lot, I needed the break that my third and (especially) the fourth semester provided me. It just slowed down things enough so I can relax and realize that I am going downwards and I must climb back. I also realized that the cynicism is drowning the hope inside of me. That good feeling that I am gonna be something great someday. And it happened. I found Q4R… I have started the climb back… </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Hostel Life also gave me the treasure of e-books and movies. I happened to watch A Walk to Remember the other night, and darn, the movie is beautiful. And somehow somewhere I connected with it. For whatever reason as there maybe I understood much that was alien to me in a week since then, part of the reason why I have been idle. Anyway, coming back to the point…</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“<i style="">Love is like the wind, I cant see it but I can feel it.”<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><o:p> </o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal">And the thing that I have been pondering about was love and soul mates, and existence of destiny. Is there really one perfect person for all of us? Are we all supposed to fall in love? Some vague memories come back to me of a piece that I have written about love, exactly where, I don’t remember but the essence was that to be able to fall in love you have to be a perfect 100, or perhaps, 90 and you make a hundred when you fall in love. 100 is not an age, but representative factor of state of perfection. Not everybody is there but everyone can get there. But you argue that people fall in love right and left, of course they do! You see that’s the point, the Romance, the passion dies… always. And hopefully what you are left with is trust and understanding. If you make it, you are perhaps 5% of the whole population, even lesser. I am willing to bet that more than 50% of couples either end up divorced, legally or otherwise. If you get the drift of what I mean….</p> <p class="MsoNormal">A fourteen year old girl once said to me that I want to be married, and be in love till the end of my days, and not like my parents who sleep on the same bed but the love is lost. Or roughly that… I may have taken out a few suggestive phrases.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I believe the number to be at least 80%, but I have nothing to back me, no data. You live in a hostel and you look at the relationships around you. And there are weird facts. Like this couple, they are ethnically, culturally identical. I heard that sometime back when they were not a couple, both of them had categorically stated the other to be brother or sister as implied. On different occasions, yes, but stated as a fact. And yet around four months later they are consummating, in the literal sense!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then there is this another couple, from what I know, they got together, then broke up, then I saw the guy assuring the girl that her back paper will be cleared, and darn it was cleared in revaluation! Amazing luck or money power? Either way they are back together. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">(Note: Back papers can be cleared in our university, upon payment of certain amount of money through right channels)</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then there is the act of persuasion. From what I heard, some guys chased the girls. They were always there, trying to impress until the girls gave in. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then there is this couple and for some reason it is the most talked about couple of the college, recently I had the opportunity to observe them closely. I can tell you this, they might have something deeper than most others, but the guy is definitely a fiend. But there is a lot of passion there… there is lot I must leave unsaid here, so you should really discard this one.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then there is this guy, who speaks frankly. I spend money on her so that I can have sex with her. Awesome, if you ask me. <span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then there is this couple, and they are really weird, both of them. The guy basically thinks that he is actually better than his girlfriend, looks-wise, and he could have gotten better deal. The girl says that there is no way that I will end up with this guy because my parents wont let me, I wont even ask them. They both claim to love the other one.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">These are just a few lines; trust me to know more than that including some unmentionables. About them and others, and I have really inspected the dark side of the moon, rather closely. And I know that it really comes down to whether or not you want to go through with it or not. Out of the twenty odd relationships that I have seen, I don’t expect many to survive. And the ones that did, or will do wont be based on the love but others mitigating factors like for instance job. Girl gets in with Infosys, guy doesn’t get a job, they are over. Not exactly those facts, but you know what I mean. They will have to be equals, and its not just about the jobs. Equals as in how you see it, like imagine your better half and imagine it being part of your family, then imagine being part of his/her family, even if one of the two pictures is distorted, it wont fit. It also depends on the person, like me for instance, there is this need to bail out, get out of a relationship. To breathe free… The romance dies, but hopefully what you are left with is trust and understanding… and the romantic love that you dream of don’t really exist except perhaps in your imagination or for those 100 mark people. There is no happily ever after but a life, a real life, and a bytch of a life at that. And the best you can hope for is not the perfect 100, but for a someone who will be there, and someone for whom you will be there. As far as I am concerned, my heart is blocked, with an iceberg, I wont fall in love till I am sure that I can really prioritize the one girl…</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p>Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983662773401615983.post-24995710118573984622007-10-20T04:18:00.000-07:002007-10-20T05:02:51.649-07:00Long Due..So I have been slacking in blogging, but so what? I mean come on, its only the side product of being busy, what with my two wives... Sandhya and Q4R.<br /><br />Sandhya, or Sandy (since we have gotten so cozy close) is an absolute bytch, I mean what is with being there over my head all the time. Cant you just cut me some slack, but then I love her to death and thats again a side product of love. Busy...<br /><br />And then Q4R which is an even bigger one if that is at all possible, so I am doing double shift. Days to Q4R and nights to Sandy. And you ask what happened to that simpleton I am legally married to? Of course you wont remember that I hate her. She is absolutely no use, but a man must do what he has to do, so my legal wife, is on a vaccation or rather that I am on a vaccation from her. But by God if ever there were a vaccation like this with swift dwindling accounts and high rising blood pressure, zero phone balance and emptiness it will sell out faster than sweets on Diwali eve. Alas you have to be The Void to have that....<br /><br />And between the three wives I am torn and busy... but my legal wife is tolerant of Q4R and is ignorant of Sandy, Q4R knows the legal complexities coming with having a legal wife, so she is tolerant of her but is again ignorant of Sandy. Sandy is the absolute bytch, she knows nothing, hears nothing and demands everything. No wonder I love her the most. And it is not just Sandy, but the sidekicks that come with her, I love them too. And in this disaster of polygamy my friends have grown sarcastic and family well... its better not to involve family in the blogs!! It only results in chaos.<br /><br />So here you are, the reason of my messed up life. Is all good in the hood. You see friendship is tricky but romance is downright evil. It gnaws and sucks on you till nothing is left of you but a shadow, or an empty space-The Void. But here is a thought thats been in my mind for sometime now, and the root of all troubles as I can see<br /><br />"A friend to all is a friend to none."<br /><br />In what context I say this will take another lengthy bitching post, and I have realized that one of my many possible downfalls can be the bitching, so I am taking a break from bitching, and thats enough bitching, so I wil quit bitching, and leave. Ciao!!Voidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06506910105569747905noreply@blogger.com1