My Two Steps to Understanding

I was pissed, then I begin thinking.
I understood the first step and I was still pissed.
I kept thinking
I understood the second step and I was no longer pissed.
I stopped thinking and went to bed.

That is how last three days have been. I have introspected, blamed myself for things that werent my fault. Gotten mad, lost control of self. But I finally figured it out.

There are very few things like morphine in this world. Nothing gives as much kick as a single shot of morphine in your spine. But there is something quite close, somebody coming up to you and saying in a very even tone they hate you, hate you double, loathe you.

The thing that really bothered me was it shouldnt be bothering me, if you know what I mean. Never has anybody gotten so much inside my head than that girl... ugh! But what happens, happens. Not much we can do about it. What we can do instead is figure out they why and take precautions that situation like that dont repeat. Not "the someone saying I hate you" part, but "the bothering" part!

I always quite knew I am not the most popular guy around, people hate me and I am fine with it.
Not much we can do about others. What ticked me off was when the blame games started. I got blamed for things I didnt do and for things I did opposite of. I am not saying I was all right, I too did some bad things, but well... I did what I had to do, to keep the Q4R going. And another thing that upset me was the fact, throughout the year I took so much shit for supporting these people, and at the end of it they dont appreciate it. Sometimes, I wonder why the hell I bothered.

But then, I am happy. I gave people a chance. I tried to make something happen, and maybe it didnt turn out the way some people thought, but it still was something amazing. That was the second step of understanding. She isnt mad at me, but herself. Everybody lost a lot during Q4R, but we all gained. There was not a single person who went to Japan as part of TIRC who didnt become a better/improved/well-rounded (take ur pick) person due to this project. Some of us even believe we took the transition from boys to men in this phase. But there was one person who didnt learn anything. One who lost on other fronts and gained nothing from the project. One person who let that opportunity slip right through her hands. She is mad because she knew she blowed a chance. By blaming it on me, she is seeking redemption of some sorts. It is the defense mechanism at work.

So what do I do? I stand by and watch... I dont interfere. Let her figure out these things on herself, if she does it will hurt but she will take step closer to development. If she doesnt.. well shortcuts also work! At this point I have decided to renew my theory of minimal human interaction. It was a bitter pill I got and I dont want another taste of it anytime soon.

Until laters!

Love
Void!