The One

I mean, what a topic to write about. So this pseudo friend I have, insists that I write about her. She is really hard to say no to, you know. Simply because she wont shut up unless and until you listen to her. Forget what you want to do, or what the consequences might be, but you have to do what she tells you to do.

Of course, its not only me. She would tell anyone and everyone, to do what she wants them to do. And poor bastards (and bitches) follow her command too. But then again, she would shout and scream and possibly throw stuff at you if you refuse. I say possibly because, lately my interactions with her have been over the phone or the Internet and I don't know if you know this but it is damn difficult to throw stuff at someone over the phone. And poor bastards (and bitches) take on the devious tasks she allots them and fulfills her command to the extreme. And then there are the consequences.

Its like when you keep drinking those intoxicating shots off the stripper's belly, and you know you should stop but you don't simply because its too much fun. Then there is the morning after. The throwing up and the hangover, the bright lights and the loud noises. And she swears never again, but what do you know. By the end of the day she is at it again, and you end up drinking shots off the poor stripper's belly once again.

Every once in a while, there is a brave man (or stupid fuck). This brave man (or stupid fuck), hates all forms of life (especially mine) and goes on to ignore her commands. This ends up in a war, an all out epic right out of the sets of Pearl Harbor. Wait, make that Lord of the Rings. I mean those black flying thingys (Nazguls to the literates amongst you) made a noise quite similar to her. And off she goes striking down anything and everything in her path. It actually makes me glad that Vishwamitra and all those other saints with the power to bestow curses are long gone or were mythical. I mean if they were real and alive, she would have bullied them into cursing entire humanity (Men only, women will be spared) into some sort of a fire wheel, where you keep running and running with your ass on fire for an eternity. I assure you, she would have done it.

And of course, in absence of these blessed saints, I am the one left to explain the subtle intricacies of humanity to her. And I tell her, life sometimes is very unfair and you should calm down every now and then or blow an artery ( I actually secretly hope that would happen. It would make my life so much easier). But of course, the things I want never happen, so she rambles on while I wonder what the fuck, all this bullshit and all she wanted was a "diet soda".

(Dedicated to a pseudo sister :P)