Haunted Musings

Once upon a time, I used to write a lot. Some of it, even good. I love this story, and it is one of the best I have ever done. To think I was only 18, when I wrote this :P

Haunted Musings.

Dear Father,

It has been twelve years since I abandoned the foundation of trust to walk into an abyss. An abyss that I am getting sucked into, deeper with every passing minute. Today, I write not because I seek my home back, I am writing to confide in you. I have to let somebody know.

Something inside me has always prevented me from getting too attached to a soul, from getting too close. Hardly a week ago I met Gia. And the moment I saw her laughing, I felt her touch, everything changed. The times she kissed me, the times she ran to hug me, the times I listened to her talk, completely oblivious to the harm I was exposing her to, those are the moments I want to spend a lifetime in. When she fell asleep in my arms, clutching on for dear life, I never wanted to let go. Her innocence was her brilliance. When she was close to me all I wanted to do was provide every thing she will ever need. It seemed as if my life was divided in two parts, one before Gia and one after, an eternity separating them. I realized what a difference she made to my pathetic life. It is amazing how someone can affect you so. She made me smile, something I had long forgotten. I realized what I needed was a family that I could call mine. I realized I needed a Gia.

I knew within days I will have to let her go for something I had run after all my life and yet something that had failed to provide me any happiness that I seek so desperately. I was culprit of keeping a young child estranged from her mother. I was guilty of keeping a child prisoner for the triviality called money. And as I was collecting my thoughts, the message came through. The parents had succumbed to all the demands. I was not surprised, I would have happily paid everything I had to keep her with me. Those were not the terms and I knew it. With a fist clenching my heart I still promised myself I will make sure I return a smiling child. That was not to be, those cops, those bastards… I can still remember the shock in her eyes, seeing me pull out a gun, the love replaced by fear. I can still remember the stray bullet, the scream, and the blood trickling down her brow… and the whole world went still. I know these are the thoughts I will take to my grave. How do you apologize for something like that? How do you make up for such a loss? Those fallen cops don’t mean a thing. I owe somebody their child. I owe somebody their Gia. I owe a six-year-old girl her life. She is dead because I didn’t care enough. Dad, I killed her. And no matter how hard I try I can’t make these tears stop to the point where I am hoping to god - please let me run out of tears. I can’t live through this. I wont. I will rather burn in hell than stay here burning inside everyday with guilt. By the time you read this I will be long gone from the face of this good earth. Father, I had to let somebody know…

A son who couldn’t be yours,

Adam Mark Aslegar

Mark Aslegar folded the piece of deteriorating letter as he wiped a tear from his eyes, having read it every single day for the past six years.