Wanderings of a Spotless Mind

The One

2011-12-08T02:25:00.000-08:00

I mean, what a topic to write about. So this pseudo friend I have, insists that I write about her. She is really hard to say no to, you know. Simply because she wont shut up unless and until you listen to her. Forget what you want to do, or what the consequences might be, but you have to do what she tells you to do.

Of course, its not only me. She would tell anyone and everyone, to do what she wants them to do. And poor bastards (and bitches) follow her command too. But then again, she would shout and scream and possibly throw stuff at you if you refuse. I say possibly because, lately my interactions with her have been over the phone or the Internet and I don't know if you know this but it is damn difficult to throw stuff at someone over the phone. And poor bastards (and bitches) take on the devious tasks she allots them and fulfills her command to the extreme. And then there are the consequences.

Its like when you keep drinking those intoxicating shots off the stripper's belly, and you know you should stop but you don't simply because its too much fun. Then there is the morning after. The throwing up and the hangover, the bright lights and the loud noises. And she swears never again, but what do you know. By the end of the day she is at it again, and you end up drinking shots off the poor stripper's belly once again.

Every once in a while, there is a brave man (or stupid fuck). This brave man (or stupid fuck), hates all forms of life (especially mine) and goes on to ignore her commands. This ends up in a war, an all out epic right out of the sets of Pearl Harbor. Wait, make that Lord of the Rings. I mean those black flying thingys (Nazguls to the literates amongst you) made a noise quite similar to her. And off she goes striking down anything and everything in her path. It actually makes me glad that Vishwamitra and all those other saints with the power to bestow curses are long gone or were mythical. I mean if they were real and alive, she would have bullied them into cursing entire humanity (Men only, women will be spared) into some sort of a fire wheel, where you keep running and running with your ass on fire for an eternity. I assure you, she would have done it.

And of course, in absence of these blessed saints, I am the one left to explain the subtle intricacies of humanity to her. And I tell her, life sometimes is very unfair and you should calm down every now and then or blow an artery ( I actually secretly hope that would happen. It would make my life so much easier). But of course, the things I want never happen, so she rambles on while I wonder what the fuck, all this bullshit and all she wanted was a "diet soda".

(Dedicated to a pseudo sister :P)

Conformity

2010-07-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

I knew a twenty one year old girl who had leukemia, who threw anything she could lay her hands on, screamed hell but was also intelligent and in a weird way, with bones sticking out of her, and going completely bald, was still very beautiful.

I knew a seventy year old couple, fourty five years married and still in love.

I knew a brilliant guy, the ninety eight percent one, who threw away his life in alcohol and drugs.

I knew a guy, who supplied illegal firearms, uncrowned king of a small town underworld, who called me brother.

I knew people who had more shit surrounding them than the sewage line of Mumbai, and still came out smelling of roses.

I knew a psychology student who used to think I was Freud reincarnated.

I knew a girl, who made an ISD call to her ex to ask him to never speak to her again.

I knew a friend, who would only see good in people.

I knew a woman, who would criticise her best friends continuously to each other and still had more than her share of friends.

I knew a guy once, who believed in supernatural and claimed experiences continuously.

I knew a guy once who would cut off his arm and give it to anybody he has met twice.

I knew a girl once, who would never be satisfied no matter how much people did for her.

I knew a girl once, who was breathtaking gorgeous, intelligent like anything, and yet with a heart of gold.

I knew a girl who was 21 and a mother of a year and half old child.

I knew a guy once, who would jump off any cliff, claiming you will never know until you try.

Yes, I knew all of them...

I talk often enough about conformity. I talk about chances, I talk about fear, and I talk about hope. But today is different. Today I will make a request.

The reason I wrote a line about all these people was because there are a million ways to live your life. There are million ways to react to a particular situations. There are million ways of judging right from wrong. There are a million ways to win, another million to loose.

But the one thing anyone (except of course the authors of self help books) will admit, they have no fucking clue as to the winning certainty of a way in a situation. You can always see the best course of action in retrospect, but knowing it as you confront the situation is not quite possible.

The point I am trying to make is, when we dont know, why do we interfere and advise. Why do we force our friends and family in conformity? Why cant we just let them live out their life in their own way. Everyone needs a bit of support. More so, when they go on and try new things, march in to unchartered territories. Why do we stop them. Why not, whisper a word of encouragement. Why not put our trust in them.

Why else do you think we have so many arguments with our parents?

Sometimes or rather always, you must let people do things their own way. And not, unwillingly or because it leads to an argument. You understand them. You put yourself in their shoes, and be there for them. Not show resentment towards not following your advise. And should they fail, for whatever reason, be there. Support them, without saying "told you so".

A world where everybody does it the same way is a boring world. A world where you dont understand your friends and family, is a sad world. And there is no solution, but understanding.

The world is interesting. From the things to see, things you hear, things you smell, things you feel and of course the people you meet. The chief reason behind it, as I see it, is the variety you get, from ugly to beautiful. Some that makes sense to some that dont. Some that is fair, some that is unfair. Some natural, some artificial. But it is all there. And that is what makes world interesting.

So, I humbly rquest you, please dont ruin it...

As always, with love I remain,

Yours Truly
Void

2009 Never Came

2010-07-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

2008 was the best year of my life. I remember writing about it. Check it out here before you contine to read this.

We worked hard, achieved a lot. Eyes that were full of dreams, as the year begun, saw the detination approach closer. By the end of the year, I was almost certain we had made it. I could sense it, feel it. I was sure it will appear any minute now, just waiting for the year to come.

"A lot has been achieved in 2008, the year that was the high waters of a truly entertaining voyage. 2009 is the year we reap the awards, reach the destination."

But 2009 never came. Its eighteen months since I wrote that. I am eighteen months older, eighteen months more of a cynic, but the destination is nowhere on the horizon. The scent, the feel, the hope, all vanished overnight, going up in a puff of smoke. I am lost. In fact, so much so, I am no longer even sure where the destination is.

But in the end, the golden rule always works. Keep your expectations to a minimum, and hope to a maximum. I guess in a way, the only difference between 2008 and 2010 is, I am not enjoying life anymore... Hopw you fare well.

Luv & Luck
Void

Dance Like No One is Watching

2010-05-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth.

If you pause to consider, it is probably the best advise anyone can dispense you, that you are very unlikely to heed. It is also a beautiful thought and it happens to be a Mark Twain quote, which suddenly makes me crave for a Tom Sawyer adventure.

If you ever have a crappy day, you can usually rely on three things to cheer you up. Chocolates (or in general a good meal), alcohol and if there is still some room left, a heart to heart conversation with someone who understands. But then there are days when you get all three of these and still feel depressed/lonely/sad (take your pick) as you climb in bed. Then there is the hidden fourth.

All you have to do is cry... and you will feel better. (Just Kidding)

The hidden fourth is a brilliant song, or better still, a collection of songs, an empty terrace/balcony/room/any-secluded-place-in-general, and two feet that can move. :) The only thing better than dancing like no one is watching, is dancing when there is actually no one watching you. :P

Just, put on some music on a radio, i pod, a complicated woofer system, or whatever you can lay your hands on, just find something and sway to its beats. Dance awkwardly, slowly, steadily. Sing along with the song, shout if the situation demands it. But sing, and dance. And as you sing, and as you dance, the second part of the quote will materialize in you. Your troubles will recede, at least for the time being, your head will be lighter, your heartache will take a breather, and you will be able to sleep. Hopefully.

As always, hope must drive you.

Fare you well, comrade.

Luv and Luck
Void

Description of SAIL MANAGEMENT TRAINEE (Tech) [Uncensored Version]

2010-05-20T12:16:00.000-07:00

Very few things in this world gives as much satisfaction as poking fun at your job description.

A sub-specie of Homo sapiens; predominantly male, however, a few females (although ugly) are spotted every now and then and are usually surrounded by a crowd of males. There are no stable indicators of its appearance, since they come in all colours, shapes and sizes, but an average male is 5' 8" in height and an average female is 5' 0" in height.

Being a largely cold-blooded mammal, it does not venture outside in the heat of the day and remains lying on beds in air conditioned common rooms of places having Steel in their name (Eg. Steel House). It can also be found in any place that sells tea in a glass and cigarettes or well, most types of alcohol. These places constitute its summer habitat, which, if destroyed, will make it extremely difficult for them to survive the summer. In face of such a threat of extinction, The SAIL Management Trainees, migrate, in large numbers to other habitats, which maybe corporates or other PSU's, where AC rooms, tea stalls and alcohol are rampant.

Close examination reveals that A SAIL Management Trainee delights itself in singing songs, poking fun at others of its species, criticizing SAIL management, and plotting ways to change their species (the success rate is limited, but in another iteration of evolution, biologists believe, the success rate may increase by 5%).

Male SAIL Management Trainee is highly sought after mate for homo sapiens (because they are obscenely prosperous) residing in most regions of India. Mating commonly happens through parental arrangements and consents, followed by celebrated rituals (more commonly known as arranged marriage) and may involve some sort of dowry. It is although not uncommon for both male and female management trainees to enter into pre mating with partners without parental consent. Although, here their choice of a mate is very limited, and it is not uncommon for a management trainee to have a mate in a far away city (more commonly known as long distance relationships).

All current and future engineers, desirous of joining this specie are strongly advised against it.

P.S. I hope it makes a good read. I do not take credit for writing this post. The credit of turning a one liner joke into a full blown article belongs to my besty, Prachi. Let this be first of many things, that we write together... Cheerios!

Stupid Effing Conspiring Universe

2010-03-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

"All things are one. And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it."
From the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

The Alchemist, on the whole is a truly remarkable book. I read it when I was in school, and I swear I slept with it under my pillow for many nights. My best friend from school, still calls me up every time he thinks of the alchemist. If you are yet to read The Alchemist, and dont want the story ruined for you, please leave now, and return when you finish.

The Alchemist is about this boy Santiago who dreams of a treasure, makes his way from Spain to the pyramids in Egypt on the way falling in love and claiming his treasure and how the universe conspires to help him achieve it. I still think chasing treasure is a bad metaphor for chasing your dreams. I mean, would you really leave the love of your life for some treasure that may or may not exist?

The universe do conspire, as I keep finding out over and over much to my annoyance, but for what, that is the mystery. May be, Coelho has got it right, it conspires for you to achieve whatever you may want, but the problem with living in the modern world is nobody has any clue what they want. And the stupid effing conspiring universe is, -er- well, stupid. It apparently cant differentiate between the people who want something and people who are just confused. Or maybe, the confused people have screwed up the calculations. Or two people want the same thing. Or maybe, we are just part of a cosmic joke.

(I cant help but remember, Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy, book 4... the creator had this message for beings of this universe "Sorry for the inconvenience" )

To tell you the truth I have no clue how this universe works. Nobody does. But by the time I started college, I had figured out one thing about dreams or the things you want. They are one and the same. You cant dream your way out of reality. You cant wish your dreams into coming true. You cant be unprepared for your dreams to shatter like glass. If you have a dream, the universe may conspire and help you achieve it. Or the universe may conspire to throw a rock at your dreams, so they shatter before you get a chance to chase them. One way or the other, you cant predict it. And no, calling it stupid and effing doesn't help.

But here is the important thing. There are close to 7 billion people in this world. The universe apparently cant conspire for everyone at once. It ignores you more than it conspires for or against you. There is only one way to make your dreams come true. You fight for them. You wake up every morning, and you go to work to make your dreams come true. You dont complain or drown in self pity, but you pick up your hammer and start fixing what you want, starting from breakfast. And yes, you can fix your breakfast with a hammer (think seafood).

Yes, The Alchemist is a truly remarkable book. But it is a book, and that is the problem. If the packs of cigarettes should contain statutory warnings, the same should be applied to these books. Like I said, it is a truly remarkable book.

Happyness, or the pursuit that of

2010-03-17T12:55:00.001-07:00

Life is not easy. A simple thing to say, simpler to accept. Yes you nod your head, and pass the sympathetic smiles like you do at times when you hear about death in a friend's family. But do you actually understand the pain at that moment? And likewise you don't, unless you pause and take a moment to consider life is not easy.

Many things in life are overrated, and you can go on about arguing what is and what is not. But the sad thing is, like you agree life is not easy but don't really understand the fact unless you stop to consider, there is only one thing in life that sure as hell is not overrated. It is happyness (spelt with a y in dedication to the awesome movie pursuit of happyness). I say sadly, because even though you agree, odds are you are still not doing anything about it. How many things we chase since childhood, beginning from toys, sweets and balloonds, affection, honor, respect, girls/guys, marks, booze, partying, career, money and the list goes on. But when do we pursue happyness, if we do at all.

Remember your first paycheck, and your happiness, did the subsequent ones brought anything more than relief at getting paid? Does your bank balance bring a smile to your face. When you were alone did your toys brought you comfort in your childhood, let alone happiness? Think of all the this on that list, or better still make your own list, and really think how much happiness did the things you chased madly brought you. If you are lucky, you will find the one thing that will be like a talisman in your heart, keeping you warm and happy in knowledge of its existence. If you don't, just think I am barking mad, and discard these silly mumblings of a pathetic poor idiot.

Amen to your happyness (or the pursuit that of).

As always, with love I remain

Yours Truly,
Void

More from the Past

2010-03-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

September 12, 2007

"I have a dream, a dream in which I see the time and hours I gave. I feel the tiredness in my limbs, I feel my eyes burning because I haven’t slept in so long. But I see a successful me, a better person."
--- From my early notes about Q4R

I cant believe I predicted the effect of Q4R this accurately almost a year in advance. To Q4R! Here is a toast to the dead already and a hurrah for the next to die.

October 1, 2007

Every step I take!

Every step that I take
Leads me to a road unseen,
I follow it in my heart’s wake
Full of pits and false stones,
I follow it in my heart’s wake.

The road beckons to me,
Whispering words of promise,
And feigning glimpse of the key,
To what it is that my heart seek.

And I knew that even before,
I set my foot on this treacherous path,
It is as they say in lores of yore,
My soul shall walk this path.

It is not the dangers I must face
That makes my stout heart shrink,
But the ghosts of past I must chase
So I can crawl, walk or run the road.

And in the deepest core of my heart,
Where no shadows ever fall,
For the light no darkness can part,
I wish, dream and hope.

I hope not for the quest,
To go well, undoubtedly as it shall.
But for courage so I can jest,
At every demon that dare.

I dream not of a better day,
For a better day shall surely come.
But for tiring limbs so I can say,
My sleepless night were not in vain.

I wish not for easy roads,
For toiling hard makes roads easy.
But for friends to share my loads,
So I can laugh, sing and be free.

I care not whiter to the road leads,
Colorful success or blinding pain,
Either way it’s a dream that feeds,
My heart and soul, while my body moves on.

Luv and Luck
Void

20 reasons not to fall in love!

2010-02-21T16:39:00.001-08:00

Yay baby, the nasty post is back.

As I find myself tethering on the edge of a failed romance, I am thinking what the hell. So without preamble, lets have it...

(In a perfectly random order)

* There are a lot of flavors of ice cream out there. There is chocolate chip, there is vanilla, butter scotch, strawberry. Why would you wanna get stuck with one, so like Joey said in Friends Pilot episode, "Grab a spoon!".

* Ever heard of Amsterdam? If you fall in love, you can still probably make it to Amsterdam, to be able to enjoy the things that are legal there is a totally different issue.

* Love is a figment of your imagination.

* Think of all the women with loose morals! What will happen to them if guys like us keep falling in love. How will they survive! Its time you gave your humanitarian side a chance you know.

* Think of all the beers you wont be able to drink! (I am only at my best with 3 beers inside of me and more on the way!)

* As one of my best friends continuously reminds me, love is like a can of shaked up soda, just waiting to explode. In case it does explode, you wouldnt want to be in the way, would you?

* Freeeeeeeeeddddddddddddoooooooooooooooooooom!!! I cant stress this enough! (literally!) Why would you want to put limitations on yourself!

* The chief idea of falling in love is to help a person grow up. I strongly object to all forms of growing up! Trust me growing up is no fun!

* The "plus 1" factor. You are never alone! Its like a blood sucking leech is attached to you all the time, feeding on you continuously.

* Timing! What if you fall in love too early? Your life is ruined man! Think of all the places you wont be able to go, all the trips you wont be able to take! You may even end up getting married. What a perfectly horrendous idea. **shudders**

* The conspiracy theory. Love is just a conspiracy spread by girls and sponsored by corporates, to twist the poor guys' heads into a mess so they no longer can differentiate right from wrong. It is a whole process of training the guys to be good husbands! You will know what I mean if you have ever trained a dog and been in a relationship, the principles involved are pretty much the same.

* Vegas!! How can anybody think being in love is cooler than having a crazy no holds barred night in Vegas!

* A great man had this to say about women,

"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?""
--Sigmund Freud

If the father of psychology cant answer that, what chance do you reckon you have?

* Think about this. Do you want to fall from a 10th floor of a building?
Forget the 10th floor. Imagine this. You are sitting on your living room couch. Do you want to fall down from that? Then why the hell would anybody want to fall in love is beyond me!

* People are pretty stupid as it is. Love just gives them a perfect reason to justify their stupidity! You know if I become president (a dear ambition of mine) some day, I will outlaw stupidity.

* The sparkling dream! You lose touch with reality, and start chasing something that doesnt probably exist. You become oblivious to so much, everything appears so rosy and wonderful that by the time you wake up you are in one huge pile of manure.

* Failure to accept reality is another side product of being in love. You are unable to accept the fact that your loved one may not be so perfect after all. Many people do, use and throw you know. No way to know for certain, why take the risk.

* Think of all the new girls turning 18 every day!

* Imagine this, you are driving 80 kmph on a highway. There is an intersection coming up, now if you are lost in the cuckooland, you wont slow down. If there is a truck coming up at right angles to you at the intersection, wham!
This is what happens in love, 90% of the time with consequences which I assure you are only more dangerous. Symptoms include loss of vision and purpose, temporary insanity etc.

* The top reason --- Potential Heartbreak.

I hope you enjoyed it, I will be back with more soon. Keep watching this space. The dedication for this post goes to the unparalleled genius of the truly awesome, Mr. Void.

(Yes, I am dedicating this to myself, you got a problem with that?)

Oh and on a totally unrelated issue, I declare opening of a complaint hotline. If you have a problem/disagreement with anything I write, please write it down on an A4 paper, fold it down, put it in an envelop. Write the topic to the envelop, address it to Complaints, Void Incorporated. Go to your pooper, and flush it down. I promise to ignore every flushed complaint.

I on behalf of Void Incorporated, wish you all a very pleasant day.

Haunted Musings

2010-02-13T11:44:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, I used to write a lot. Some of it, even good. I love this story, and it is one of the best I have ever done. To think I was only 18, when I wrote this :P

Haunted Musings.

Dear Father,

It has been twelve years since I abandoned the foundation of trust to walk into an abyss. An abyss that I am getting sucked into, deeper with every passing minute. Today, I write not because I seek my home back, I am writing to confide in you. I have to let somebody know.

Something inside me has always prevented me from getting too attached to a soul, from getting too close. Hardly a week ago I met Gia. And the moment I saw her laughing, I felt her touch, everything changed. The times she kissed me, the times she ran to hug me, the times I listened to her talk, completely oblivious to the harm I was exposing her to, those are the moments I want to spend a lifetime in. When she fell asleep in my arms, clutching on for dear life, I never wanted to let go. Her innocence was her brilliance. When she was close to me all I wanted to do was provide every thing she will ever need. It seemed as if my life was divided in two parts, one before Gia and one after, an eternity separating them. I realized what a difference she made to my pathetic life. It is amazing how someone can affect you so. She made me smile, something I had long forgotten. I realized what I needed was a family that I could call mine. I realized I needed a Gia.

I knew within days I will have to let her go for something I had run after all my life and yet something that had failed to provide me any happiness that I seek so desperately. I was culprit of keeping a young child estranged from her mother. I was guilty of keeping a child prisoner for the triviality called money. And as I was collecting my thoughts, the message came through. The parents had succumbed to all the demands. I was not surprised, I would have happily paid everything I had to keep her with me. Those were not the terms and I knew it. With a fist clenching my heart I still promised myself I will make sure I return a smiling child. That was not to be, those cops, those bastards… I can still remember the shock in her eyes, seeing me pull out a gun, the love replaced by fear. I can still remember the stray bullet, the scream, and the blood trickling down her brow… and the whole world went still. I know these are the thoughts I will take to my grave. How do you apologize for something like that? How do you make up for such a loss? Those fallen cops don’t mean a thing. I owe somebody their child. I owe somebody their Gia. I owe a six-year-old girl her life. She is dead because I didn’t care enough. Dad, I killed her. And no matter how hard I try I can’t make these tears stop to the point where I am hoping to god - please let me run out of tears. I can’t live through this. I wont. I will rather burn in hell than stay here burning inside everyday with guilt. By the time you read this I will be long gone from the face of this good earth. Father, I had to let somebody know…

A son who couldn’t be yours,

Adam Mark Aslegar

Mark Aslegar folded the piece of deteriorating letter as he wiped a tear from his eyes, having read it every single day for the past six years.

Guide to Life!

2010-02-12T17:11:00.000-08:00

Life, if you stop to inspect, is a series of incidents strategically following each other. I say strategically because I am being optimistic. If they are not strategic, they can be just as random as a roll of dice, so I would rather have someone knowing something about what the hell is happening all around us.

The only thing to remember is it is too short.

Dream, because dreams dont cost anything. Dont forget your dreams, never give up on them. On a day, when you are lying in dirt, beaten and bruised, and you can still remember your brightest dream and know its gonna happen, you will be alright. Either that, or well you have completely lost it.

Make friends. That is the only thing you earn in your life. Rest means nothing. Stand by your best friends, mostly. Take that extra drink, spill your guts! literally!

Remember your family. Be nice to your siblings. Forget grudges old and new with your parents. They will be gone before you know it. You will be glad if u do, or well extremely pissed!

Take that chance. If you want something go after it. Dont drift with the flow. If you know what you want, you are one of the few lucky ones. Even if you miss out, it is always better to take that chance! Although missing out can be hazardous to health. And I said take a chance, not roll a dice at some casino!

Travel. Reach out, expand your horizons. Remember the story of the nest bird.

Get drunk every once in a while. It clears your head. It shows you (and others!) what you really want, and what you really think. Do that tequila shot every now and then. (Its a shame nothing much can be done about the others.)

Be logical. Logic drives pretty much everything in this universe. It explains everything and it usually leads to a happy safe life. And it even drives the robots, so there you go!

Fall in love. It is one of the few times in life, where you can bear to be vulnerable. If you ever feel like defying logic, do it for the person you fall in love with. It is an experience you dont want to miss out on. Truly agonizing! :P

The only thing to remember is life is too short, so get busy living!

Yours Truly,
The Void

Blast from the past

2010-02-04T07:04:00.000-08:00

I am sort of lost again. It is surprising how often does that happen! Anyway, I found an old diary of mine, with a lot of stuff I had written, some of it live as it happened. This is bits and pieces from the darkest part of my mind, intensely personal. And therefore it is obvious, why it must be censored!

(Most of the following I wrote when I was passing time on the last bench in a class)

..... I am a horrible student, always been a last bencher unless coerced by forces of evil towards otherwise. And surely you dont expect me to listen....

... You see the things you dream about all of your life and you finally get them, dont always turn out to be the way you intend them to be...

............And I met my treacherous past, there was a lot that was to be said and should have been said and yet I didnt.....

..... There comes a time for everyone when they feel completely, utterly alone. This happens when you are forsaken by your best friends, the people you trust. And first you drift into a sea of nothingness and before you realize it, you get hit by a rock that you didnt knew exist.....

(And a particularly disturbing entry,)

August 29, 2006
Today looks like another long day. It is particularly difficult to spend the whole day surrounded by people and the days..... (unreadable)..... I dont know what the cure is, I am upto my head in crap. (Wonder what triggered this entry)

"The point Arpit, is to remember you must never give up on a friend."(This I believe is the best spur of the moment thing anybody ever said to me, I keep it close to my heart)

You critics or whatever else you may call yourself, are ashamed or frightened of the momentary and transient extravagance which are to be found in all creative minds and whose longer and shorter duration distinguishes thinking artists from the dreamer. You complain of your unfruitfulness because you reject too soon and discriminate too severely.
(A paragraph from a letter some author wrote to his critics, reproduced by Sigmund Freud in his book Dream Interpretation)

My head is on the verge of an explosion. A battle rages inside, a decision made subconsciously conflicts with the desires of the heart. What heart desires is often complex and more often is impragmatic. What heart desires is not always attainable, but the brain impregnated with power to reason and loaded with logic figures out a course of action less prone to failure. But the brain is incapable of power beyond all, a power that is both great and terrible. Dreams. Dreams can wake a man from grave and yet the same can drive him insane. Brain is also without the driving force that makes silver linings in the darkest of clouds. Its called hope. Hope is omnipresent, and its the one thing that nobody can ever take away from you. Courage can fail, hard work comes to naught but hopes and dreams retain the power to vanquish the darkest hour.
( July 13th, 2006, I remember the day, and things werent well when I wrote this. This somehow brought me peace, and has done so many times since.)

........ I just wish I could put all this behind me and close my eyes and fucking go to sleep.....
(A hard bout of insomnia catching up with me)

......... The body is full of hyper energy which is going to waste more than use.......
(One of the days trying to put TIRC together)

.... Its 1.35am and my hair are progressively greying by the thought of the magnitude of this event.....
(from the letter inviting people to join TIRC)

There are times in life when you encounter things beyond your capability. These are perhaps the most testing times anybody can face or the easiest. The difference lies in the attitude, broadly divided into go-getter or happy-go-lucky person. Go getter is the better human being, while the happy-go-lucky person is well, happier. Period!

Maybe passion is overrated maybe because passionate people are the unhappy ones. They chase sparkling dreams, and go after things they believe in, things they love. They are the ones who proudly wear their hearts on their sleeves and are not afraid of getting hurt. But a passionate guy is bound to be miserable as he comes to terms with his own limitations or the cavalier manner of his comrade/colleague/companions. But the passionate people will give you everything they got, till long after they can afford to.............

..... Maybe passion is overrated, but all it requires is two passionate people madly in love with each other to make an exciting life out of nothing............ I may not be much, but sure as hell know that I am passionate!

There unfortunately is no end to this diary, and I believe I will stop now, to be continued on a later date. Till then,

love
Void

The Nasty Post

2009-09-07T13:18:00.000-07:00

As I fight a fresh bout of depression/self-pity, I feel this is no reason to ruin my blog with pathetic and self deprecating mumblings. So I decided to go nasty instead... Welcome to the Nasty Post, and I hereby announce opening of a whole new tag and category-- The Nasty Ones!

I should begin by explaining what I mean by nasty. The first requisite for a post to be categorized as nasty is it should be "dripping" with sarcasm. It is a blatant attack on a system, person, idea, or basically any social crap that we have to put up with. Although not necessary, but I will try to put as much dark (or shallow) humor as possible to make it an excellent read.

To begin with the post..

I have been quoted as saying relationships are important because they help you grow and become a better person. Although I am starting doubt that, cuz walking down that lane again, I only have horrible ideas. But still, lets give being good a chance. There are many things that come as dowry in a relationship, even if it is 5 minutes of making out with a stranger or 10 mins of it, with a dear old friend while you are drunk. Whether its long distance or short, doesnt matter. This dowry is sometimes good, sometimes bad, just like everything in life. So what I will do is, take the 10 best items of the dowry and tell you why its good to be in a relationship. Next time you feel strained by a relationship or feel like dumping your significant other, come back and read this. Not that it will solve any of your problems, but I do hope it will give you one solid laugh.

So in perfectly random order

* You have a standing excuse to bail on stupid/boring plans your friends made or if you have to help them with something that you dont want to do

* Every guy has a feminine side, what better opportunity to do those things that you always wanted to do but cant because they are feminine. Your gf will love you for it.

* Increasing your visibility in the girl sororities

* Now that you are unavailable, it increases your rating with your dreamgirl, the one that you were always afraid to ask out. A recent study showed, people are always interested in what they cant have.

* If you play it cool and well enough, your parents dont bother you as much because they are curious about the long hours you spend talking on the phone, and they start being nice to you.

* It is one up on the brothers without girlfriends, and in those mean circles any sort of advantage is cool.

* Your kid cousins dont try to fix you up with their kid friends.

* My personal favorite: Its nice to have someone who can list all your shortcomings in under a minute, if you ever decide to strive to be a better person.

* It increases your cool quotient. In many circles it is considered lame to be single, and well cool to have a girlfriend. Like disc, for example, many wont let you enter without a female friend.

* And of course, the unmentionables! After all it is one step closer to the booty town thing we talked about earlier. ;)

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I seriously hope certain people will not suddenly find out about the existence of this webspace and log on to it, that can turn awkward. But if they do, let me just say, its all in good fun and nothing personal.

As always, with love

Yours Truly
Void

An Iota of Inspiration

2009-08-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

Last time I started writing, I wanted to write something that would inspire me and get my deepest thoughts out. Instead I ended up bitching about a failed romance. I hope to go better this time.

It has been a rough couple of months for yours truly, the Void. I have lost so much, seen so much come to naught, that I am beginning to doubt myself. Well actually, I started doubting myself, a long time ago, right now I am starting to give up on myself. Everywhere things are like coming to no conclusion, and as much as I am trying to move forward I cant. Its the deep alley I described two years ago, I am back there again. (Click here to read that post)

And real life and dreams are colliding, big time. I keep trying to assure myself its going to be ok, and trying to keep positive, and not get frustrated by it, but it aint happening. I am cold, and as much as I hate to admit this, I am rattled.

"A decison that went wrong in the past, misfortune and misery piled up and one strike and crash..."

But, shit happens all the time. And you have to look above all of that, and be good. I always say, Failure is when your best wasnt good enough, but what does a failure mean? Does it mean your life is over? Or that none of your dreams will ever come true? Some failures are more obvious, like failing a test, now u can always reappear in that test, so not such a big deal. Unfortunately, not all failures are that simple.

But you know, I am disappointed too. Because, I did put in an effort towards everything, I have worked hard for four years, and I expected some rewards right about now. I am just trying to convince myself, that I dont deserve anything, but I cant make myself believe it. Simply because I have put in too much fucking effort, to see it come to naught. Its all so screwed up that I am left wondering where would I be right now, if I had slacked off like many of my friends. Down a sewer maybe?

And maybe I have some other purpose, maybe I am meant to do something else. But most likely, my dues aint paid yet. It looks like, I still have some battles to fight before I can get my life back on track. I am prepared to start at the bottom again, and I am excited about it too. I know I will make something out of it. Right now, hope has really deserted me and there is no light coming in from anywhere, but well, things will change. They have to, I wont give up. After twenty two years of fighting life trying to screw me (at least last 10 years of it), I can easily take a few more years. No problems. I will fight back, its like that U2 song, "There is nothing you can throw at me, that I havent already had(heard)". I may be down, but I am not out. Noway!

Farewell, Baba... May the stars watch over you

2009-05-27T14:18:00.000-07:00

"The distance was just over 150 km, but in our hearts it was more."

How do you say your final goodbyes? What do you say to a dying man? What do you say to your person who has loved you since the day you were born, changed your diapers, read you bed time stories, let you win at cards, smiled at your jokes even if they hurt him, what do you say?

What do you say to someone who is much older than you are, seen the life about four times as much as you have, someone who made his life himself, and in all probability made the difference between you being born on a farm or in the city. A person who has contributed to what you are today and what you will be tomorrow. Your first teacher.

What do you say to a person you love so deeply, but standing besides his deathbed you feel awkward. What do you say to a person, you have known your entire life and dont know a single thought running inside his head. What do you say to a person who wont speak back. What do you say to a person, who loves you so much that he cried everytime he saw you, but today with eyes wide open cant summon up a smile on his face.

What do you say to a dying man, how do you tell him it is over. How do you decide when to stop the oxygen and when to bring him home, where he want to close his eyes. How do you play the executioner of God's will. How do you decide when to kill, the one responsible for your presence in the world.

What do you say to his wife, whose tears are uncontrollable, how do you reason with her. How do you reason with yourself, how do you tell yourself to move on and to forget the past. How do you not remember the differences of opinion, and how do you wish for them to go away, how do you turn back time and wipe away those memories of anger and folly. How do you reason with yourself, it wasnt your fault.

How do you control the deep sorrow welling up your heart, how do you wipe away unshed tears or for that matter how do you cry for one who helped shape what you are today. How do you go downstairs and find the will to sit beside his dead body and chant mantras, how do you go to sleep. What do you tell his brother, who expects you to sit next to him and help him through the night with chanting of mantras. How do you switch on your faith in God, and how do you believe there are better things in store for him.

How do you say goodbye to your grandpa?

"The distance was just over 150 km, but in our hearts it was more."

How do I make it untrue?

In all of my glory, and self confidence... this is Void... confused and defeated... hoping the non cynics will fare better than I have.

20 things to do before graduating

2009-04-01T16:07:00.000-07:00

We are graduating in june(or nearabouts) this year, and we all will soon be one of those 9-5 job guys... or if considering recession... unemployed. Both are depressing, each one more than the other. This is the last fun part of your entire life. So what is the craziest thing you wanted to do but never had the balls to do... or thought insensible to do?

Here is my list... I have already done many of them.. but still

20) Tell a lecturer how stupid he is, when he confidently suggests a wrong thing.

19) Slap the stupid blighter in case he disagrees.

18) Tell my hod how gay he is.

17) Try drinking desi tharra (alcohol)

16) Get into a really nasty fight.

15) Get really drunk and sneak into girl's hostel!

14) Return of Bajrang Dal... (enough said!)

13) kill all biharis except kinetic bihari of corse... TI rules!

12) Start singing "you are not alone" by tears for fears loudly in examination hall.

11) Kill my old quarterback's "sister"!

10) Find the principal, grab him by both arms and shout "engines can't be made of plastic you fool"

9) Find our chairman, and say "You are fucking blind man... and so are your close circuit cameras"

8)Convince the english professor to attend english speaking classes.

7) Walk out of a lecture on the grounds that the lecturer is too stupid and even I can't teach him!

6) Have an unlimited booze party with strippers!

5) Spray paint "HOD('s name) is a loser all over the campus.

4) Give a seminar on lovelogy and the proper way to smooch... really the kids have it all wrong!

3) Have an ONS..

2) Find a job (with the market situation as it is, that actually is a crazy thing)

1)---CLASSIFIED---

I hope you enjoyed it, I will be back with more soon. Keep watching this space.

Luv
Void

The Three Months

2009-02-28T14:02:00.000-08:00

People sometimes ask me why I dont publicise my blog? Its simply because then my blog will be public and I wont be able to get in all personal and stuff. Still I figure I need to write something really cool and nasty, that sounds more like me to get over all the stupid things I wrote in the last part.

One of the things about being twenty one and waiting on your real life to begin is, it is the best time to get into a relationship. The equation is really simple, you have three months left on college. So you try and find someone, have the fun part and get out. Thats like a normal relationship, right? Wrong, basically you have an exit coming up on the highway, and you know it is coming up three months down the line! You have it all planned, three months later you will move, definitely move to a new place and into new dynamics. The dynamics shift is what we are looking for.

To understand what I really mean, lets go back three and a half years. You are a young eighteen year old, walking in, the world is your oyster and all that crap teens believe in. You develop a crush in your first month, ask her out in the second, date her in the third, tolerate her in the fourth, fight her in the fifth and you dump her in the sixth. You still have three and a half years left at the place where you are stuck with the people you never want to see in your life! A lot can go wrong in the three and a half years! You can end up in same friend circle, your best friend can end up dating her, you can end up dating her best friend. That is not to mention all the jokes your friends are going to throw at your face when you two bump in a very public place (like the cafeteria!) It has crisis written all over it. You suddenly find out the life is a bytch, and you get four years training on exactly what kind of bytch the life is!

Or you can choose to skip that training. Believe me life being a bytch is a lesson you will learn without even trying. Life tries to screw you so bad and so much, that by the time four years are over your ass resembles the surface of a golf ball!

Now if you are dating outside your college, let us hope you are suitably located for that kind of thing. That you are living in the heart of the city, and your college workload allows you considerable freedom, then you can date someone who is not remotely connected to your college.
Or there is the LDRs, I am personally prejudiced against LDRs simply because they are lame and is basically not at all like being in a relationship but yeah, there is the LDR. Especially if the chick is in your hometown, your hometown is hundred miles from college and attendance is not so much compulsary. Otherwise they dont work.

But there is a downside to this, what happens is when you are dating someone outside the college that means you are not interested in girls in your vicinity. So what happens is the girls in your vicinity assume you are gay or DC. Now if you break up with the LDR or the gal outside college you get stuck in a no-women's-land zone, which is basically opposite of lesbian booty town. Comparing it with stats, there is 87% chance you will break up before you are 20 and 98% chance you will break up before 21. (Did you know 42% of all stats are made up on the spot?)

So how the three month period works.... In the forst month you locate a girl, calculate the stability and probability (forget the crush part). In the second month you date her, in the third month you create the distance. In the fourth month, but wait... there is no fourth month! You are out of college, just change sims, block her from facebook and orkut and you are done. Or if you dont want to be nasty, you can just keep on increasing the distance, using the shifting dynamics as an excuse, till the elastic limit is reached, plastic deformation occurs and yield point is reached (sorry I am a mechanical engineer!)

Now, why the three month period is crucial. First and foremost WE LIVE IN INDIA, by the time the girl is finishing her four year course their is a eighty percent likelihood her parents are trying to get her married! Even if they are not, the marriage is not distant at all. The girls are looking for freedom and life saviors. Second reason is well, near the end, ends happen! Lot of vulnerable people out there! Third reason is you are stepping into a grownup world, younger chicks dig that. Vulnerability is not just about relationships being over, people also get scared before any new beginnings, like first day of school, first day of college, the first day of real life is approaching!! Run! Run for your lives!!

But the most important reason is people go crazy near graduation. There is simply too much fun that was there in your college life, so in the dying moments you want to have as much of it as possible. You have dreams (not the academic ones you idiot), thoughts, you wanted to accomplish! I shit you not, girls have fantasies about things they want to do before leaving college that will make your head spin! If you get inside it is very close to lesbian booty town! ;)

Have fun and please hook up!

Love
Void

P.S. I humbly dedicate this post to awesome and "legen.... wait for it..... dary (legendary)" Barney Stinson. Go read the Barney's Blog for more wisdom!

My Two Steps to Understanding

2009-02-25T10:16:00.000-08:00

I was pissed, then I begin thinking.
I understood the first step and I was still pissed.
I kept thinking
I understood the second step and I was no longer pissed.
I stopped thinking and went to bed.

That is how last three days have been. I have introspected, blamed myself for things that werent my fault. Gotten mad, lost control of self. But I finally figured it out.

There are very few things like morphine in this world. Nothing gives as much kick as a single shot of morphine in your spine. But there is something quite close, somebody coming up to you and saying in a very even tone they hate you, hate you double, loathe you.

The thing that really bothered me was it shouldnt be bothering me, if you know what I mean. Never has anybody gotten so much inside my head than that girl... ugh! But what happens, happens. Not much we can do about it. What we can do instead is figure out they why and take precautions that situation like that dont repeat. Not "the someone saying I hate you" part, but "the bothering" part!

I always quite knew I am not the most popular guy around, people hate me and I am fine with it.
Not much we can do about others. What ticked me off was when the blame games started. I got blamed for things I didnt do and for things I did opposite of. I am not saying I was all right, I too did some bad things, but well... I did what I had to do, to keep the Q4R going. And another thing that upset me was the fact, throughout the year I took so much shit for supporting these people, and at the end of it they dont appreciate it. Sometimes, I wonder why the hell I bothered.

But then, I am happy. I gave people a chance. I tried to make something happen, and maybe it didnt turn out the way some people thought, but it still was something amazing. That was the second step of understanding. She isnt mad at me, but herself. Everybody lost a lot during Q4R, but we all gained. There was not a single person who went to Japan as part of TIRC who didnt become a better/improved/well-rounded (take ur pick) person due to this project. Some of us even believe we took the transition from boys to men in this phase. But there was one person who didnt learn anything. One who lost on other fronts and gained nothing from the project. One person who let that opportunity slip right through her hands. She is mad because she knew she blowed a chance. By blaming it on me, she is seeking redemption of some sorts. It is the defense mechanism at work.

So what do I do? I stand by and watch... I dont interfere. Let her figure out these things on herself, if she does it will hurt but she will take step closer to development. If she doesnt.. well shortcuts also work! At this point I have decided to renew my theory of minimal human interaction. It was a bitter pill I got and I dont want another taste of it anytime soon.

Until laters!

Love
Void!

Ugh!!

2009-02-20T12:14:00.000-08:00

I should really be allowed to shoot some people. On such a lovely and beautiful day, when there is the first warmth of the spring sun, people can mess with your head!

Thats why I am happy with minimum contact. And I am not kidding. I just happen to have excellent reasons to do it. Like for instance, this friend of mine (well we are not exactly friends, more like acquaintainces) out of nowhere instilled the idea of becoming a better person in my head. And that idea is a bytch to begin with!! The idea is so deeply horrible and self destructive that I am compulsed to follow it, which basically means curbing all my natural instincts.

The good news is, my insomnia is back and so is nicotine and caffiene. On a day like today, about a month ago, I figured out a couple of things. The first was there are always, invariably two steps to understanding. The first is you understand the situation and the second is you understand the cause of the situation. And we are no nearer a solution yet. Thats whats bugging me. I am as away from the second step as anyone could ever be.

The second thing I figured out was I only want things that I cant get! I dont know if it holds true for everyone, but yes all indications are in that direction!! So the problem basically is I want something I cant have. I only want it because I cant have it, and if I get it I wouldnt want it anymore! Not that I am anywhere even near to getting that thing.

I know what you are thinking... I am messed up in head. Well, what is to say I am not!

Goodbye, 2008: The Best Ever

2008-12-29T08:49:00.000-08:00

20 years from now I will look back at the year 2008 and will say that was one of the best fucking years of my life. The same way I look back at 96-97 as the best period till now.

2008 brought back a lot of things I had lost in previous years. 2008 gave me back my confidence and my arrogant stride. 2008 returned to me the power of being good, it brought back old lost friends, and surprisingly a helluva lot stronger family bonds. It also brought back my self respect that was sometime ago flushed down a gutter. It gave me many new things like playing the role of an elder brother or mentor to some of my friends. I found the leader inside of me, reluctant at first but now in flow. And of course, the capability to love... that I had lost somewhere.

Life aint perfect, 2008 probably had more downs than I care to admit. But I dont count my life in terms of bad moments. Doing that is plain sad and waste of thought. I say this is the best, cuz I enjoyed it the most. I loved busting my ass to complete the project. I loved hanging out with the guys and getting drunk. I even enjoyed watching and handling Khurana-the drunk baby. I loved skipping lectures, getting on teacher's nerves. I loved plotting and strategising on the best course of actions. I loved studying, cuz the last semester was a hell lot interesting than study ever was. I loved how I was able to use, Satan's darkest tool-- manipulation for the good of Q4R.

To add to all that Indian cricket team has finished the year on a real high, winning T-20, getting to second pedastal in Test championship and all that. Liverpool is doing well too, my second favorite sporting team in the world, right now top of the table in BPL, top of the table in champions league group stage. Ferrari, my third favorite is also doing quite alright, winning the constructor's championship and all that. And of course, team India got like 3 medals at the Olympics!! That was the first!! So its been a good year overall, sportswise.

Now you will say 2008 might have been good for sports, but what about business.. recession and all that. But then you cant have all the things in life can you? If you do what will be left to fight for? And if there is nothing to achieve wont life be boring and everything? I say fight for things that are in our control rather than those that are not...

But a good year isnt just the one which gives enjoyable moments, I say this is the best because not onlyI enjoyed it but it also presented challenges and opportunities for the coming year. A lot has been achieved in 2008, the year that was the high waters of a truly entertaining voyage. 2009 is the year we reap the awards, reach the destination.. I hope it is as fun as this year has been...

luv n luck for '09
Void

The Year That Was

2008-09-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, of course you got that right. That is the title of my unpublished abandoned first pathetic attempt at what even I couldnt categorize as a book... but yes it was a start and definitely one of the better titles I have invented over the years. Does that mean today I talk about my failed attempts at writing? definitely not.. thats a story for some other day. Today is the day for nostalgia.. and nostalgia is such an ugly word, the sound is all wrong, the spelling.. it reminds me of nausea and that sure is an ugly word.

So I get nostalgic a lot, big deal. Nostalgia leads to great stories or memoirs or just plain simple blabbering. Which one is on for tonight is but obvious. Today we explore the year in which I found and lost friends, remade them and ended up in serious brotherhood than I expected. The year I went on my first overseas trip, and the year I did something to be proud of, and of course the year I fell in love! lol, kidding about the last part..

So the year (and I dont mean 2008, I mean the academic year meaning somewhere August 2007 to till now) started with an acquaintance falling on his head one fine evening and seriously injuring his head. Out of this trumultous experience bred out the single most dangerous plan I have heard in my entire life. And as the fate would have it, I had a similar accident the next day and the severe trauma of the accident led me to accept what the plan had to offer. Somewhere down the road, we named it Q4R and of course Torque India Racing Club. See the trouble with my group is we are all emotional fools. We deliberately avoid any path that rationality suggests and hence we end up in more than our share of troubles. And as I recall one fine day in the middle of all of this chaos, I was sane enough to consider walking out of this plan but then of course my besty, the evil sorceress, deluded me with talks of pain and blood and right and wrong. Of course, she is sitting somewhere right now laughing uncontrollably at my misery. And then we got our first success, a bright young lad joined our group and he brought smiles for all and also our first cash sponsor. And we all have our fingers crossed that someday he will take leadership burden. He is a good kid, and although he did cry twice in Japan without any reason I believe he is strong enough.

And the year moved on, new year arrived, bringing university exams along. I did well in most of that, passed everything, and then of course febuary came. And everybody knows that I hate febuary, also January but not so much. And as luck would have it, I saw death again and I lost again. But Febuary brought some happy news along, like a car on four wheels, that was Febuary, 14th. But moving on, it wasnt much later that we had our first grand success, we had a running car as on April, 4th and it was a success. It didnt abandon us during the launch on April,5th and ran smooth as a cucumber and we were all relieved. We did fuck up the launch seminar pretty badly as were grossly mismanaged and underprepared, but TI-07 ran smooth and that was all that mattered.

Barely after the euphoria of success settled down, we were faced with the impossible choice, either get the rest of the money or shut the project down. Somebody called 15 days to get the money or quit, we got money in 7. That was somewhere towards the end of April. And that was the start of it all. We planned and schemed and blueprinted what TI-08 would be like, we discussed argued and selected an engine and went on a shopping spree. Nothing did last, barely had we started with our chassis work, the Uni Exams came to haunt us. And this time I might have flunked a couple, I am not sure. The results aint out yet, but maybe I didnt cuz my first impression was I didnt, so well. Once the exams were over, it was sweat and blood and thats all it took really. Countless sleepless nights, countless 16 hour shifts and countless days spent in sun on a roadside pavement completing a dream. And we did, and we did go to Japan.. but

The engine blew up, and I am not the kind of guy who cry at movies or watching tv. I dont cry when people die. But for some reason tears came out. Maybe it was at my stupid fucked up life, or my enormously screwed up luck, or maybe it was just plain disbelief. Cuz I believed we were the good guys, and according to karma we should have got back what we gave. But damn it wasnt meant to be. And perhaps even with the engine, we wouldnt have one that comp but damn it I wanted TI-08 to show what it was truly capable of. And in Fukuroi city, that night I drank my brains out. I was so hammered, I couldnt have differentiated between people and I might have killed someone if the right moment presented. And at that moment I felt like it was the end of my motorsporting dreams.

But Tokyo happened. And I saw life again (there was this great Mexican Sports Bar, called Los Cabos and it was amazing. I had virtually every drink in there and every food! I even ate an Octopus, met with some hookers and other random chicks), and my brothers rallied around me once more, demanding whats their right, another shot at the competition. And yes I was initially very negative, very cynical of chances of survival of Torque India. I am even on a video stating Torque India should disband right now, but I was wrong. TIRC is not one man, its more than that, its heart and blood and sweat of at least seven good men if not more. And well I couldnt just give up, can I? I am in this too deep to quit. And I am glad I made that choice cuz TIRC really deserve another chance.

And as I say again and again, Life is but a matter of choice, this or that, yin or yang.
Hope still drives me...

Crazy Ideas: Vol 3: The Return of The Void

2008-08-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

I have been busy.

Does that encompass lack of a post for eight months, is something I can not answer. Q4R occupied most of those eight months, that I can assure you. Q4R is on the verge of a successful end (or is it the beginning?), by the way.

Chalo, I will begin the post.

Terror(?) Attacks!!

And here we go again, a bomb here and a bomb there. Three cities, and all three of them I share a special connection with, Jaipur, Bangalore, Ahmedabad.

I spent my childhood in Jaipur, formative years in Ahmedabad and Bangalore just for the amazing place it is, and because two of my bestest friends live there.

And I was thinking, as always, watching stuff from a distance you know like I am used to. And two theories strike me, one admittedly because of my mother and the other one for the sheer genius of it.

India has been a terrorist hub for ages, our neighboring countries cant seem to respect our National Integrity, or maybe they cant control their citizens. Maybe they don't appreciate the fact that a country can be secular and progressive at the same time or maybe all religions are equal. (The all religion part is real easy for me, being an atheist and all!) Its a well known fact that our neighbors all around the borders have tried infiltration with one form or the other. This fact has been well documented, put in public view and everything. But this is not the point I am trying to put across. There is something missing, there have been bombs before but not so many, and not in the smaller cities (aside of J&K of course) and definitely not so frequently. And I haven't done any research work but I just flat feel a difference. And what about Research and Analysis Wing (RAW), where are they? Haven't they been the top intelligence agency after maybe CIA? How come they couldn't foil these attacks this time, I am sure they don't publicise it but they do spoil a lot of such attempts every year. How do you spoil a plan? Informants, eavesdropping and a million other techniques that are P2C2E (Process too complicated to explain). And so the failure means RAW or IB didn't have any informants, couldn't eavesdrop-definitely means new agency!!

New don't mean new like old timer organization Lashkar n stuff, the ISLAMIC group. Neither it is Maoists, naxalites or any other and here are the two theories, and what "new" might be.

The Insider Theory

First one is not my theory like I said before, heard from my mommy first and heard it repeated by Ms. Sushma Swaraj (I have always liked her, by the way). The government is doing it? If you haven't heard the UPA has taken a huge hit in the guts by the inflation. Three cities got hit, all BJP ruled states! You can blame it on BJP government, and their incompetence like the "central" government did. You can also ask the question, why the hell? And when did the politics got so dirty as putting the blame on each other for terrorist acts!!

Congress, if I remember correctly have been blamed for massacre, killings, etc. before this. And well after the note wads being waved at the parliament nothing would surprise me.

The Outsider Theory

If somebody else has expressed this theory somewhere before I am not aware of it, it is just something that came to my mind.

If you look closely at the top of Indian Government, we have two brilliant economists in Manmohan Singh and Chidambaram. So why is our finances (inflation) so screwed up? Indian finances were always strong (inflation, gdp) even with the non economist ministers. Why is it going up. It almost makes you wonder. Add to it the instability in the government brought about by the NUCLEAR DEAL, your mind begins to churn. Throw in the bomb blasts, subtract the political corruption of the country (that saved the government), and you get a country with an uncontrollable inflation, no government and bombs exploding every corner. That means maybe you can connect all of them. If you have been reading the newspaper, USA has blamed India for food shortage, inflation in their country and have always been an awful ally. In fact for US, India, which was like an unsquattable bugging fly until a couple of decades ago, is now turning up as a competitor. Competitor who maintains both the GDP and Inflation at 8% steady continuously! And what was with the fall in the dollar, did it really touch 37? What would you do if you had all the resources and CIA! Maybe fuck up the finances, screw with the government and destabilize the country. Easy to do if a neighbor of the country you wanna mess up is your lapdog. After all CIA has a reputation to live up to!!

Not that we can do anything about it but well, nice to have these thoughts out!!

With Love
Void

The Troublemakers in Chief

2007-11-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

So my Quarterback says, "Whats the trouble chief"
"I have no idea my boy, but sure as hell I will find out."

And thats what we have been doing since then, me and my quarterback. Finding The Answer!! Sorry for the delay peeps... It is as we say in German A man's gotta do what he gotta do.
(But thats English protests my quarterback. Damn him, he cant read worth shit!)

Were we finding the trouble or creating is another matter and we will deal with that too. I have been a self proclaimed sexist for ages now. Why sexist? I will tell you a joke, I got it once or twice (or maybe 2000 times) in forwarded mail, that we all despise. You must have heard it...

Girls require money and time, this gives

Girls=MoneyxTime

And according to old dictum Time is Money.

Girls= MoneyxMoney = (Money) ^2

But Also money is the root of all Evil

This Gives

Girl= {sqr root(Evil)}^2= Evil

So Girls are basically evil. Telling you this joke doesnt make me a sexist, even my quarterback agrees (This must be simple if even he can understand it!!) Even liking this joke dont make me a sexist. What makes me a sexist is the fact that I believe it to be something worthy of Einstein! Even better than his work on General Relativity! It is one sparkler! (Which reminds me of the closest thing to this brilliant proof! Its definition of relativity by none other than Mr. Albert Einstein... "Talk to a pretty girl for an hour and it willl fee like a second, put a finger in flame for a second it will seem like eternity. That my friend is relativity!")

Now that we have established Girls are evil theory as the base of this post, I dont mind sharing with you the trouble me and my quarterback were facing was girl trouble. ( What are you doing man? Thus spoke my worthy quarterback at this point. Ignore him, he is a little upset. Its not his fault, things havent been going so well for him lately) We were fighting girls. (Not girls you dumbass, evil! says my quarterback. ~grin~ thats why he is my quarteback you know!!)

So I and my quarteback embark upon a quest, a quest of irradicating the good in our life and to embrace evil. A journey that so many before us have foolhardingly undertaken. Do we expect to tame evil? In retrospect this sounds really silly but we did hope so! We actually believed that we can conquer evil and make it our bytch! But damn it the evil consumed us, left us soul less.
(But you were the one who swallowed my soul, protests my quarteback. He is just babbling now, dont pay attention.) I believed I am the son of light and will vanquish the demons if and when we face them (But how can Satan be son of light, murmurs the Quarterback). I devised strategy, schemed, manuvered even manipulated. But to no extent, a greater evil than any of us can ever be rule on this earth. And she stands there in all her majesty and all we can do is but bow and accept our fate.

"So bow you fool" I shouted at my quarterback while thinking of kneeling. No reply came, and I look around and he is nowhere to be seen! I look up and see the soul less bastard at the helm of a flying chariot, lashing with a whip at dark horses. I had to strain to notice him, for sitting in the back in all her majesty was the Queen herself- The Supreme Evil!

Fucked Up?

2007-11-03T16:15:00.000-07:00

Controversial title? Well I don’t give a damn.

Hostel life is much talked about, much idolized. People always tell you that they had some of their best times in hostel, or they learnt so much in the hostel. But for me, its been a wonderful epiphany to the slime we call the world.

This post is meant to be on love, so why in the hell am I talking about hostel life? Is it because the long tired hours that gave me an answer? Partly yes, but mainly because I have sampled so much, there is simply too much here for Void the cynic. I have refrained from using hostel life for posts simply because of the fact the identity of people involved matter a lot to me, and I have no wish to divulge them. I have inspected, permuted and combined but still I couldn’t find a way to keep their identities secret, because to any person of my hostel, each and every example will be painfully obvious. I just hope they stay on the strategy of ignoring this webpage or if they do venture across, for once don’t spread the word around. So lets get this post started.

Earlier, I never could have looked a person in their eyes and just simply lie. Hostel life taught me that. It also gave me time, the best thing that came out of getting stuck in this hell-hole and not having friends. You know up until a year ago, my friends were everything to me, then I let go. And things have changed, and suddenly the burden of feelings have lifted off my shoulders, I can be selfish, even rude if need be. And it doesn’t bother me, staying alone, sitting in front of the computer for so damn long that my eyes hurt, the head spin, and doing nothing but inspecting, everything. Just waiting and watching. And I learnt a lot, I needed the break that my third and (especially) the fourth semester provided me. It just slowed down things enough so I can relax and realize that I am going downwards and I must climb back. I also realized that the cynicism is drowning the hope inside of me. That good feeling that I am gonna be something great someday. And it happened. I found Q4R… I have started the climb back…

Hostel Life also gave me the treasure of e-books and movies. I happened to watch A Walk to Remember the other night, and darn, the movie is beautiful. And somehow somewhere I connected with it. For whatever reason as there maybe I understood much that was alien to me in a week since then, part of the reason why I have been idle. Anyway, coming back to the point…

“Love is like the wind, I cant see it but I can feel it.”

And the thing that I have been pondering about was love and soul mates, and existence of destiny. Is there really one perfect person for all of us? Are we all supposed to fall in love? Some vague memories come back to me of a piece that I have written about love, exactly where, I don’t remember but the essence was that to be able to fall in love you have to be a perfect 100, or perhaps, 90 and you make a hundred when you fall in love. 100 is not an age, but representative factor of state of perfection. Not everybody is there but everyone can get there. But you argue that people fall in love right and left, of course they do! You see that’s the point, the Romance, the passion dies… always. And hopefully what you are left with is trust and understanding. If you make it, you are perhaps 5% of the whole population, even lesser. I am willing to bet that more than 50% of couples either end up divorced, legally or otherwise. If you get the drift of what I mean….

A fourteen year old girl once said to me that I want to be married, and be in love till the end of my days, and not like my parents who sleep on the same bed but the love is lost. Or roughly that… I may have taken out a few suggestive phrases.

I believe the number to be at least 80%, but I have nothing to back me, no data. You live in a hostel and you look at the relationships around you. And there are weird facts. Like this couple, they are ethnically, culturally identical. I heard that sometime back when they were not a couple, both of them had categorically stated the other to be brother or sister as implied. On different occasions, yes, but stated as a fact. And yet around four months later they are consummating, in the literal sense!

Then there is this another couple, from what I know, they got together, then broke up, then I saw the guy assuring the girl that her back paper will be cleared, and darn it was cleared in revaluation! Amazing luck or money power? Either way they are back together.

(Note: Back papers can be cleared in our university, upon payment of certain amount of money through right channels)

Then there is the act of persuasion. From what I heard, some guys chased the girls. They were always there, trying to impress until the girls gave in.

Then there is this couple and for some reason it is the most talked about couple of the college, recently I had the opportunity to observe them closely. I can tell you this, they might have something deeper than most others, but the guy is definitely a fiend. But there is a lot of passion there… there is lot I must leave unsaid here, so you should really discard this one.

Then there is this guy, who speaks frankly. I spend money on her so that I can have sex with her. Awesome, if you ask me.

Then there is this couple, and they are really weird, both of them. The guy basically thinks that he is actually better than his girlfriend, looks-wise, and he could have gotten better deal. The girl says that there is no way that I will end up with this guy because my parents wont let me, I wont even ask them. They both claim to love the other one.

These are just a few lines; trust me to know more than that including some unmentionables. About them and others, and I have really inspected the dark side of the moon, rather closely. And I know that it really comes down to whether or not you want to go through with it or not. Out of the twenty odd relationships that I have seen, I don’t expect many to survive. And the ones that did, or will do wont be based on the love but others mitigating factors like for instance job. Girl gets in with Infosys, guy doesn’t get a job, they are over. Not exactly those facts, but you know what I mean. They will have to be equals, and its not just about the jobs. Equals as in how you see it, like imagine your better half and imagine it being part of your family, then imagine being part of his/her family, even if one of the two pictures is distorted, it wont fit. It also depends on the person, like me for instance, there is this need to bail out, get out of a relationship. To breathe free… The romance dies, but hopefully what you are left with is trust and understanding… and the romantic love that you dream of don’t really exist except perhaps in your imagination or for those 100 mark people. There is no happily ever after but a life, a real life, and a bytch of a life at that. And the best you can hope for is not the perfect 100, but for a someone who will be there, and someone for whom you will be there. As far as I am concerned, my heart is blocked, with an iceberg, I wont fall in love till I am sure that I can really prioritize the one girl…

Long Due..

2007-10-20T04:18:00.000-07:00

So I have been slacking in blogging, but so what? I mean come on, its only the side product of being busy, what with my two wives... Sandhya and Q4R.

Sandhya, or Sandy (since we have gotten so cozy close) is an absolute bytch, I mean what is with being there over my head all the time. Cant you just cut me some slack, but then I love her to death and thats again a side product of love. Busy...

And then Q4R which is an even bigger one if that is at all possible, so I am doing double shift. Days to Q4R and nights to Sandy. And you ask what happened to that simpleton I am legally married to? Of course you wont remember that I hate her. She is absolutely no use, but a man must do what he has to do, so my legal wife, is on a vaccation or rather that I am on a vaccation from her. But by God if ever there were a vaccation like this with swift dwindling accounts and high rising blood pressure, zero phone balance and emptiness it will sell out faster than sweets on Diwali eve. Alas you have to be The Void to have that....

And between the three wives I am torn and busy... but my legal wife is tolerant of Q4R and is ignorant of Sandy, Q4R knows the legal complexities coming with having a legal wife, so she is tolerant of her but is again ignorant of Sandy. Sandy is the absolute bytch, she knows nothing, hears nothing and demands everything. No wonder I love her the most. And it is not just Sandy, but the sidekicks that come with her, I love them too. And in this disaster of polygamy my friends have grown sarcastic and family well... its better not to involve family in the blogs!! It only results in chaos.

So here you are, the reason of my messed up life. Is all good in the hood. You see friendship is tricky but romance is downright evil. It gnaws and sucks on you till nothing is left of you but a shadow, or an empty space-The Void. But here is a thought thats been in my mind for sometime now, and the root of all troubles as I can see

"A friend to all is a friend to none."

In what context I say this will take another lengthy bitching post, and I have realized that one of my many possible downfalls can be the bitching, so I am taking a break from bitching, and thats enough bitching, so I wil quit bitching, and leave. Ciao!!

Choices Revisited

2007-09-12T15:47:00.000-07:00

Life, according to Quantam Physics, is but a chance. A chance which way the dice will roll. A chance whether the toss of coin will dish out head or tails. And the choice is whether you called out heads or tails, or which number you put your money on. This is what life is, a casino of bets. Some choices are simple but then the simple choices dont reward as much. The bigger the stakes are, more complex it gets. And sometimes its choice between two rights, according to two people. Or like Rowling said, between what is easy and what is right.

And people do succumb to the choices that are easy, or the ones that somebody else (read parents) chose for them. It is inevitable, and people shouldnt really be blamed for lack of spine. They are the way they are, perhaps having a simple life is their way to deal with shit. Or the most common of all they dont choose but let the fate take its course, so they dont win or loose but just drift with the flow of tide. I would say that is the wise decison, at least as far as probability goes, which by the way accounts for more than you care to know. But the fact remains.... and it bites and bites deep

The fact that people dont care or commit to things in a way that they should. That they make life impossible for their colleagues, that they turn a blind eye to magnanimity or importance of the situation and chose to drift. And the shocking thing about it is they do it in spite of the ability to perform better. Its their inherent lack to understand simplest things in life or the inability to sort out their priorties. It drives me to despair. I have been rarely as frustrated as I am right now. And I want to give up but my bestie says my heart will bleed if I do that. And I dont know whether I will be able to or not, but my better judgment says that I should. Not because of probability stacked up so high against me, but because of having to operate with people who always find the wrong person to shout at (which happens to be me). I am not perfect but I will be damned if I dont know my priroties. The difference and the salvation both lie in commitment, and that remains my problem. I dont know how to make them see my point of view, I dont know how we will ever survive this tirade of pathetic working habits, the communication gap and the lack of commitment. It will come down to choice whether they accept the harsh reality or not...

Maybe I will write in my next post in detail why I quit the quest for redemption (Q4R), or why the team threw me out or why they bailed. Or maybe, just maybe they will understand....

The Quest for Redemption

2007-09-08T22:39:00.000-07:00

This one goes out to my team....

You cant seriously expect me to publicly mention what exactly is the quest for redemption, but I will instead share two of the most memorable experiences of my life.

December 2005- January 2006

It was somewhere 28th or 29th, I received an email from IIT Bombay, they said that I have been shortlisted for a workshop and competition on Computational Fluid Dynamics, CFD for short. As it happened I did not know anything about fluid dynamics, so through January I studied hard, put in a lot of effort and went for the workshop. On January the 20th, in a classroom full of people from top colleges of India, the NITS and Dr. Atul Sharma of Aerospace Department, IIT Bombay, a first year student of a virtually unknown college raised his hand to tell everyone that he is the only first year student, from a virtually unknown college. I further confirmed I have had no training in fluid mechanics, the 35 people in that room except for me laughed openly, including the professor. By the end of the day nobody was laughing, as I was among the ten students, who made it to the second round. By the end of the second day, people older than me and from better colleges came to me for advise, and by the end of the third day, at completion of the workshop, I had wrapped up the competition and praise from Mr. Sharad Purohit, the director of CDAC. I also got to use ParamPadma, India's fastest supercomputer, ranked just over 100th in all of the world!

On that day I decided I will return to IIT Bombay for the techfest every single year. I was determined to win the biggest competition of the fest. I did make a team and we did participate in Techfest 2007 but didnt win, performed well in our own eyes but not well enough to justify the expenditure.

Three Days ago

The three members from the old team were sitting in my room and discussing the current endeavor. I for the fun of it, found the old drawings that we made last year, for the 2007 Techfest, and seeing those drawing, reduced us to fits of laughter. They are such crap, seriously useless, yet back then those drawing made infinite sense to us. Same goes for a lot of other work. So listen to me, for what I have to say is very important, it was a learning curve. And it still is, we dont claim to know the answers, but we want to find them. Its not about knowing but finding out, and giving your best.

That is what every competition is all about. Setbacks and crappy work comes with being new to any project, and it will pass and hopefully you too like us will look back at these days and laugh about it. Believe me when I tell you that this is going to be the most rewarding experience of your lives. People are always going to tell you that you cant do it, because they didnt do it themselves. It is going to be tough, not all the answers that you want will be staring you in your face but buried beneath mounds of dirt, that you will have to dig. It will come down to commitment, how much time and energy you are going to put in it. Whether you will put it above everything else that you have in life, or will you give excuses of from the everything else in your life to not do your share of work. I know each and everyone of you, and I know you well, even if I never spoke to you before but I know that you are capable of doing whatever it is that is your work. Never lose hope, or the faith in yourself. Also remember, that one person alone can undo the good work of all the others, if one part fails the whole thing will fail. So just keep your head down, and keep working hard because like our Web Designer said The Worst is Yet to Come.

Lost Here Somewhere

2007-09-01T01:44:00.000-07:00

For those who want to know, yes I am still alive.
And while I am at it a shout goes out to two or three people who have graced this blog by their continuos presence.
The second coming that I planned has been postponed more than I thought, but then things always move along at a slower pace than we expect, unless its something we are dreading.
Look out for the second coming around 10th of this month, no promises, but worth a check.
Cheerioz

Mr. Void, The Cynic

2007-08-12T04:57:00.000-07:00

This one is for you...

I was talking to my besty today and we suddenly jumped from astrology to introspection and to blogging. Long and short of the story is she said that I should write one about myself, in which I introspect. I thought noway, not that I ever listen to myself. Anywho, against my better judgment I will write this, as a mark of how much that one single friend means to me.

I call myself a cynic, repeatedly. That doesnt make me a cynic, and that is not even important. What is important is the underlying desire to be one, for it is true that I wish to be a cynic. Forget the dictionaries, for me a cynic is someone who covers up the irony of his life in jest and present them in a manner so ridiculous that nobody sees the pain. For me cynic is a person that laughs at other people's misery not because he finds misery amusing but he sees similarities or ironies that other people cant and laughing is his way to deal with emotional surcharge rushing through him. A cynic to me, is the deepest reader of civilization, and of humans that forces him to mistrust one and all.

The underlying desire to be a cynic comes from my deepest, darkest fears. The feeling gets prominent with shadows crossing over. Small incidents, if inspected individually are probably harmless, but accumulated over the time claws and eats you inside. Only the best of persons have control over their darkest fears, these are probably the chosen few. There is another category that I totally despise and these are manipulators, who give in to their fears and work to achieve the opposite. These are the world leaders, these are probably the most successful people in the world. There are also people who just crumble under their insecurities, the weaklings, the simpletons. And then there are cynics, as painful as it is, they just swerve the link on which the fear is based and they decide that one way or the other it doesnt matter. But the truth is that the link cant be broken, and there is a stabbing pain whenever the shadow crosses confirming the side. But the pain comes and goes and cynics stand their ground unaffected in the long run.

But the truth is I am not a cynic and that there is a part in me that dont want me to end up a cynic. This is the part that gives me faith, and the immeasurable hope that I have, which is all I have. The courage comes and goes, but hope often helps in overcoming the fears, hardwork happens (although not always) and I find myself standing.

A few stand by me, but I find it so very difficult to trust anybody, to bare my soul. There are always half truths, reality covered in jest and fiction and things roll. As Void, the author, it has always been very important to me to hide the identities of people I mention in my blog because they are real people with emotions and feelings and not all react the same way to being exposed to the world. Sometimes I take the hit, in order that someone else's identity or secret may be preserved. My blogs are a lot manipulated. Am I mysterious, no I am not. I dont want to be, but it is equally important to preserve someone else's secrets. Although I am a little bit superstitious about not speaking about a thing till it has launched, and that I prefer to work away from prying eyes. I have made the mistakes about it in the past and found my work difficult when people watched me. I also dont answer unasked questions. So if you think that I am being mysterious perhaps you are not asking the right question.

There was a time when I really thought that the most important thing in my life was to have friends, now I dont. Now I yearn for success and for withering heights. To reach the top and give it all up to become an author. I yearn for experience that life will give me. But there is somthing that I yearn for beyond all, something that I will not mention today, because it doesnt fit the twenty year old Void. I also yearn for a quick exit from this world, twenty more years is the most I want to live.

I smoke, not because I want the death to come early. I want the quick exit but not a painful one, anyway that is not the point. I smoke because that is the few moments of true freedom that I have from this world. I smoke because it relieves my mind, sometimes just because I am bored but mostly because of the freedom. I drink for the same reasons, but I hate getting drunk. I hate to lose my control so I am not so hot on drinking.

One more thing about myself is I hate making mistakes, simplest of mistakes like saying Good Morning in the evening or getting excited or simply getting nerdy. And I berate myself for making these mistakes. I am fairly lazy and can be termed borderline reckless. But I am not irresponsible. I get things done and on time! I am usually punctual, except for the classes, which I can never get on time to.

I dont like people who dump their troubles all over someone else, and play the blame games. Dumping your troubles over someone else doesnt mean talking to a friend to regain some strength or some sense of direction. But I absolutely hate people who just have problems and those who never come through for you in your troubles. I am also repelled by people who speak a lot of themselves or try and impress others especially with money or possessions. But above all I hate those people who always tell you that you are their best friend, they love you to bits but when it matters you are left alone, and I have loads of them!

On Veganism, I would love you if you are a vegan but non veganism is hardly the biggest problem the world is facing. On God, I am my God and work is worship. On diplomacy, will never understand it.

I seriously hope you got what you wanted cuz I am not going to make another attempt. Introspection, huh? I know myself, if there is one thing I am sure of, that is it.

The Losing Battle

2007-08-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

"So do all, who live to see such times but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

(Gandalf to Frodo Baggins, in Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring in response to Frodo's continued desire Frodo and Gandalf in mines of Moria,Precisely the scene
where this dialogue was exchanged
to not bear the ring of power. To the best of my belief the line was only in the movie and not in the book)

Dont we all wish something of that sort, perhaps not of that magnitude? The reason that Lord of the Rings remain etched in my memory as the finest book ever written, is the fact they all stepped up to fight a battle they never thought they could win. From Frodo, who takes up the ring of power and journey without the aid of the more seasoned campaigners to the Strider, who marches to a fight that he will lose so that somebody else can win. And they were united, their power lay in courage of their hearts, and strength of their brotherhood. They bowed not to some invisible power, but met their dooms head on without fear. And yet suffered defeat in victory, Princess Arwen to Samwise Gamgee, who won and yet lost. No story was ever told, that was so riddled with grief, the bravery at its best. To fight a battle that you can not win and then smile in loss, in hope for someone else to enjoy that victory. I bow to you, Mr. Tolkien for providing us with an epic that will remain etched in our hearts till we breath.

The Strider, Aragorn, Elessar... He goes by many names
There is another incident, another phenomena that elated our hearts, much in the same way as Tolkien. His name wasMichael Schumacher.There was an incident, three years ago. It was Chinese Grandprix. Schumi having taken the bull by its horns had stormed his way atop the leader board with a comfortable lead. His championship was secure, then Chinese Grand Prix happened. With the worst luck that any driver ever could have, from punctured tyres to collisions, nothing that was his fault and he found himself at the bottom. And with nothing to prove and no battle that he could possibly win, he drove out of the pits, new tyres and everything and started setting scorchers of laps. On the last lap of the grandprix, he set the absolute fastest lap, a record that still holds. He finished thirteenth. He need not have done it, he could have just gone to pits and had a cold drink and nobody would have thought any less of him. Yet he raced, with ghosts perhaps just to prove something to himself. As luck would have it, next year he was riddled with a car that Schumi storming in Monaco
couldnt have won him any championships. Yet he fought, he raced with faster cars, defended, and lost and yet stepped out smiling waving to loyal fans as opposed to hiscompatriots who just vent their anger after being thrown out of a race. He bowed out, without the no.1 that he held for five years in succession and seven years in all. Thanks for inspiring us Schumi, for entertaining us and for fighting the losing battles...

And this is what life is about fighting those battles that you will eventually loose. A quest that leads only to defeat and leaves you to find little victories in a larger loss. Remember, when you wish things were different, you are not the only one. People who accomplished great things thought the same, and yet they marched to their eventual defeats, and found little success. Remember, the bravery at its best is to fight the losing battle, to lose it and still smile. Everything else that comes your way is just a bonus...

Hope must drive you....

Friendship Day Tribute 2: My Dark Side

2007-08-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed." ---Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)

As an author you always tend to suck on misery to get a feeling for scope of a situation. And as it happens, the misery thrives on details and the finer points. Unfortunately, unless you have an extraordinary sense of observation, the memories as rich in detail only comes from personal experiences. So here we are, waiting to dissect another episode of my life. I found it very difficult to dig in and find cynism so it might not be as funny but the humor is there. The Dark Humor.

When I am not in a relationship, I usually bitch and moan about how there are no good single girls in my neighborhood. And when some one is actually crazy enough to go out with me, I count faults faster than the note counting machine. After a few days of togetherness I duck, jump and hide in every futile attempt to avoid commitment. Failing thus, I try and sabotage the relationship. Most of it goes on in the head, the subconscious some idiots are calling it now. There were two incidents in my life, where my commitment fearing self couldnt see past the self imposed barriers and ended up hurting people that actually cared about me. These two are of the four people I omitted from my Friendship Day Tribute. I dont know why, but I think that they are important in some other context.

The first one, Dash I had called her the last of the times I mentioned her with my besty. Dash as in a hyphen or blank, not a surname. It was before I had the desire to be in a relationship. As it happened that my besty was head over heels in love with this dash girl. I on the other hand, enjoyed a slightly more than cordial relationship with her. My thoughts obviously were with my besty, as we plotted schemes to get them together. They backfired, ricocheted of the walls surrounding her. But we never lost heart, for three months we planned and schemed. Until my father told me that he has been transferred. And I remember quite well that, before her no girl had ever occupied my mind so much, not after school hours anyway. A few days before my departure the dash came upto me, tied a friendship band on my wrist. I was surprised to see her crying. I didnt figure out for ages, what that was all about. We werent that close! She said some heavy dialogue that just went above my head. In that chaos I left. Well, my defense is boys are idiots.

The second one, I sabotaged classically. There was this plain gorgeous girl, who was actually mad enought to go out with me, and I never paid any attention to her. I wouldnt listen to her, I constantly ditched her for other friends. Althoug we did manage some extremely touching conversations. I always run short of words whenever I speak of her...

Softly Now, You owe it to the world
And everyone knows that you're my favourite girl
But there's some things in life that are not meant to be
I'm not meant for you and your not meant for me
Here's to our problems
And here's to our fights
Here's to our achings
And here's to you having a
Good life From Me Good Life

Here is to our abandoned plans! To your success and happiness! To your Good Life.

The Western Influence on Religion

2007-08-06T14:00:00.000-07:00

Paganism, a term that sounds darkly enigmatic to ninety percent of the population who don't know what it means. I say this because having heard (actually read most of them) several people mention paganism, hardly a handful managed it correctly.

Paganism, is the term applied to all the religions and Gods lying outside of the holy trinity of Christianity-Judaism-Islam. All the religions, irrespective of being older or younger, similar or dissimilar to the three of them. Paganism is a cult term invented by The Church (who else?) around Renaissance in an attempt to discredit every religion in existence and to promote Christianity. In some stricter circles they argue that the Judaism, although the first credited religion, is now corrupted and is now another Pagan religion.

The term Pagan is Latin in origin means rural or rustic, the implied meaning can be guessed. Also it is the descendant of Jewish version called Gentile, which basically meant Non-Jew. The term Paganism basically implies disapproval, the big three looking down in disapproval. You can perhaps better explain the Pagan impact if you remember that one of the chief excuses the imperialists gave for colonization is to spread the teachings of Christianity. That is basically what Paganism is, a total rejection of all the religious beliefs of any civilization except their own. Committed as I am to being an atheist, this is still a larger bowl of shitload than the theistic crap people come up with. I mean, at the very least I can understand some people's innate desire to need a God, to pretend that they are not alone or that they are not in charge or just for some emotional support. But to the claims of a religion over other, and when majority of others in all likelihood are older than the holy trinity, I say classic west.

The holy trinity claims the same origin, The Abraham, a king that basically spoke to God and they had a pact and that he was respectively the first Christian, Muslim or Jew. Actually, Bible accepts him to be a Jew, at least before he spoke to God, the chosen one or the father from all others are descended. So basically, since the first man known is Adam (not same as Abraham) basically the first religion born was Atheism! Anyway, this Abraham offered his son Isaac to God, who the holy trinity considers father of Israel. Anyway, the funniest part of the whole was Abraham married his sister Sarai or Sarah! It is true! Abraham married his father's daughter, from a different wife, so half sister basically. That would really explain the western pervert characteristics... Anyway these are the basic facts.

Christianity, everyone knows originated with the start of positive time. The Hebrew bible implies that The Moses basically received it from God sometime during the second century Before Christ. And the youngest, Islam born with Prophet Muhammad during the 7Th century. That leaves a gaping hole of roughly 8000 years (for Americas) to 35,000 years (for Eurasia and Oceania) between origin of religion and human civilization. And these are the most lenient approximations, the first homo sapien is confirmed at 130,000 BC and suspected to be evolved at 200,000 BC. So basically, it took God seven days to create the world but another 50,000 years to spread his own message. Whoa!

Now the most powerful and beautiful of the ancient civilization are Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Chinese and of course Indian. All of these civilizations have their own Gods, and their own religions. All except China believed in polytheistic religions. China preferred Confucianism or Taoism and later Buddhism. Basically the fallacy of reasoning lies here, that the Gods accepted thousands of years before the creation of some religion are deemed random, even Satanic by the children religions of the civilization. That idea is laughable and yet presents a very realistic picture of the domination of the west over east, that threatens not only to engulf the creations but the very identity of the soul. I don't think that either of the remaining religions will succumb to these forces in a way Judaism did, but it is still sad to see Christian Missionaries trying to spend millions of dollars a year to spread Christianity to the remote tribal regions of the world in stead of carrying on operations for mere welfare of people without the thought of gain. I hope that our religious leaders, that hold more power than American President, will come of age and declare a war not on other religions but on inhumanity, poverty and hunger faced by millions.

Friendship Day Tribute

2007-08-04T17:40:00.001-07:00

There are a l0t of issues that I will cover in this post, but above all this post is dedicated to my best friends, a thanks that is due. I also write this because my last two-three posts have certainly put out the wrong idea that my friends dont mean much. So on friendship day I give you my best friends in no particular order. (For those I forgot, I apologise. But those I forgot are only the people from my childhood.)

Priyanka- I loved competing with you.
Mukesh n Pammi, my first friends.
Vishsesh-my first best friend.
Hanu-Thanks for crowning me
Renu-thanks for completing my homework
Akruti-thanks for completing my drawings

Abhishek- Wish it hadnt ended the way it did
Kaushik: thanks for being there
Nidhi: You dont realize, but you uplifted my spirits in my worst time.
Nitin: Dude, grow up!
Nanu: Ah well!!
Roni: Umm... I am sorry.
Tanmay: My man! Keep in touch!
Akash: Trust me
Pranay: We are in the same ship, man.
Prachi: Thanks for everything... you will ultimately save me from going insane so dont leave me!!

A few of the best times in my life were when a friend came upto me and said I love you. And I hope it makes your day when I tell you the same. I love you, all of you... Even if I am not in touch with you doesnt mean, I love you any less.

(There are some names deliberately missing from this list. I dont know why yet, I will let you know whenever I figure.)

The Toilet of Love

2007-08-02T17:54:00.000-07:00

One of the most singular (and fundamental) experiences of life is being in a relationship. But what is even more singular (and even more fundamental) is the experience of getting dumped. In spite of the affect this post will have on my personal ratings, I think it is very important that I proceed, largely because, as an author it is quite fulfiling to be able to extract every ounce of misery from a topic.

Those who know me best, will agree that I am as averse to a relationship as two rival heavyweight boxers or Manchester United and Arsenal or Ferrari and Mclaren. And yet, very occasionally their paths cross. You see, as a young meddlesome fool, I made it a habit to jump from one ship to other, occasionally braving a foot in two different ones. And suddenly, out of nowhere, a whim and a fantasy, the wildest nightmares realized, I was in a relationship! "In!"(Read Trapped) My world crashed, smiles disappeared, arguments surfaced and by God if I ever could have committed a murder... well you know what I mean!

Those deep eyes that captivated me once, now appeared to resemble the basilisk eyes from the Harry Potter movie I had recently watched. And the sweet sound of her voice was suddenly so sweet, I was afraid of catching diabetes. The only thing that did not change was the importance of the phone in the relationship. Not so long ago, I kept hoping for it to ring so that I can hear the voice of my sweetheart. Now, I keep hoping for it to ring, so that she will finally shut up. At both times the phone calmed the seas for the ship to sail and I suddenly found myself committed. At this point, my thoughts go back to Abraham Lincoln. He had a heartbreak, then he went on to become president of USA and freed the slaves. I quite understand him now, he had tasted freedom and wanted everyone to have it. Oh captain, my captain! (If you don't know that's the opening line of a Walt Whitman poem, and of course quite fitting... captain as in captain of a "ship")

The new "committed" phase brought about new changes. I have seen people belonging to this phase, discussing wedding card designs, or the name of the kids. And of course there is the "duty". Duty is the fond name, that I have since given to the task of going to (not on, but to) a date. You see I found it much similar to going to work. "Duty". There are many similarities, though I still found dating worse. You cant obviously miss work unless your grandparents die, but the bad thing is even death wont get you off the date. She will of course insist on coming. Then if you are late to work(or to date), the angry tirade of boss is always better than the tears of a girl with whom you cant get away by saying sorry. And whatever you say is wrong anyway, and you cant shut up either. It is what is called getting caught between a rock and a hard place. And with your boss there is always an outside chance of just making a sex joke and if its really good you may even get a promotion for producing a productive environment. Of course, if you make a sex joke to your girlfriend you will invariably get the tirade of "mad dash to finish line" or "just about sex" depending on where you are in the relationship. Then there is a lot left to be said about things forced down our necks.

The biggest point of conflict was my best friend. "Surprisingly" she didn't like him, of course not. What was I thinking, having a best friend without consulting her. I am ordered to find new friends. Of course sweetie, that's what I will do. And then, your friends are no more helpful than your girlfriend. "She is cripping your style man!" comes the standard response. I usually ignore that and his suggestions, as good as they sound. Basically, it is being idiotic and reckless at the same time, if you take relationship advise from someone who finds it difficult to get anything (let alone humans) to go out with him.

There was a lot I always wanted to tell her, but the smile remain attached on my face just because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I mean, well it was nice to have someone who can list all your shortcoming in under a minute, if you ever decide to strive to be a better person. And there was another reason too. Guys are "disgustoids", and it was nice having someone who doesn't wear their socks inside out after seven days of wearing them regular way or who doesn't eat like a pumba in a burger chugging contest and burps loudly afterwards. There are a couple of other reasons, but I don't think we should go there.

Then it happened, one fine evening, just as I was beginning to come out of despair of a hopeless bondage with few hours of stolen time with the guys. You can let your imagination wander if you really want to know how we were planning to spend the evening. Just as we were getting started, DING-DONG. That was the doorbell. And there she was, again, the girl uninterrupted. Or I should say the interrupting girl. Without preamble she marched in, and well then lost it. You see, when I said stolen I actually meant calling her with a silly excuse of studying or something. She screamed, not much unlike people in Ekta Kapoor's beloved K series do. (Another reason I despise k series, but thats another story for some other time), and I tried to explain that I was a good boyfriend (later I wondered, why the hell!). And then she pronounced, "Yeah well, guess what you are also an ex now."
I stood there "flushed", as she marched out of the door. I am still not sure whether I should have followed her. My best friend was the first to recover, he whooped and punched the air. I was still feeling horrible, guilty perhaps. But then I realized I am not upset.
Someone asked me "Shouldn't you go after her?"
"Nuh, don't think so."
"Yeah, you can just call her tomorrow and get together and sort it out."
"Nuh, I am not gonna call her." I didn't call her. She didn't call either.
"Are you gonna be alright,"
"Oh yes, lets get this party started," said I, recalling everyone to planned rituals. As silence dropped over the room, as CD changed, I thought to myself "After all, there are plenty of other fish in this toilet of love."

(I hope she didnt read this. Hey sweetheart, if you read this and you die of shock please dont come back to haunt me)

Guilty? Or little harsh

2007-08-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

For Sanju Baba....
For wowing us from Rocky to Lage Raho Munnabhai

I may not be Bollywood's most ardent fan, I may not be the first in line for new releases, but that doesnt mean I love it any less.

Well over ten years (twelve-fourteen) ago, my father allowed me to accompany him to the Jaipur airport where he was going to drop off my cousin. As I had never even seen an aeroplane in real life let alone ride on one, I was very excited to get to watch a plane take off. But what I never knew, I had another surprise waiting for me. When we tried to enter the Airport, we were not issued airport tickets that allow entry in the lounge. "Passengers Only," we were told. I was sorely disappointed. Airport to me was like a castle at that time. As I and my father watched my cousin disappear behind rows of faces, the sound of screeching breaks made us all turn around. A black sedan (probably Esteem, I dont remember) appeared out of thin air. The doors opened, out stepped a man over six feet tall, looking like he dropped out of a movie reel. On his side was a lovely lady, in clothes I didnt believe existed. As he entered the Airport, a guard walking in front clearing the people out of their way. Many fans jostled him for autograph before he managed the short walk between the sedan and the gate. He was inside the gates when I finally jolted out of my trance and pleaded with the guard on the gate to let me inside. My father helped, and provided me with his phone book and a pen. With a nod of the guard I rushed inside, giving myself a full 360 degree visibility with a rotating forward motion as I desperately tried to reach to him before he got away. I need not have worried, he was standing in the lounge, leaning on the barrier talking to the lady. I rushed to him said, Autograph please and handed him my father's phonebook. He acquiesced and asked my name. I stammered it out as he ruffled my hair which made me stammer even more as I tried to thank him. I dont think I ever actually thanked him considering I was rushing out before I knew it, trying to savor the memory of the most glorious moment of the seven or eight year young life. I glanced at the lopsided writing, it said

luv
Sanjay Dutt

(I never possessed the autograph as my father told me he had many important contacts in that small, dusty phonebook. I anyway thought, it was too grand a thing to possess. Some years later I came to know he had lost it. It didnt cause me much pain, a little disbelief though as I was starting to question some of my mother and father's beliefs. )

I like Sanjay Dutt, I admire his work. The effort and yet the carefree manner, he is refreshing. From the don of Vaastav to guru of Gandhigiri in Lage Raho, he has proved versatile . From one cornerstone to another, he covered many leagues and in face of adversity. I liked the confidence, with which he faced the charges and the innocence of his pleading touched me. In today's Times of India, some person was quoted as saying this was too big a punishment for recklessness. Perhaps he was right. Even as we love him, love his work and his on and off stage antics the fact remains. He did something terrible, reckless yes, but yet a legal offence. I dont think even the judge will disagree if I say that Sanjay Dutt is not likely to commit another offence. But then the book says he should be punished. Then a thought comes to mind that punishment was meant to make the man see error of his ways so that he must not repeat the offence. Then as soon as that thought appears another counters, but what about other film stars? If Sanjay was let go others will take the law lightly. Then again, yes, but six years? and my mind just jams.

As a fan I dont like the fact that he has to spend time in a Jail in the same conditions as Abu Salem. As a person I think he should have been granted the probation period he requested, or at the very least allowed the one last phone call to his daughter. Watching the videos of his walk from court to police vehicle it appeared that a couple of policeman were trying to show off, manhandling Dutt just to prove they can. But I am forced to accept the bitter truth, that the decision making was done according to the book and it was a bold decision. As an Indian Citizen I am forced to accept on the whole it was the right decision, (minimum imprisonment is five years and maximum being 10, so dont think they could have given him two or three years) even if it seems very harsh.

And that's why they say

"the past always comes back to haunt you. You can bury it but it will always claw its way back out.."

Here is wishing our dear Munnabhai luck, and support. And the thing I forgot forteen years ago... Thanks, for the autograph and thanks for entertaining us over and over again. Bollywood (even Mumbai) wont be the same without you!

The Evening Revisited

2007-07-31T08:18:00.000-07:00

After a seriously pathetic attempt(The Evening Part2), I feel the need to redeem myself. To my own surprise I have decided to not delete The Evening, and let it be a mark of my true writing abilities, I have confessed I am not very good at poetry, same could be said for prose. Oh, The Evening part-1 was much worse, as a couple of you might remember.

I hereby declare opening up the hall of shame, for the worst of my posts, and include The Evening as my worst post.

The Evening- Part 2

2007-07-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

Note: This post belongs to Void's Hall of Shame

Part 2? You might be wondering where the hell is part one? But see, on top it says this is my kingdom, so I am free to do as I see fit. But there is a problem, you are not my subjects, you are my friends, equals at the very least, in all probability much more, so I have to have an explanation in hope you will return again.

Actually its not all that complicated, I once pencilled a memoir and called it the evening, very unfortunately I lost it with a ridiculous virus attack on my pc... so this is The Evening-Part 2... Having no connection whatsoever to The Evening- part 1.

Let me explain to you how a memoir works in my realm. Its an utterly distorted, mysted incident that might have actually happened. It is exaggerated, places exchanged, at times even two memories combined, which again might not be mine. The memoir is almost never narrated through my eyes, I might not in actuality be even present at the center stage but may be a bystander on the next table. Facts are very often very accurate, but the people and places are so much distorted that it will be hard if you want to figure out exactly what it is that I am talking about, but still an interesting read...

The Evening Part 2

It was the biggest day of his life, still my best friend was not excited. His face was the same cold mask of calm as it is everyday. He laughed politely on my tailor made joke, with a bad punch line. I wasn't sure whether he even heard it or not, but I knew his mind was on other matters. This day might be the biggest of his life, by the standards of everyone else, but I who knew him best knew it wasn't for him. I knew his mind was troubled, his thoughts running haywire. You see last night he had finally confided in me, he had fallen in love. And the thing about him was he never confides anything in anybody! Although he was a good friend to have, always putting his friends before himself and helping them, but didn't let anybody help him. His personality was such that it never appeared to anybody even he might require assistance. And he never complained. I gave him his tie with the perfect double knot, and he smiled at me, checked his Grey Suit and tie in the mirror, glanced at his watch and said, "Its time."

The rest of the evening, passed very quickly. It was the going away party- The Farewell as we called it. The casual brother of what is the convocation. We were all finally getting our degrees and stepping out in the real world. The talks on all corners centered around the coming life, mainly the jobs everyone was offered. I danced, socialized with many friends. He spent the evening in a corner, near the water table. Having a word with anyone who stopped by. He was lately being considered an outcast, he had not sat for an interview with any company that has visited the campus in the last year of our studies and everyone thought he wasn't eligible. Many people were even surprised to see him, because they thought he was repeating the year. At long last, the ceremony started. Names rolled on one by one, each person's achievement through four years of college highlighted. As expected by many, including me (although for different reason, for I knew the truth), his name was skipped over. I could see his eyes darting to a woman in a stunning yet simple blue dress. He smiled when their eyes met, raised his glass to her and bowed. She smiled back, albeit a bit surprised. As the names of 350 people were being called one by one, I saw the two get together and exchange a few words. She laughed and left, to a black haired, black suited handsome man, walking down from the stage, who took her arm. They walked away, happy in each other's company. A shadow crossed my friend's eyes, but it went away as quickly as it had come. Finally we were at the end of the 352, to be exact. And suddenly our host called for our attention, a silent swept the room. I knew what it was, for it was I who had planned it.

"Ladies and gentleman put your hands together for the Achiever of the year, Marc Gonzalez... I am sorry, Doctor Marc Gonzalez. For, his thesis has just been approved, he will leave this college an expert, qualified above most teachers that taught him."

The Grey Suited man straightened his tie, a smile on his face, after a year's oblivion this was his moment while everyone else looked shocked. Tears rolled down my eyes, as I saw my best friend finally lifting the gold medal for topping the university and pocketing the replica PhD. The ten odd friends of his clapped vigorously in a vain attempt to lift the scattered half hearted applause. "Nobody will care," he had said, damn it he was right. As he made his way back down, I walked towards him and I instantaneously knew his eyes were searching the blue dress. But he embraced me nevertheless. He shook hands of everyone that came to congratulate him and hugged the ten people who clapped for him. In the midst of the humdrum, a hush was suddenly falling. And through the gap in the crowd I saw the black haired, black suited man on his knees, proposing to the girl in blue. I saw her nodding head, and I turned to my friend to see his eyes well up. But the tears were wiped away quickly, and he strode forward to congratulate the one in the blue dress as nothing had happened. I walked with him, half expecting him to collapse. He didn't, he hugged the one in the blue dress and wished her luck, before excusing himself. I also tried to excuse myself but caught myself in the moment, the one in the blue dress was looking at my friend walking away with the same expression in her moist eyes as my friend held a minute ago. As I finally started jogging to catch my best friend, I swear I heard her whisper, "If only."

The Hole-y Umbrealla

2007-07-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

Note: This Blog is now part of Void's Best of Me
When you live in Mumbai, you become as accustomed to rain as you are to the sun. Rain in July is like sun in the desert, it looms continuously, slow or furious, hardly relenting its furious siege of the city until the oceans scream and promise vengeance on ships that dare to stray. And more often than not, even that is not enough. In the moments the siege cease, dark clouds haunt the sky, reminding people of the coming battle. But it takes more than a bout of rain to dampen the spirits of Mumbai, the crowds barely diminish on the local trains or buses, although everyone seem to carry the identical black umbrellas. With the same instinct that you put up your hand to shield your face against ferocious sunrays, an umbrella shoots out, the shield against the relentless rain. A few other colors and patterns obviously stand out in an otherwise impeccable black wall formed along the pedestrian paths.

In this black wall, often a trusty umbrella adorned the role of a brick. Trusty to me, not to rain. When it comes to rain, my whims are harder to match than perhaps the most inarticulate of women. In a drizzle I might want my umbrella up and in a downpour I might want to get wet. I dont know, it all depends on the mood and of course the situation. And this umbrella never complains, just a trusty comrade, used for three months and then thrown aside in a box full of garbage that nobody uses, for the rest of the year. It never complains! It has never even betrayed.

One day sitting in a classroom full of boring people and an idiotic professor, I started tinkering with my trusty comrade and to my enormous surprise I found holes in the umbrella... although tiny ones, but holes none the less. And I wondered how is it still holding the rain. But with the class my mind drifted off the subject to other interesting things as I had just noticed Angelina Jolie peeking from the crude paper cover of somebody's notebook.

In the following days, many times it crossed my head to take a look at the umbrella again. But I didnt, perhaps as inseparable as it was, I never really considered it to be of great value. How often, how wrong are we. I like to tell myself it was because I always remembered the thing at the wrong time, and I just waited for the right time to come. Unfortunately at the right time, it never came back to me. And the hole-y umbrella continued the struggle against the relentless seige. Never once it betrayed me, always up and open whenever I needed to reach somewhere in dry state. A great comrade, a worthy possession. Each penny of the mere seventy bucks I paid for it, undervalued.

I look back today, at the turn of events as by my side lies the warrior. The handle seprated, the clothe coming apart, the bars bent. The finally defeated warrior. The failure is sudden and total, without any chance of repair.

You say to me, it was just an umbrella. Of course it was, but thats not the point, is it? The holes, the beaten exterior... signs of war... yet providing constant protection. Look around to see if you can find your "Hole-y Umbrella"
Note2: This blog post is written in jest.

My Best Friends

2007-07-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

For some reason, these six people, total strangers to me, jump first to my mind when I reminisce my friends. For me Joey, Chandler, Ross, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe represent everything that I hold dear in a friendship. The series represented a group dynamics, not much unlike any real group dynamics. Each person knew the other inside out. They helped, backed and stepped out for each other. They all had their selfish moments, they all exchanged the negative roles between them but most important of all they stuck with each other, stood up for each other and were there for each other. This is what being a friend means, when being right isnt as important as being yourself. Now the blog is not about the series called FRIENDS, but about my dead past. And its a sincere note of obligation to those who stood by me, in worst of my times.

The first memories of friends, bring back images filled with laughters and tears, the defining moments and a carefree time. For they are images of a distant past, the time we called childhood. Since an early age, I was able to form a closed knit group around me. And I have had some ferociously loyal friends, and at a time when I didnt understand the true implication of having friends. When I look back, I find myself wondering how big an idiot must I have been to not know what the best of my friends did for me. It was release from a tyrant rule of parents, into a world where my opinion mattered and even revered (although to a lesser extent). This first group of friends I hold the dearest, because it was the innocence, the friendship at its best. We did make some pathetic attempts of staying in touch by snail mail (it was the year 1997-98), of course didnt work. Oh and I forgot, this was the first time I realized presence of girls in my life when I misunderstood (first of many times) a girl, and stampeded all over her (heart?).

Here, I must emphasize the importance of the fact that my father works in a bank. So he gets thrown around India a lot. That is to say we dont stay in a city for too long. The groups of friends, are mostly friends with each new school or living place.

The second group, I dont remember much for the simple fact that our association was brief and the end was marred by nasty incident. That was the first bitter pill of "everyone for himself", which I was to encounter a lot regularly after that.

The third group, for the first time in my life I wasnt leading, I was the lowest creature on the lowest rung. Bullied all around, I learnt the virtue of silence. Although not because of friends, but it was at this point in my life I also learnt the virtue and uselessness of truth. I chose virtue. But still, two years later I walked away with my head held high and a handful of friends, and these become frontrunners to people I call "old friends," for they continue to remain close to my heart. And of course since then, I have redeemed myself from the lowest rung to an equal. Of course there was the "everyone for himself" factor.

While I handled second and third group, a totally seprate group formed due to geographic sepration. This group wasnt noteworthy cuz, there was a detachment. A constant detatchment from everyone. Although, at the end of fourth group this group re emerged, very briefly but played a very significant role. And I love them for that, especially one person... (I will not name her, as going by tradition of no names) thank you, I still wish I could have done more for you.

The fourth group, was the first time in my life that I was so emotionally attached to other people. It was this period I found my first girlfriend, and two best friends to die for. At that time, I would have taken a bullet for any of them. The girlfriend I lost in one month, the other two in two years. The two people I cared about beyond any, had planned the lesson of "betrayal" for me in this part of my life. Three best friends, and each went his (or her) own way. Since then I have managed to patch things up with one of them, wasn't so lucky with the second one. It is funny because, in hard cold facts, the first betrayed second, I sided with second, lost first there then lost second for being friends with first. If it makes any sense whatsoever. Anyway, I have high hopes of rebuilding my friendship with "first" in the coming years. For after all, he was the closest of all friends I have ever had.

The fifth group, saw me eat the first pill of admiration. I have never admired anybody as much as I admired my new best friend. We braved many fights together, though lost most of them but I dont complain because I enjoyed everyone of them. We continue to remain good friends, and I hope it will continue.

The fifth group also saw me handle two sets of totally different friends, and perhaps this was the best time of my life. I lost the big battle, but gained much more. Then lost that too... but it doesnt matter even the memories of those two friends, who helped me realize who I am. They defined me, the fifth group and although none remains from this second group, they are never more than a moment away from my mind.

The sixth overlapped with fifth group's second and those six months, I could literally fly. Just before the strike, I was the happiest I have ever been in my life, I was like the child again. Three best friends, full of laughs and high fives. But well, life has had the knack of not letting me live in peace. It happened one fine day in January, everything broke. It dragged from there till July, when chaos... and I was to lose one by one, all three of them. Those three remain friends, it was I who was shunted. Dont get me wrong, it was my choice and decison. Rather than the group to breakdown altogether, the unstable element should leave. Two of those three still manage a polite word when they see me, which is more than I can ask for. And I am thankful for it. At this point in my life I wonder, where did the loyalty disappear?

Would you blame me if I become a cynic? Can you blame me if I dont expect life to deal the sunny side up. Can you blame me if I am reckless with not much regard for relations or friendship? I immerse myself in work, thats my cure...

"When sands of time dusts up the mirror of memories, faces fade."

I am hoping the faces will fade soon..

Casino of Bets

2007-07-25T10:26:00.000-07:00

I told you I am a poet, this right here might be my best work till date.

The darkness is setting in,
And light aint coming in.
Hopelessness takes over,
Feel like you cant sink any lower.

The sun aint showing;
And strong winds are blowing.
Confusion spreads, chill sets
Life turned into casino of bets.

You are feeling forlorn;
In middle of a crowd u r alone.
Your mind going in circles
Chasing the dream that sparkles.

You are lost in the maze,
Of a path you have never set your gaze.
And in all the paths that we must tread,
There is deceit, there is greed.

The fear sinking in,
The doubt creeping in,
The good time, the good weather,
Will it ever come together?

The darkest secret of Satan

2007-07-24T12:15:00.001-07:00

The reason why Satan never lost hold over Earth was because he has a dark secret, impervius to all the charms anyone else can place on. This secret is called manipulation. I write this, in contempt, for a special person, who has been in my life for many years and of course that person is the king of manipulation.

The art of manipulation takes many forms, the most common that I have found is a parent conjuring pretend monsters to instill fear in their minds like strangers who take away bad kids in a bag. Of course that manipulation borders on evil, and many will agree it to be good, but most manipulation arent that absolute. In fact the greatest trick is a series of small push and pull that you dont even feel.

Lying comes, naturally to certain people. Others are amused when they find a downright lie staring them in the face and some, like me, lose their temper. Over the years, I have walked with deceit and manipulation, a secret behind every whisper, and no sentence ever to mean what it sounds. And yet, I havent grown accustomed to it, I still believe those people and I still allow them to manipulate me to a state where I just lose it. I hate myself for it. I hate my heart to take control over my mind. I hate having to end up staring at the blank wall, and with crimson tears that never reach the eye. And yet with no one to share it with, it all bottles up inside, till I lose it.

The darkest secret of Satan was manipulation. It still is, and that is how he controls the world. Those few, who let their heart act for their brains, end up rather like me. A welled up anger, or is it depression, I know not. Lying, half truths, and other secrets that I quite never managed to understand, take the centerstage. Those, good at fluttery and manipulation win the battle, while others just dont care. And a small group battles on, for what we know to be a lost cause. But then, somebody once said

"No cause is a lost cause, until there is a fool left to fight for it."

Hope still drives me...

A Scattered Life

2007-07-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been down that dark alley, layered with myst, which has signs to turns that you cant see? And that alley just stretched out, one cornerstone to another and each one as unfamiliar as the last? And you see familiar faces but cant recognize anybody? And after a while, you are no longer certain whether you are moving forward or back, having lost all sense of direction. And then a chill grips you, stifling you.

"I am no stranger to this place
Where real life and dreams collide,
And even though I fall from grace
I will keep the dreams alive."

What, you didnt think you were the only one, did you? We have all been down that road, at least those who have been lucky. I should say fortunate, lucky is such an ambiguos term. What is this road then, the path, the place or whatever the hell it is. Truth be told I dont know, I can not draw any anomaly. But lost and alone seems about the right description. A decison that went wrong in the past, misfortune and misery piled up and one strike and crash... the life is scattered.

I know not whether a solution exist, a way past the way. But allow yourself to believe when I say, it is perhaps not as bad as it looks. Positives can come out of it, and perhaps the positives is the solution. While in that rut, perhaps I still am, but I dont notice as much, I decided to keep myself occupied, with one thing or another for pleasure or for pain, I didnt give myself much time to reflect on what is stifling me. And slowly, the hold started loosening, the myst faded and the turns begin to appear. While I was despairing, my heart was in the deepest shadow, eyes closed wallowed in self pity, in those tiring moment after immeasurable labor, when I woke up I found the smallest ray of sunshine. The end of the tunnel. The smile that got lost in the dark alley was once again magically attached to my lips, heart lightened, burden off the shoulders.

And it was hope that drove me. Hope in fact is a good thing, perhaps the best of things. It was faith that willed me. I may not be out in the sun, I might still be stuck in some layers of the underground, but my heart is free again. The alley will capture your heart, and if it manages that, you have lost. Struggle, kick and scream if all else seem last. Crawl if you can not walk, but keep moving. Work so hard that death seems nearer than sleep. And when you have braved everything, death will recede, lights appear at the end of the tunnel...
Just pray its not the train!!

The Giant Leap

2007-07-20T10:19:00.000-07:00

"I believe I can Fly"

I am writing this in my belief that you need to read this, whether you are 10 years old or hundred, because not many people I know believe what I hold very dear in my life, albeit not necessarily one that I follow.

There are many people, that constantly surround each and every one of us who influence the decisons we makes. They come in different shapes and sizes and are known by many names. Family, friends, foes, teachers and of course strangers. But, do they necessarily influence us in a righteous manner? Or is their influence just a reflection of their fears and limitations. I believe it to be the latter. I believe the choices we make go wrong only because of this influence, which in itself is a choice that we make, perhaps not consciously.

"I believe I can fly" is an R. Kelly song from the 60s decade, and no better words were ever spoken. Its the faith that decides who you are or what you will become, because it is the faith that leads you to choices that you face. Friends and family will always tell you to play it safe, undoubtedly, unwavingly. If you prepare for a giant leap, they will coerce you into doubting that you can even run, let alone fly. You will start seeing the abyss that covers the length of your leap, your hand shakes, fear clouds the eyes and mysts the brain, until the senses take leave forcing a senseless decision thats not here or there, or halfway here, halfway there. You would expect the solution to fail, but it doesnt. And you feel vindicated, eternally grateful to friends and family, but a shadow creeps in your minds, If Only....

But why does it work, it shouldnt. Right? Yes in the perfect world it shouldnt, but the world is so screwed up, what shouldnt work works. Of course the giant leap could have taken you to withering heights.. but still. But here is the tricky part, you see it so happens that you either leaped off or stayed behind is not the only possibility. Not every one of us is as strong of constitution as others. We often waiver at the brink of this leap, and people braver than the ones who didnt leap yet weaker in mind than those who leaped to the destination, falter midway. That is the fate that awaits most of us, if we continue the influence of irresponsible friends and family in the name of protection. The ideas fail, a giant leap ending in abyss, not because you werent good enough but because you allowed someone else to enter the sanctity of your mind, which is yours alone. You have to believe, to be prepared to fall and yet leap.

I said in my second post, "I believe in strength of heart" . Now I elaborate. What I mean is it that I believe everyone is capable of great things. Everyone has a destiny, a dream to follow, not much unlike Santiago of The Alchemist, who follows a vague recurring dream to war and glory, to pyramids and to love of his life and back again with more treasure than a shepherd can dream of. Cindrella says, "Dreams are the wishes our heart make when we fall asleep." So why is it that you discard the power of dreams over shallow whining of your fellows. Allow your heart to expand, your mind to wander. Will it to find your path, and when it does, care not whether it is one that your brothers will approve of or not. "Go where there is no path and leave a trail," and of course the very famous...
"Two roads to virgin'a wood. I took the one less travelled by, and that has made the difference."

If you must let other people influence you let it be ones worthy of it. Whether its Aragorn of Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter. Abraham Lincoln or Gandhi, Da Vinci or Newton. Einstein or Hitler. To each, its own. But let it be someone or something, matters not, lest it be ordinary. The phrase is Carpe Diem, make your lives extraordinary. I try to listen to my heart, I try to take the dangerous paths when my brain wills me to do otherwise. Its the battle between the brain and heart, and it is not that my heart is without fear. It is neither that my heart prevails over my brain everytime they collide, in fact they are evenly matched. But, I give my heart enough opportunity to sedate my brain, so that when time comes I will take that giant leap, perhaps I will falter, perhaps I will succeed. But it matters little, for the fun will be in soaring through the air, falling down will pass. The excruciating pain (if I fall down) will pass too, but what will remain with me if I dont leap is the big If only... but hopefully it will be the memory of that long flight and the light touchdown at success... where will you be?

Crazy Ideas Vol:2

2007-07-11T16:12:00.000-07:00

"Feminism"

Many things prompted me to take up Women, as the next topic for my blog, and to ignore the sounds of roaring thunder that is to befell my head soon after this volume is published. Women will largely dominate this blog, through a guy's perspective, although I will also try to tackle the relationship we share with them and scratching the surface of homosexual tendencies (of guys hence the title-feminism) finally ending with my own sexist tendencies.

Part 1
Guy-Gal Dynamics

If you have read Mario Puzo's "Fool's Die", you will perhaps agree with me it presents the dynamics of the relationships rather perfectly, that is, from a guy's perspective. He begins with a very interesting prologue where he promises to weave magic and present women in their naked honesty. He claims the women will come out better than men in the end. He also claims that men need women.

That was the second bit he got right. We will come to the first bit in some time, but first you must understand what I mean when I say the dynamics of the relationship from a guy's perspective.
You see, although the prologue deals almost exclusively with women and a promise on a book on feminism, the book hardly deals with it. Not that it isn't a great book, it is a stunner, but in no way a book on women. And from a guy's perspective that's the whole story. Give us a minute to think about it and women jump to our minds. But usually, most rational men gets too often too engrossed in what they are doing that they actually forget the women part in their lives, and this part comes and goes like a favorite TV show, that they absolutely love. So that book actually describes the dynamics of a guy-gal relationship, although not in a way you expect.

Now, in all seriousness I don't expect my mundane mind to figure out the dark complex mysteries of a feminine mind, what I will do instead is interpret some aspect which is more of a hunch based on incidents perhaps too complex to put down in words.

For me, the defining point of women will remain the attention, that they crave and the same that they refuse to pay. Can they be called self involved? I don't know, but I don't think that's what it is. I say this not to appease them, but in an attempt towards our all important goal of understanding them. And why is because of their overall softer nature, a plight is more likely to appeal to a woman than a man. Perhaps it has something to do with motherhood, I do not know. What I do know is the fact that men at least tend to pay more attention to their female friends, however vehemently they can deny it. Of women I don't know, but I can certainly say that a man is more likely to make a wonderful selfless gesture towards a female friend,(Friend, not girlfriend We will come to girlfriends later). On the contrary, woman will walk away leaving the foolish man in an embarrassment of his selfless ways while she accomplishes her "goals". But then the same guy is more likely a self centered jackass, while around other people. I don't know about women, but if I am to hazard a guess based on reasonable assumptions I would say she would be similar, at least with a guy she considers an equal. And I also believe, for every woman, this number of equals is pretty low, and this number is inversely proportional to the attention she gets in the first place.

This equal again is a very important term, and I truly am at a loss to discover the magic formula. When I recked my brains the only thing that made sense to me was perhaps the equals is a random term or perhaps every girl have their own magic formula. I am willing to believe a mix of two, chance adding to the magic formula, more likely dominating it. Having said that, from a guy's perspective, the most important thing is positioning. I have found that the girls are very easily impressed/awed and in the end it all comes down to positioning and timing. But this is again related to the attention they usually get. By positioning I mean, exactly what it sounds like. The girl needs to know who you are. It doesn't hurt to have a good reputation or looks, these are the catalysts. But I have come to believe, in the end, these don't matter much. I also found that while saying the right things is necessary, action still speak louder than the words. And of course when I mean saying the right things is necessary, I meant knowing when to shut up too. You see, talking is women department and that is something a guy should never forget. Even the girls who you will deem shy will talk more than a guy, so if the talk ratio approaches 50-50, that dynamics is in trouble and will shift pretty soon. I find 60-40 to be the perfect, because man gives the woman the hold, but still enough for himself to have his say. Although 70-30 is acceptable, any dynamics below that is tending to shift.

Another thing I have found rather fascinating is the fact it is up to women to make the decisions, and here I am talking about modern day relationships, not about our parents, which of course shows dynamics of a fast fading era. The decision making process rests with Women, surprisingly due to something they hate! Sexism!! In college-life-relationship these include time of meeting (decided according to girl's schedule), place (decided according to her mobility ) and most important of all, what is good/bad,private/public and so on (according to her judgment). Now well the first two are more obvious cases of sexism whether women "decide" to acknowledge them or not. While the third one, yes, how the hell did that become sexist. Guys don't realize but the third one is snuck in either when they don't realize or have been manipulated enough so they are just waiting to slice their right hands and gift it to them.

The fact is guys mostly grumble about one or two, in fact mostly one. But what they don't realize all this time is the fact, the third one is basically the governing factor. Because the third one actually dictates the life outside of college, if the relationship survive the brutal transformation. The third is the most significant weapon, it can vary from pouting of mouth to sad eyes, looking down. But actually I have said this about Hitler and I repeat it about the girls. Hitler came to power only because he actually believed in antisemitism (anti Jew feelings), he truly believed he was ridding Germany of evil and he sold it. Same goes for girls, whatever they do, you can never actually take away the one thing, they are believers. And I don't say this lightly but as a tribute to the most fascinating aspect of womanhood, they actually believe in the goodness of a man, of something even we can not see but it is there and she sees it and perhaps inspire us to change, for better or for worse, I don't know. I haven't allowed anyone to change me yet, but when it does happen, hell that transformation will be awesome.

And thus I sign off the pretty amazing journey through guy-gal dynamics, there is still a lot left to be said. After all, a woman is not just about her relationships, As of this moment I am at 1300 words, which is quite enough length for a single post. I will soon add the parts 2 onwards to make a complete study.... till then cheerioz

CrazY IdeaS Vol:1

2007-07-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

"Atheism"

There are many people out there for my blood, for the simplest of reasons. My belief (or lack thereof) towards religion. I say what is the big deal, Do I harass you for being part of the followers? why then cant you leave me alone for not bowing my head everytime I hear the temple bells toll. But I guess I have avoided the question long enough, perhaps its the time I speak back. Although its not my tendency to take shots at the "Ultimate Authority" *rolls eyes* this is one time I will go against the dictum. So I warn anyone who is blindly in love with the omnipotent one to leave now, never to return!
My answer is perhaps the simplest of all... "Most people dont believe in most gods/religions anyway, I just went one god/religion further"

But this is not the extent of it, I will now undertake tedious but quite plain work of tearing religions (and God, although to a lesser extent) apart...

Part 1

Religions constantly try to throw us into many variations of pits of fire (more commonly known as hell). If you do this , you are in hell, you do that you are in hell, if you dont do this or that, hey presto you are still in hell. Well I agree, it is a crime to use a condom while having sex and deserves condemnation to hell. Oh and what was the poor boy thinking when he thought Darwin actually made sense! Damn it you are not allowed to apply logic or free thought, no doubt you deserve hell. And those insolent Scientists! what are they thinking believing Science to solve Genesis? Hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell!!
I can provide you another one thousand examples, a couple of which I have experienced closely, and they make me sick to the bottom of my stomach. I wish no such fate for you. And anyways even if you avoid doing this or that and also avoid not doing this or that, guess what you are still going to hell. Why, you ask me. The answer is simple actually: The sheer number of religions that exist, and definitely more than one of them states if you dont follow us you will go to hell. And of course, you cant follow more than one because than you are not following that one... so basically the minute you were born you are already condemned.

Part 2

Omnipotence

The only point around which "their" Gods seems to unite is the fact that they remain omnipotent, whatever the case.
Hmm, this paradox I absolutely love and I have used it so many times! Well if God is omnipotent, meaning he can pretty much do anything, Can he create a stone that he himself can not lift?

This is the nearest any theist got to solving this paradox,

Now since God is not confined to linear time like us He can as easily lift that stone in a parallel reality as the actions in parallel source are not defined in those circumstances.

The statement defies logic, meaning existence of an omnipotent God is for non logical people. I dont know about you guys but I will much rather have logic than God.

Part 3

Religious Blasphemy

It is a pretty culture to spend millions of bucks on organization of (highly productive *coughs*)
festival and rituals everyday. And at the same time, in India at least, hungry children die at the footsteps of the temple, they are mostly not allowed to enter, and perhaps are more in need of that money. The day to spend our limited resources on God should have been the day when we have wiped off starvation and deaths off the destiny of every child in the world. But no, the higher priority remains to please the "stone" Gods, who well, promise vengeance in case you dare to ignore. Well, I dont actually believe that the "stone" gods are capable of ire. Its just those selfishly motivated priests, pundits, rabbis and fathers who spread this crap in name of the "whole" entity to serve their purpose. Come on, let us face it, without God what will be the need of them popes and pundits and gurus and rabbis and whatever the hell. Then how will they sit on their fat asses and preach messages they themselves dont follow? And you bow to them and laugh at me. Whew, I thank your Gods for creating me "screwed".

Conclusion:

I believe in logic and free thinking. I believe in seeing things simply. I believe Bible, Geeta and Koran did not arrive from heaven via fax. I believe people who wrote the laws were no better than us. You believe in God, I believe in people. You believe in strength of prayer, I believe in strength of heart. I have my own religion, even if it doesnt have a name. But it involves hard work, logic and above all rationality. Not the benevolence, kindness crap... which you dont follow anyway.

Miss Vetra from Dan Brown's Angels and Demons got it right perhaps when she said, "God is not some omnipotent authority waiting to condemn us to a pit of fire the moment we disobey. God is the energy that runs through the synapses of our nervous system and chambers of our hearts."

You say I am going to hell, I dont give a damn. Even if I am wrong, I already proved either everyone is going to hell or God is not powerful enough to have control over every aspect of his creation. And anyways I would much rather live the present with logic than future with luxury. And if God is so narrow minded and egotistic as to only accept those into his realm who are spineless, brainless followers, then I dont want to kneel in front of such a God anyway.

Based on everything I have found out the simplest fact remains, God or religion, doesnt make any sense. There is no logic involved, so next time you find yourself short on strength dont look up, look within, everything you will ever require is right there!

Bitter Sweet Symphony

2007-06-30T13:48:00.001-07:00

"Cause its a bitter sweet symphony that's life"

These lines come back to me, probably in retrospect. Or because I am still clinging to a non existent past. I call it non existent because it has since melted away into nothingness. Or probably, in relation with a distant future, which again might not exist. You see its all relative. This or that, yin or yang.

Thats what life or destiny is- an endless spectrum of possibilities. If we assume Quantam Physics to hold true, which in itself is highly probable, life is but a matter of chance. And even with this measely statement I can feel scorn of the distinguished crowd who feel the need to write(right) their destinies. But I will request them to keep the focus, cuz I am not done. Words can often be misleading esp when I am weaving them.

Chance is but a choice, choices that we constantly face. Every wrong choice turns into a wasted chance and as you would doubtlessly acknowledge, this brand is easier to come by and harder to get over. Dumbledore(or JKR) over simplifies things when he(she) tells us people just have to chose between whats right and whats easy. But alas, things dont work that way. Some personality (I dont remember who) has been quoted as saying, you dont get experience until after you need it, they probably got it right. But then, not even experience is impeccable, as no two situations are the same. And of course, more often than not, it is impossible to know the direction of thinking is impeccable or not. I mean to be really rational in thinking, you have to consider whether you are being irrational, so you will definitely never chose what is evidently rational. But if you are being irrational in thought, the thought of irrationality will not cross your head and you will believe yourself to be rational, resulting into a solution born out of the irrational thinking. So yes, basically the thought procedure is faulty. Thats why high value is placed in being instinctive.

Instinct is another modern day illusion. Unnecessary credit is placed where credit isnt due. The procedure of instinct is simple, it randomly selects a part of the problem and finds the part of the solution for that part of the problem and the rest of the solution is supposed to fit in the rest of the problem. This is achieved by either being lucky at the dice, or as in most cases of people qualified as "instinctive", sharp brain ends and huge storage of data, so that they are not aware of the thought procedure which went inside like a flash, which in itself is a distinguished quality deserving more credit than "instinctiveness". So instinctiveness also fails with your knowledge, so basically nothing is fullproof. Its all a matter of choice, and you can probably see by now choice is but a chance. This or that, yin or yang. Something that you can not figure out beforehand, predict maybe, figure out never.

Hard work and tenacity will only get you so far, in the end lady luck decides. Dont believe me, (I couldnt care less), but well for the benefit of friends here is one example. Dice rolled and Bill Gates was born in US of A and not Ivory Coast (or perhaps some even smaller, unknown part of Africa). But what if Bill Gates were born in the Ivory Coast, than could he have gone on to be richest in the world? What would have happened to the computer world? (And please dont tell me Steve Jobs would have gone on to take the coveted no.1, I am sufficiently aware of Gates-Jobs rivalry) His destiny in some part was decided for him by choice of his birth, which in fact would have been something huge had it gone otherwise, and something in which he didnt have a say! Its always a endless spectrum of possibilities.

So I agree with The Verve its a bitter sweet symphony... do you still wonder why? Havent I made myself clear. As much as you would like being in control it is not something you can necessarily achieve. It is perhaps something similar to the endless pursuit of perfection.

A thought may stray across your head, bitter-sweet is alright but symphony? and I answer, of course. Isnt life a cycle of miraculous occurences, troughs and crests and with beauty strewn around. A journey, both happy and sad.
"There is nothing you can say that cant be sung"
And of course life rocks and so does music!!!